Softly bathed in pale moonlight
I came to greet a rose by night
Delicate was this blossom fair
That spread her perfume through the air
So captivated by her charms
For want to hold her in my arms
But passing through the shadows deep
This love I saw I could not keep
Another held my lovely rose
As the moonlight sadly did expose
Tight and warm was their embrace
As tears of heartbreak streaked my face
This is my soul of ice cold fire
That burns with rage and sweet desire
Crumbled fragments of heart remain
Shattered dreams and endless pain
I’ll tell it to the nightingale
So it can sing the woeful tale
Of how true love was lost from sight
When I came to greet a rose by night
Author notes
Written March 27th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- I want depressing love poetry! by xxvampyregirlxx.
1000 points, ends December 12, 150 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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I stopped to read this one since it was written on my birthday...glad I did. You have great skill with rhyme and I do love rhyme
This was sweet and bitter, a perfect love poem. I would suggest a small change in the second line of the second stanza...can't think of a better phrasing, but "For want" is somehow off for me. Again, nice job. Enjoyed it muchly. Peace, Rhonda
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Great job, simply great. Good luck and thanks for entering.
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It was truly deep
I think his one is as heartbreaking as it is sweet
its truly a great read
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An incredible poem of love and lost love that reigns in the night. I love the title of this piece. It is really something special. Sadly, many a heart is broken in this way and many a heart is losr in the darkness and tumbles until a heart pure comes along and cradles it in their loving hands. Heartache comes and goes. True lov is hard to find but once found, it is a thing that will stay with you forever. A wonderful write with a delicate feel to it. Excellent rhythm, rhyme and flow. Keep up the excellent work.
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what a beautiful poem I can tell that it hurt so to write his poem and I am surprise that you did not win a prize your feelings are so pure and honest that it breaks my heart.
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it hurts so much to love someone who loves someone else... its one of the most painful things. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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Fantastic! Great metaphor, brilliant vocabulary and terrific structure and wording. Thank you for the entry!
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awe... how could she?
I was tickled by your poem but found that I was left feeling a little disappointed. I wanted more from your poem, such as savage anger, revenge, a greater experience of disappointment or a more passionate response from the jilted lover. It is a lovely poem, but the real world tends to respond more agressively towards such a sense of betrayal. That being said, I decided to mercilessly steal your poem and rewrite it. I have posted it back onto the site so that you can explore some of what I wished / hoped to get out of your poem. I hope you won't mind that I have done this, because it really is a tribute to your original piece, only edgier . Take a peek and see what you think... You obviously have a lot of poetic talent, that is very evident for all to see. and you definitely have a large fan club, so I hope my brazen theft wont bring the whole of allpoetry down upon my head.
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Beautiful!
I love your style of writing it just screams classic right from the get-go even if it's a fresh poem!
I know what it's like to secretly see the one you love in the arms of another. Damn near broke my heart too, but I spose the old proverb (I'm pretty sure that's what it is lol)
"That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"
must be true. Because I do feel stronger now because of my expeirence. Then again it could just be because now I don't attach as easily, either way, I'm still stronger!
Beautiful poem!
-Brea
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A truly beautiful love poem, it felt romantic and tender, and you kept the tone throughout the whole piece. Excellent writing, you are the best poet so far!
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OMG! my friend wants to kidnap your muse as for me im thinking if you can write like this then you yourself may be worth kidnapping
hmmm or are you willing to go willingly lol if I said please would it help 
As always your writtings touch the depths of my soul where only the beauty of heaven could come close to your rhymes.
huggles
Lena
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awww!! this is a really good write.. so much emotion!! you did a really great job writing this and thank you for entering!!!! keep up the amazing work and good luck in my contest!!!
Shannon*Leah -
WOW!! amazing! really great poem! i love it so much defo one of my favourites thanks for the entry and good luck!
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OH! Words can not describe how much I enjoyed this poem. It was amazing! The rhyme was perfect and had a wonderful flow. It was different from what I have read so far. This absolutely took my breath away. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!!!
Megan -
Much enjoyed
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This flows so perfectly!
It works so well it almost makes me want to like rhyme again.
I wish that everyone could write rhyme like this without seeming like they are forcing it.
Beautiful poem. Sad and haunting.
I adore it.
Thank you for entering!
Good luck -
Beautiful!! Awesome Imagery!!!
This is a wonderfully written, though melancholy story of lost love. 
Congratulations on the golden chalice!!! Wishing you all the best ALWAYS. Take care, Cyn
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Wonderful poem full of feeling and emotion that deservedly won the gold. Gret work mate.
