bitter astrophel star lover
sleek stargazer of the night
sighs and sees his silent love twinkling cold and bright
he loves that which he cannot have
he sings her silent songs
the moon lives and loves as he shall not
and he watches on and on
his eyes blink from the light
and he cries the dawn has come
and with the sun her beauty fades
till the night when she is hung
the sun burns away the dew
as astrophel in misery sleeps
impatient for her to view
he dreams of scorching heat
and never of his love
till the night he lies
and curses his fate
until in his sight she remains
Author notes
some of the endings aren't quite right, but i can't seem to point out exactly what's wrong, if you could help me out i'd appreciate it.
Written October 23rd, 2002
What did you think
Comments
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Very Good!
I think the poem is a reflection of a lover who waits for the darkness to intangle, and snare the one he loves. It is well written, and the content reinforcres the title very well. The flow is good, and the poem basically speaks for itself. Good writing here, keep it up!
Thanks for your precious comment on my poem, and for taking the time to read it.
Much Love,
~Poetryality~ -
haha this is great i got the basic conceopt of the poem, but then i imagined a rooster waiting for the sun to rise!!, i thought it was a random thought i should share, but i really loved this poem, this is something to learn from, i cant articulate my feelings for the universe in poetry it is hard for me, because the love transcends explanation and words, but thank you for this piece-rk
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neutral
I reckon if you read it out aloud, and slip words in that will make the story and sound flow like water, your problem fixed. good poem
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