Look to the stars
From the shadows of your prison bars
The body may be shackled, but your soul is free
Examine the complexities of that divine, monkey, puzzle, tree
And the notion of time/space and the understanding of the ley-lines
That grid and pattern under the chalk and the crumbling lime
Are co-ordinates and transfixes in this broken heart of mine
With love lost and co-ordinates that do cross
Reincarnation and your sudden snake- shell of body lost
What's the worry? Who gives a toss?
If we ever manage to break free from the cycle
Of wheels that revolve within wheels
Of the theft and the actual steal
Where's the passion? Where's the feel?
Is it at the very top of the broken Ferris wheel?
And the Circus continues to rally round and content
To the guide ropes that fastened the secrets of the tabernacle tent
And the pyramids they advertised and they did soar
From the heat of the hot sand and the desert floor
And Babylon managed to create a wonderful and infamous whore
And the crowd showed appreciaten and asked for some more
Explorations in the night....
Time travel and the gift of second sight
And Stephen Hawkins did not get it right.
Georges.
Author notes
Written March 29th, 2005. Option 3 author Georges.
In a list
A contest entry
- life, the universe, everything by cacklingdragon.
350 points, ended November 23, 2005, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Extra...extra..read all about it.. by crimsondew.
600 points, ended July 14, 2007, 34 entries
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300 points, ended August 30, 2007, 8 entries
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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WOW you have mixed so many concepts and made them all so beleivable. amzinging.
A wonderful write and I wish you all the best in the contest.
Rose
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Interesting
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It is a very interesting poem...Time travel...great idea... All the best!
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i love this... i don't think it tells me what i want it to... but it is beautiful...
thank you for entering and good luck -
Wow you managed to get everywhere, i had to read it twice to see, it flowed so well together. a brilliant piece.
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am always fasinated by your awesome masterpieces.
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I always love you work and this was no exception. I loved it. My favorite line was : The body may be shackled, but your soul is free
Because that is true, no matter what may happen to us our soul is always free we can always get out. This whole poem was amazing and had such a great concept. Keep on writing, forever and always.
Blessed be,
Lefay -
Lovely. I can not be my usual critical self on a poem such as this. Truly a piece of art.
If we ever manage to break free from the cycle
Of wheels that revolve within wheels
Of the theft and the actual steal
Where's the passion? Where's the feel?
Is it at the very top of the broken Ferris wheel?
And the Circus continues to rally round and content
I love how you compare everything to wheels. Good job at keeping a common theme though the peice.
And the pyramids did advertise and did soar
From the heat of the hot sand and the desert floor
And Babylon managed to create a wonderful and infamous whore
And the crowd did appreciate and ask for some more
This build up is perfect. The chills running through my body keep me from continuing commenting. Lovely Lovely Lovely. -
And yes i am back again because i spotted you poem! lol this is so original but yet so detailed and brilliant. The flow was good and it wasn't forced at all. Great write and well done. Keep writing!
katy
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so well thought out, i was impressed with the layers I found myself peeling off here...great job, i really enjoyed this
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This is so creative and orgininal. I really love the last couplet. Great way to close it up (for those of us who know about Hawking). You have some wonderful thoughts and just rhythmic word structure. This just flowed through my mind. WELL DONE!
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By George, you've got it! You have the trememdous gift of writing and you know how to use it. Carry on.
Tecohe -
Goerges,My favorite line is, The Body may be shackled, but your soul is free. This one line captured the entire theme of this wirte. It was a bit hard to follow, but all in all, it is a very intricate write,and i loved it. Hugs.Linda
Edited on Apr 04, 9:57 because ''. -
Complexingly Gorgeous
i question life, u try to make some sense of it. Neither one of us can. Nice journey smooth with only a few tactical spelling errors. Otherwise great piece. -
Hi Georges, I have a feeling I know where your insperation came from, from several sources I think?, nice write, good flow, there is anger there as well, interesting poem,all the best, good write
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Kool ending, great right!!! I really liked this one, keep up the good work and well done
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nice poem... you have some really great imagery here, especially (from what I see) some Biblical imagery too. anyway, I didn't really see any problems with it so great job!
~LunarKnight~ -
This was wonderfule. The description was nice to read. My one issue with this though is that everything is kind of squished together. It makes it hard to read. otherwise great write!
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Wow, this was great...I'm left a little speechless actually. I absolutely loved it! I had to read it a few times to absorb all I felt I was able and I still have that pleasant feeling of mystery and unsureness. It had a rythm that fit perfectly with the topic, which by the way is excellent.
The body may be shackled, but your soul is free
Examine the complexities of that divine, monkey, puzzle, tree
Absolutely fabulous!
Littlefish -
I always find your poems to be very interesting and have amazing imagery. This was an original topic for sure, I liked the wording you used throughout the piece. I didn't find that this piece flowed like the rest of your work but maybe that's just the theme, of time travel. I enjoyed reading this piece, great write.
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crystaldust 01-04-05 12:50
Hells bells, Georges, what a brilliant write! It doesn't leave much for anyone else to say about the subject. And thank good-ness someone else realises that Hawkins did not get it right.
