My observation skills, falling deep into a cloud of smoke, nicotine induced, unaware of your blackened lungs, your digestive system.
Digestion could kill you.
Constant velocity, viscosity, thickening ashes on the cellular level. Your body polluted, undiluted, evil,
your chest as broken and black as the lines in an abstract painting.
And you wonder "Where'd the time go?". Your lost and losing more and more, unalive, in vitro. Sterilized, bony hands and tendons sticking out from under flesh.
Ten years later, with stretchy skin and little boys in temple. You think, remember members, shit on walls, seclusion, underwater panic dreams, Theories of Human Race and Structure, maybe your place in other times. But no one dies in other cultures. We're all sew in in heaven. Not alive but stuck forever, falling deep into a cloud of smoke, Fueling every body, soul. But still you hope they miss you. You just can't help but hope and hope and hope...
Author notes
Inspired by the book Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen.
Written March 26th, 2005
A contest entry
- free is free is free verse! by more like war.
300 points, ended March 27, 2005, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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You know why i don't have any points? because i can't stand to comment on most poems on this site. But you are miraculous! Your writing skill is far beyond me. I really think you are great. This was just so close to home for me too. My one true love is going up in just such a cloud and i have just such fears for him. Great write.
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gotta love the free verse.. and... biology. Im kinda worried now actually. My boyfriend smokes. I worry you know? but great poem. True words and all. good write
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hey this is really good, I like the images it evokes, very dark indeed. nice write.
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Love it.. knowticed some certain words.. pay attention in science now are we? haha
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Here. I loved it. It's so fucking great. Though it reminds me of a smoker person who's dying...yeah...
I know you won't be reading this for a while, but I'm gonna eventually call you, perhaps even tonihgt. Which is Saturday. You so have to come over next week. Or I'll die, 'cause I miss youuuuu
sammo -
Like it PAdfoot. Will write mor elater, jordens right here.
Sammo -
Quite a vivid image that you have been able to capture.......
I work in Behavioral Health and every time I enter a hospital..
there is a cloud that falls out through the door when the door of the smoking room opens.......the walls of such yellow from the years of nicotine abuse.......the furniture damaged and stained........many friends are made behind the doors that lock.
I could only hope that they would remember myself as well....
Nicely written and very expressive.......good luck in the contest.....Lisa -
this is really good. it strikes a cord with me because my grandmother died of lung cancer from smoking, so it is very vividly written in my opinion. the title is just awesome as well and i loved your inspiration...great movie and great write!
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My Computer's acting stupid so I couldn't get a background of fix some of the formattting. Please don't take this into your judgement.
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