Barry -
Wow, this is truly beautiful. I loved the flow, the powerful images. The pain is so enmeshed with the beauty and rhyme of this piece, I can't decide if I should be joyful, or heart broken..
I’ll tell it to the nightingale
So it can sing the woeful tale
Of how true love was lost from sight
When I came to greet a rose by night
That is one of the most powerful closing stanzas I've had the pleasure to lay eyes on. Please don't ever stop writing, this is pure...well - poetry.
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this is amazing. I love the concept and the rhyme. Thank you so much for entering the contest.
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splendid
Steve, this poem is great from beginning to end i loved it the flow and all...I know i've not been around in quite sometime but ive been busy..but im here now and really miss your poetry...this is splendid..take care sweetie catch ya soon..im going to go read some more
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Some real sentimental charms here in this piece, like the word "nightingale".
Nice!
Thank you fjor entering.
Sophie
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Wow
That was amazing. Sheer perfection in story and rhyme, I am awed. Incredible!
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This is my soul of ice cold fire
That burns with rage and sweet desire
Crumbled fragments of heart remain
Shattered dreams and endless pain"
Wow! I love how this flows and the rythm is great! Bravo!!
Goodluck!!
~dawn♥
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Really really well rhymed. The emotion in it was pure and very delicate, easily seen and felt by the reader.
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
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Wow nicely written. I like this. Great job. Good luck
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this was very smooth. i liked it. the flow was on point. i wish you good luck in my twin's contest.
~Dommi -
Wow. This indeed was so very emotional. The flow and rhymes were great, no weird parts in it. The story itself makes me really think and just go over what you've stated. Very nice, thanks for adding this to my contest.
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Wow, this is a beautiful piece. Your prose and choice of rhyme is amazing. It reminds me a lot of Shakespeare's work. I did not find one rhymed forced in this poem, which is something new for a change. Thank you for entering my contest, it will be considered in judging.
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Deep & Well-Written
"This is my soul of ice cold fire
That burns with rage and sweet desire"
This is definately my favorite part ...
I relate to this poem because I understand the feeling of heartbreak..
You did an amazing job portraying the woman as a rose.
Props to you! -
Very well written and very sad I can picture the scene and feel the heart break. Wonderful write my friend keep up the wonderful works ^^ I love to log in and see something new from you ^^
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this is really beautiful, very sad
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this truly is a work of art just beautiful
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Yes, a beautiful write mate and certainly deserved of the silver
Bazza
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aww WOW this is so beautiful,like a rose its self. You've written this so wonderfully, i can see everything happen though as if i was there.
brilliant job again!
all the best
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Beautiful. Wonderful imagery. Great mental pictures.
Very vivid, but your writing style in this was what captivated me the most.
Beautiful, yet simple.
Good job and good luck. -
wow amazing poem it paints a great mental image, the rhyming was great, and the words so moving, heart breaking, sweet, soulful wow this poem was so captivating and wonderfully writen thanx and good luck my friend
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BEAUTIFUL JUST BEAUTIFUL
EXCELLENLY WRITTEN THE END BROUGHT A LITTLE TEAR TO MY EYE I ENJOYED IT YOU ARE VERY GOOD
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very stong and emotional a wonderful poem
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true heartbroken poem. very emotional, very well written. hard to look away from and powerful write in all. I loved it, I thought it was great! very sad that you loved soeone but they were in love with someone else that returned their feelings, but it's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. thanks for entering and good luck xShad
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Nicely written.
Oh wow, this is a beautifully written poem. Its just wow. The flow to it is very nice, and the words are very descriptive. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck! -
Beautiful strong right. It flows beautifully and sounds like something I might write about. This is perhaps one of the most painful feelings ever. I've seen both sides of it. I've been the rose and I fell in love with a rose already picked by another.
I enjoyed reading this very much. -
Beautiful flow of rhyme and the rythym was delightful, such a sad write though, one of the worst things that can happen I know! I had it happen, not in a park but the setting is inconsequential as to the act of betrayal. Strong write.
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Greaet rhtyhm and rhyme in these lines, as well as flow. Sentiments well expressed, easy to read and understand. makes on feel sorry that this has happened in this poem. Contests is a good way to create some of these situations and use forms and scenarios we might never come across.
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Sad and endering poem. Love from the heart only to be lost by another. How true this comes as one came relate. Love the last line tell my woetail to the nightingale so it can sing a song. wonderful poem. Godo luck in the contest. ~Sie...if you would return the favor
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2484367 -
Exceptional !!
Loved this poem!! Reminds me of a love once lost. Very powerful and very well written. I am no pro to say the least lol but this really won me over!! Semperfimom39
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As I pick my jaw up off the floor.