Wonderful read, even though a bit bumpy. But that's time travel all over, isn't it? Thanks for sharing this. Joy -
Cool write!
Keep on writing!
-Katie- -
I liked this a lot...the inspiration behind it was obviously something you have thought about a lot, and actually had some real thinker lines in there: 'the understanding of the ley lines that grid and pattern in the chalk', 'the guide ropes that fastened the secrets...' - very unusual lines to express something a lot of people have probably considered, in varying depths, and very eloquently done. The only bit I would maybe change is in the line about the pyramids, where the repetition of 'did' seemed a bit stumble-y - what about 'the pyramids advertised, the pyramids soared' - that way the repetition is on one of the more important words in the line rather than an adjoining one.
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completely complex
now you see, some folk actually enjoy the complex complexities of life, my sister is one such person. As for Love, you can NEVER understand it, dont try and evaluate it, you wont be able to....love is supposed to be great, so why does it hurt. Passion just comes from within you, there are no two passions felt the same.....in my humble opinion. My sister knows ever word written by Mr Hawkins and lo behold anyone dishing him.....for me, I fall in the, yes I know there is something in all that, but you learn, read and tell me in a shorterned version, while I act the fool.... -
"If we ever manage to break free from the cycle
Of wheels that revolve within wheels
Of the theft and the actual steal
Where's the passion? Where's the feel?"
This hit me the hardest. You have excellent word usage and metaphors. Clever title. It hooks the reader in . Wonderful write! -
The matter is simply wonderful and unique but I feel you could have done lot better by using free verse instead of a fixed aabb rhyme scheme as you didn't really have a proper meter to pull off a rhyme scheme. Your sentences were of varying length that made the flow a bit jerky now and then.
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Omg.. Wow kule! I loved everything about this! it even rhymed! XD well done, its an amazing poem!
take care x
x
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Darn it, you've gone and "did" it again with the "pymarid" line - and after promising me that you wouldn't - you naughty boy!
Great poem, great rhyme, great rhythm.
NB How do you know that Stephen Hawkins got it wrong - I've read his book, and didn't have a clue what he was talking about ; in fact, I discarded it after reding about a quarter of it.
Have you read it?
Robin. -
wonderful
Another great write from you, Georges. I love the diction, the rhyme scheme, the metaphors, the imagery, and the flashbacks. There are so many things going on in this poem. It's like reading someone's journal except it's filled with random events.
"And Babylon managed to create a wonderful and infamous whore
And the crowd did appreciate and ask for some more
Explorations in the night....
Time travel and the gift of second sight"
Wonderful lines! -
Well Georges, all I can say is friggin awesome! I love this! Great job! Keep up the amazing work. Love always,
Kristen ♥ -
Kewii ^_^
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Great
Hm...I think perhaps, just perhaps, you've spoken of something that I can't quite capture here. Something just outside of my understanding or something. I get that feeling, at least. The wonderment of reading it and enjoying how the words seem to slip easily aside and everything, but at the same time...well, I feel like I'm reading nothing at all. Sort of a blank sort of thing...like PreCal to a PreSchooler or something.
Oh well, I certainly hope you tell me what this is actually about, because I have a thousand in one ideas, but I'm not sure what it is actually about. I'm thinking the confines of nature and time...but then...I dunno...
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this is absolutely fantastic!!!
Excellant job!! I loved the bit:
That grid and pattern under the chalk and the crumbling lime
Are co-ordinates and transfixes in this broken heart of mine
With love lost and co-ordinates that do cross
Reincarnation and your sudden snake- shell of body lost
I mean great use of imagery!!! superb write!!! keep up the good work well done!
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This is one of those poems that I wish was accompanied by an artist's comment. The content is full of clues and metaphors, but without a deffinite explanation of intent, the message runs the risk of being lost without literal content. With that said, I felt that peice spoke of dangerous cycles that people of today seem to be trapped in, but that's only my assumption and I would like to see what your feelings on the piece are.
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I enjoyed reading this, it is very beautifully written. Great write and I look forward to reading more of your works in the feature.
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Mystical and Interesting
Oh I do like this very much. The title grabbed me and pulled me in and I feell there are so many metaphors throughout - so many of us could feel very confortable within the lines. That last line is just wonderful - left me wanting more.
Von -
BRAVO!
Wow. This is a very powerful piece of work. Great imagery with the monkey puzzle tree, chalk lines and crumbling lime. Took me to that silen place where the seer dare not go. Excellent. -
Very good! I really like it! Keep up the good job!
Holly
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What a winding poem. Not bad, not bad at all. I felt just like I was in a torrendo as I read this.
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Hi Georges, this is brilliant, a very good poem with wonderful visuals, I am in love with this write, smooth so smooth, great word use, lovely structure, a winner , all the best with this for me its a winner, lot of feel, great, hugs Di
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now this runs so much smoother and this is the Gorges I am so used to reading. it is beautiful elegance and wonderous art. you hold the brush of life so well, and in the tales you weave upon your canvas of life, you capture the mind and sooth the soul. well done!
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