Combien de fois?
combien de fois
j'ai pense a toi-
pealing and cracked
oxidized exteriors.
my steps echo off the cobbles
in tunnels by the seine.
winter hasn't left yet-
her snows line my
walk; her frost ices
cold stairways.
i wrap my coat close
burry my face
deeper into my scarf.
my steps echo alone.
this beauty rises around me,
out of the frozen cobbles
and cement.
and all pretense falls.
i want you--
slowly
in the length of winter nights
while the light's reflection plays in your eyes
and i brush a solitary hair from your face
as you explain the aspects of God's grace
that have led me here to you.
And i'm caught
by my own words
and pushing desires
i rush.
impatient man.
i am i am
i know, but i can't-
now i've felt your touch
on my soul-
i can't let go.
Author notes
Written March 26th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
I was thrown by this but in a really good way. I find myself sitting here and pondering that one line. all pretenses fall. I really like how you started off with cold winter and found the warmth and love in it. I kinda get the feeling that pretenses weren't the only thing that fell, lol. very well written. It has a certain urgency to it in a hushed sneaky sort of way. Thanks for sharing
God Bless
Tammy -
I thought that this was an amazing write straight from your heart. The exquisite descriptions you used were astonishing and I was pulled in by the first lines (not the French though, lol, I don't know any) But, I might add the French gave it a more personal touch to it. The format I loved it was very original and added so much to the write. Thanks for sharing this, and if you wouldn't mind checking out some of my writings it would be greatly appreciated. Keep writing, -Heather
-
good
i like it...good use of words...i like the structure of it...keep it up... -
hmm thats really interesting...i like it...keep up the good work...best wishes
-
I liked it. it was very descriptive and i felt pulled in and i felt the emotion in the poem. One question tho? wut was the language at the top? Keep writing great poem.
~Simple~ -
you used french! you deserve a hug and brownies! *gives hugs and brownies* neat poem. i like the structure
-
different, i like
-
"and all pretense falls."
I can't explain how perfect this is
this line, in context with the poem, is one of the most beautiful things ever, it is gorgeous. I've used the word gorgeous only 3 times sincerely in my life, to describe two people and one personality, this will be the first time that I've ever used it describe any art.
wow, I wish I had words to give to you.
-
"and all pretense falls." -there is something very sincere about this, and I think its hard to pull of lines like that without seeming over-zealous or phony. I almost sense a transcendence there.
Effective shift in (sort of) subject, with that line as a divider, with the same theme running along. Very nice & consistent.
hannah
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
4 old applause