It's not just that the rhyme works well (and that's saying a lot from me, given that I have an aversion to rhymed verse), but that it's got a well-crafted rhythm as well that just tugs the reader along on the journey through your pain and verse. Thank you for sharing it - it's truly beautiful.
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Wow your words have made this poem of roses of a girl really stand out. Can feel the pressure that you have been going thru. You have composed a very heart filled poem here dear poet.
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This is a very good poem, excellent rhyme scheme. Flows very well indeed. Sad when thing slike this happen. Thanks for entering the contest.
Be well and be blessed.
Mouser -
This is a WONDERFUL piece...Thanks for entering my firs contest..
This is wonderful:
This is my soul of ice cold fire
That burns with rage and sweet desire
Crumbled fragments of heart remain
Shattered dreams and endless pain
grace -
Wow, it doesn't seem as if you need any more applause, but I will throw in my two cents. This was so beautiful, and I don't think this could have been written any better. Congrats on the trophy, it was well deserved.
~Elena -
the shortest comment out of all:
loved it. Great flow.
Thanx for entering. i apologize for the delay -
well. i can say that your poem is very popular among other poets here in ap... and that your appluads are as great... but your poem maybe even greater....truly an amazing poem you have here..it is sad to read near the end.. and thats what really hit me.... i give you my best wishes on your poem...
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Nice work
This is beautiful and sad. You write very well! I'm also in love with someone I couldn't keep. It's painful. Good writing though! -
AMAZING! this poem is so BEAUTIFUL!!! I love the flow and how it was just so radiant! I'm speechless (that's a good thing!) good luck in my contest! -rachel
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well done. i really enjoyed it. it shows a great emotion. good job and good luck
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Oh my god! I don't know how you did it, and if I try to figure it out, I'll probably end up no where, so I'll just say this, this poem was purly amazing, honestly one of the best I have read on this site. I cannot express how much I liked it.
Well done. -
A++
WOW! A wonderful form of poetry. Pure Genius...Superb Job! -
heartbreaking
what was you're inspiration if you dont mind my asking?
there's so many emotions in this piece but it's blended very well -
wonderful. i love the emotion you put into this. good job keep writing.
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wow this poem is really good. the way you wrote this is really good. show how love can be so beautiful. Nice work.
Love lots,
Kristine -
Wow, This is beautiful very heartfelt and meaningful. It made me all teary eyed
I'm going to check out some of your other works. Good Job keep it up.
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standin ovation
OMG THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!! I so love this poem...it really is a great...wait let me emphasize that a GREAT peice of work....I absolutely love it. -
So many things are closed within the confines of this poem, roses, night, love. All tell a story that almost brings a misting to the eyes of the reader. Wonderful way to weave such beauty.
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This is a beautiful poem so well worded and structured. You have conveyed a very common message in a very superb way.
I especially loved the stanza
Another held my lovely rose
As the moonlight sadly did expose
Tight and warm was their embrace
As tears of heartbreak streaked my face
I am sorry if this happened to you and it is sad that it happens to others but as they say "The heart wants what it wants"
Anyway great poem
XXX -
wow,EVERYBODY loves your poem!!!
i do too, its really good!!
ill have to read more of you work!
great job! -
i love this piece.. the imagry ..and how beautifulywritten it was... keep up the good work
nicholas -
beautiful and awesome. I really like this write. keep up the good work.
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Great
Very sad .. but simply beautiful
Love is odd and I'm sticking to it
I really think this is the perfect mixture between love and loathing -
perfect
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marvalous, truly deserving the applaus it has recieved. i simply love the metaphors here, they create a fantastic picture. also you managed to maintain a good rhyme without losing meaning within the poem, often a difficult task that isn't found often. i'm glad that i clicked since this was a truly enjoyable read.
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WOW!! this poem is awesome! I know exactly how heart break goes! i hope everything works out and you to find it soon! great job!
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Awesome
Wow, this poem left me breathless, such a sad tale and yet so beautifully written.
The soft rhyme scheme here does not in any way come across forced, but adds a sorrowful song to the tale. This rhyme scheme can be overbearing and overworked, but here it fits magically.
You give some lovely imagery, I especially love the image of the pale moonlight lighting the way to your love, very romantic, this only makes the sadness deeper as it is also used to illustrate that love is destined to another. This interwines wonderfully.
What a great job. -
24KT Poem
Absolutely lovely. A finely crafted work of art. Sad, but so beautifully expressed. Can't find a single fault. I should wish you luck in the contest, but I don't think you'll need it
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Wow... beautiful poem!
