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Lost in Transmission



my tongue
                a   c   h   e   s

                                 to reach


across the
                                                       miles - to you



                           a breathless sigh

and you don't really understand
     
                                                 how much this hurts me




            lost in transmission

                                    I taste only air


Author notes


Written March 26th, 2005

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Perception
    May 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting how you penned this one. I'm not sure if this would qualify as dirty pretty, but it is very well done. Though very few words - so many emotions were portrayed -
    Wonderful job
    best of luck


    • Harlequin Bunny
      May 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      haha to be honest, I'd never even heard of "dirty pretty" until a couple of days ago .. I was trying to run a contest for visual poetry, and someone mentioned they wouldn't enter it because it was "too much like dirty pretty".
      I got into this style about 10 yrs ago when I saw an exhibit at the Toledo Museum for the Arts for visual poetry.

  • theunkwoncontestant
    March 27, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Unique and freeing in it's simplicity. Really cool besides that. The layout of the poem adds to the words...almost like a seperate poem. Anyway, this is sure a lot better then some of the unoriginal suicide or fantasy poems that seem to be showing up more and more and more.(Even though these can be some of the better ones...these are just becoming more common.) Well...great job.


  • CountryCousin
    March 27, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Unique

    I like the way you did this one and the wording fits the title really well. Good show.

  • decoupage-dish
    March 27, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Has a personality all its own

    This is very unique and it’s words well chosen. I’m always a fan of strange spacing – I think it adds character.

  • the sea cucumber
    March 27, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    i'm a fan of running wild with your poetic license and doing all kinds of funky spacing, and you did it very nicely.

  • ecrivain01
    March 27, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice. The spaces are too big in this. I'd cut them down. Otherwise, this is a good poem.

    Happy Easter.


  • Cat gold member
    March 27, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Good wordplay.

    Mary

  • DyingKnight
    March 27, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write. Like the set out like your.. gaspng for breath.

  • JPuchyr
    March 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    i really liked the good parts in this, but that one bad part...i really didn't like *smiles and gives you the key to the comment in an IM*


  • -apparition-
    March 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Kinda lovely in its brevity and its simplicity. Enjoyed this.

    Seems artistic as well, with the breaks in the sentences and the separations as they are.

    I like this.

1 - 11 of 11