You are forced into a conversation
by one who had been initiated by ritual
born of a mental disorder
and an unwholesome attitude
used to kill insects
like a machine,
you don't understand a thing,
and are unconsciously repressed by the feelings
of such winged invertebrate animals
and the evil and malice of surrounding institutions
similar to prisons and hospitals
that is ejected for self-preservation
like the black ink of octopi
that settles in the inland streams and bays
of your consciousness, personal emotions,
and observations
and darkens the color your world
which was like a kindergarten crayon drawing
taped to your forehead
but now melts in the heat of the confusing moment
and penetrates your thoughts deeply,
having the effect
of a heavy spiked medieval war club
temporarily disabling your lymphatic system
with the spirochetes transmitted by ticks;
you feverishly stammer,
and are roundly ridiculed, mocked, and tormented
by the entire world,
the universe,
and you lose your conversation partner.
The only remedy is a diet of whole grains and beans
while standing in a fountain of tar and asphalt
that has the scent
of the dried seed coverings of nutmeg.
Failing that you will remain a microcosm
of volcanic dust to be mashed
and used in medical research
in an ancient Inca fortress city in the Andes
and then cruelly allowed decompose into a chewy
fat macaroon cookie
doomed to sit dumbly on a coffee table
surrounded by the creative
but miserably inaccurate gossipings
of blue jays
of a particularly malicious variety.
So before you are drawn in to your next conversation
look over you shoulder
for beady-eyed blue jays
covered with ticks
pecking at macaroon cookies
in a hospital driveway.
Author notes
.............anatomy of a failed conversation
Written March 29th, 2005
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I love how you can maintain your thouhgt process among the obscurity in the piece. I must say that your thouhgts are quite intriguing. This was well written and I thoroughly enjoyed!
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explanation for the non-abstract reader- octopi- it's not about the octopi but the black ink of the octopi- ink that clouds our view, much like the self-preserving evil and malice of a failing institution... the other similes and metaphors are also sensibly yet creatively chosen. Now some would have me write within the mental comfort zone of a 15 year old- all very well, but I would not have progressed very far by continually thinking within that boundary!
Edited on Apr 03, 1:53 because ''. -
While the message is definitely kinda cool, I have to say I really dont like your style. The metaphors and similes you use just seems way off subject (octopi? what the hell?), and it feels as though you get off subject quite a bit. Keep working on it, and the poem will be great.
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uniquely twisted
unique.... have you ever watched Natural Born Killers?... while reading this theres this one voice i was imagining hearing... at the begginging of the movie where theres this guy thats just rammbling on about wierd fucked up shit... the subject matter wasent like this... but its got the same feel to it... dont know what to make of it kinda thing.... anyways i loved it... a little long but not long enough... i enjoyed every word... -
I like
I like the confusing comparisons, and the whole professional syntax that jumps into the comparisons is very nice.
I like, I like... -
This work you have done is very good. I like how you get the point across through your words so easily. I hate it conversations are not understood fully, and always haveing to look over my shuold to make sure nothing is luring behind me. Brillant use of words, different yet satisfying!!!
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very different and bone chilling. brilliant piece here. you have a excellent imagination!!
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Bravo
Twisted lies mixed in with dark praise
None of it I want to hear
Drawn into conversation
A hell unto its own
Reading insanity
Praising death
They called me crazy
I told them to shut up
Great piece you have here man. A very different one to be sure. Bravo -
This is an interesting way of looking at a failed conversation. I almost want to say that you over did it, but I'm not sure now. The running on may have emphasised your point.
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wow. that was amazing...it gave me chills. it was scary, but almost funny at times (decompose into a chewy macaroon cookie...it was a really neat way to say it) wow...that is all I can say...wow
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Yeah I mean you always have to look over your shoulder and this poem just brings alertness to that. I found the wording a little too high brow for me, but it was a really clever and strong message and I know there will be people who absolutely love this style of writing. I am not saying this poem is not good it is brilliant it's just with my mind the way it is it was a little heavy for me at the moment. I thought some of the metaphors you used were amazing some of the thoughts you put forward and the way you did it was just astounding. The rhythm of this poem was good.
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