T!ff@ny -
incredible
This is so incredibly beautiful!! The romance... -sighs- Im a hopeless romantic, roses are great but i prefer lilies.lol anyway this is amazing it flowed well and your words are beautiful and inspiring!! Well done, best of luck Jane
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a pure joy to read
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I’ll tell it to the nightingale
So it can sing the woeful tale
b-e-a-utiful. i thought that this was so gorgeous and irreplaceable i just L-O-V-E-D it! it was so magical the way you spun your woes like poetic silk. i wish i could write with as much grace as you managed to write this.
Congratulations on a brilliant write! -
rendered me speechless....The images provoked by your words are amazingly vivid. It flows perfectly and the rhyme is certainly not forced, but works well and aids the rhythm. Well done (not that you need another person to tell you how good it is...hehe)
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Nicely done ^.~
Wow, that is a really good poem. I really like the way you made all your rhyme true rhyme. Because I don't care for slant rhyme (though it can be useful). Really good job keeping the meter steady. Nice words--I especially like the signifigance of the last stanza. -
Great!
Great!!!! I love it! It flows well and I love the wording! Keep it up! :-D -
I like it, it's not a bad piece at all. However, there are severe elements of cliche, namely the "tears of heartbreak" line. But that can't be helped often so, and I can see how it fits into the piece. I like how you used a rose as a stand-in for the woman, but I think... maybe you could have put a little more to it, maybe calling the rose "it" instead of "her". But these are just my suggestions. Anywho, I did like it, for what it's worth.
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hmm very deep. u have inspired me.
now, i will definitely enter a love poem contest! hmm that's great aint it? inspiring someone with a love poem! success, my friend! i hope u win!Good luck. your words are definitely very deep. and i was really impressed by the rhyming!
~~infinitus -
its an outstanding masterpiece..made me speechless..STANDING OVATION..keep da show on rolling..
little sousou -
Wow! I mean, really WOW!!! I applaud you! This poem is like Edgar Allen Poe's! Your words and flow, and just about everything in this poem was great! You did a phenomenal job!
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Wonderful poem! This is beautifully written,great job
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Very lovely peice, the flow, ryhme and words just all fuse together majestically.
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Lovely
Wow! Your poem is a delight to the eyes.
It reaches down deep into the soul and lifts it with joy.
The passion pain and pleasure of this brilliant write is awesome.
I can tell you're very romantic and feel things deeply.
I think it's wonderful when you can express
yourself so well. This was a very good poem.
Edited on Jan 07, 2:17 p.m. because ''. -
Oh wow... this is wonderful. So beautiful and touching! It's as if the rose is slowly blooming throughout the entire poem and at the end it finally blossoms to create a perfect, amazing poem. Great job, and keep it up!
Brandon -
I think this is a great poem but I don't get the line "For want to hold her in my arms". Maybe it's just me but that doesn't read right to me lol. Sorry! Other than that I love it.
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Oh wow. I am almost at a loss...
This was just amazing, probably one of the best poems I've read here...
Wow..
I am in awe.
*bows down and worships you* lol
Thank you so much for sharing this, I'm on way to bookmarking it right now.
-Amanda -
Excellent, really
Everything is wonderful, the flow, the meaning, the rhyming, and more importantly, the rhythm - evenly worded lines, and superbly flowing syllables. Applause is an understatement -
awsome
Great job, this poem is some of the best i've seen in months.
Awsome job and keep writing it's seems to be very intriguing.
Great write -
Unbelievable!
Ok, your definately not an amatuer. This is, without doubt, the best poem I have read on this site. Or any site as far as that goes. I am a new poet and I would greatly appreciate your critique on some of my pieces. -
outstanding
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!Hello shakespear/edgar allen poe.
Wow you have a very good way with words it was.....beautiful...i cant eve find words. -
Wow--- absolutely beautiful. Like all of your work that I have seen, I love the rhyme, rhythm and imagery. Nice metaphor usage. Keep on writing, and good luck in the contest. ~TC
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I really like this piece. I agree with Georges, "Beautiful poem and analogy of love to the beauty of the rose, the uncertainty and the potiental loss that will probally occur."
Good job. Good luck on the contest.
-Celine
P.S. I've been quoting people lately, because they said what I think of the poem. They express it much better than I ever could. LoL.
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just wanted to tell you thankyou for entering this poem in my contest it is a awesome write you did an awesome job with the rhyme schem in this write and it is just so packed with all kinds of emotion wel keep up the good work
and good luck in my contest
vampiry julianna -
Very good
I think that you did a great job with the rhyme in this piece. I really liked reading it. I got a feeling of being love and then lost it. I guess we all go throug that so we will know when we find someone great and hopefully wont screw it up. Thanks for entering my contest! Thanks for following the rules. Best of luck to you!
Casey
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