by ~Gregg Rowe~
I have been acquainted with death
Lucifer visiting me many times
He came to me before I read MacBeth
And man-made laws quote me – “it’s for my crimes”
Reciting scripture lines from a black book
How I wish I would have a friggin dime!
For this specific position they took
For advising me on who I should love
They take a human, make their sex a crook
Say “you’ll answer to the good Lord above”
I close my heart to my heavenly Dad
I lose my faith, search for my mortal dove
Mortal relationship I’ve never had
In forty years of living on this earth
Yet, I’ve lived in happiness, hardly sad
I’ve lived a life of gaiety and mirth
Just knowing death comes from my day of birth.
Author notes
Written March 25th, 2005
Username: lordoftherings
First name [or name you will like to go by that is not your username]: Gregg Rowe
Age: 48
General poetic style: Versatile (I am a student in Vreative Writing/English Literature and all poetry is my passion).
Why you’re interested in this contest: I love good competition and critiquing other poetry that moves me with all the senses of my muse.
It’s a simple application, so don’t fill it out too much. Keep it brief and to the point. Thank you in advance.
In a list
A contest entry
- Untitled by .
470 points, ended February 3, 2006, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP X Factor: Round One [Auditions] by sideways hourglass.
650 points, ended January 1, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Congratulations! You are one of the 16 finalist to make it to the mainstream of the competition. To confirm your interest in competing, please apply to the group ASAP. Just include an emoticon or whatever you want in the application.
http://allpoetry.com/group/info/The%20X%20Factor?stay=1 -
79
originality: 7/10
creativity/poetic devices: 9/10
mechanics: 10/10
balance of images/ideas: 7/10
personality/emotion: 5/10
line breaking/structure: 10/10
personal opinion: 6/10
title: 4/5
rules followed: 5/5
focus: 5/5
cohesion: 4/5
diction: 4/5
syntax: 3/5
[extra credit] X Factor: 0/5
TOTAL: 79
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76
originality: 6
creativity/poetic devices: 6
mechanics: 10
balance of images/ideas: 6
personality/emotion: 7
line breaking/structure: 10
personal opinion: 8
title: 2
rules followed: 5
focus: 5
cohesion: 5
diction: 3
syntax: 3
[extra credit] X Factor: 0
TOTAL POSSIBLE: 100
I think I'm a bit prejudiced against rhyming poetry, but honestly, I'm amazed at your creativity overall. This was a very effective form, and your rhyming wasn't too forced.
I like the way you said 'heavenly Dad'.
A couple things I think you could work on would be adding punctuation and improving your rhyme just an teensy bit more. And I also will have to agree with his chardonnay, mastering metaphors would push you farther ahead in the contest.
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74
originality: 5/10
creativity/poetic devices: 5/10
mechanics: 10/10
balance of images/ideas: 6/10
personality/emotion: 7/10
line breaking/structure: 10/10
personal opinion: 6/10
title: 4/5
rules followed: 5/5
focus: 5/5
cohesion: 4/5
diction: 3/5
syntax: 4/5
[extra credit] X Factor: 0/5
TOTAL: 74
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I tried to do this form once - and, of course, I failed miserably; so props to you for being able to do this. I'm not a fan of this form not only when it comes to writing in it but reading it too; however, that is no reflection on your ability presented here - that is just a personal thing. As for your ability, I see a lot of potential here; and I'm looking forward to seeing what you and the other several rhymers here can do. Next time, I would suggest perhaps a more abstract direction -- some more imagery and metaphor. If you can accomplish that as well as rhyme, you will do very well in the competiton.
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This is really good, I find it wicked/creepy. Never mind the punctuation, I'm not very good at that either. Although, I have gotten better at it since I recently finished and am looking to send in my first book of poetry to Author House..yea for Microsoft Word..he he he
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OVERALL
Your image in this poem is stunningly appropriate! This is a good poem about the condemnation of a love and orientation that clashes with society’s norms. My empathy at your knowing of such sorrow. I especially like the honesty in these lines:
For this specific position they took
For advising me on who I should love.
SUGGESTIONS
In order to make this poem shine, I would suggest adding in punctuation. Still, just a suggestion
NEW NOTE PLEASE READ
If you have made changes SINCE my initial review, please IM me so I know to re-read it for the contest. Thanks!
NOTE: Contest-wise, only the items listed by me as TYPOS would need to be fixed in order to win. This is only my opinion of typos- I am aware they mean something different for everyone. This disclaimer is included in all reviews. Lol.
This review was sadly lost in PC ahm land. I am pasting it here after the fact with my sincere apologies. I do thank you for entering! Now I shall continue checking to be sure all other entry reviews were posted. Thank you for your patience
Edited on Jun 17, 1:07 because 'Oh this PC!'. -
Such an economy of words... Very well played out...
Good luck to you in the contest
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it is true, that since we are born we start to die. but, i don't think it's doomed to die. but your poem, your words. good write.
4EVER BEIN ME,
WESLEANN -
Clever
This puts an interesting spin on this subject here and you know what you made this poem work out extremely well. Yes we are dying from the day of our birth. A very clever write. -
Damn good poem Gregg.
Enjoyed this. -
It's a great poem. I loved it. You did a great job.
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great
The end took me by great surprise, I admit when I clicked on this poem what I got was what I least expected! This was a very different spin on life and living it as well as explaining that while you are living it you are still dying all along. What a neat and unique piece. Much aplause! Well done. So refreshing! -
Profound... the climb was well worth the time
Death and taxes mortality and imortality all weighed beautifully brava
"I lose my faith, search for my mortal dove" svelte... played well to the heart... kudos! Wishing you and yours much success in all of your endeavors
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The bakground Rocks and so does this write. It is really the truth. As soon as we're born, we're dying. It's like the two definites in life. Taxes and death.Live your life like every dday is your last and you will always be happy. Linda
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The title caught my eye, and the poem proved worthy of such a title. Thank you for the great read!
~dani~ -
WOW I LIKED THIS POEM THE MOST AND IT IS TRUE ABOUT DEATH IS FOLLOWING US FROM BIRTH BUT IT NEVER GETS US DOES IT...NOT UNTIL WELL YOU KNWO THE RIGHT TIME...THEN HE IS ALL HAPPY AND CRAP WELL GREAT POEM I LIKED THIS ALOT VERY DARK TO ME ATLEAST HEHEHE ADAM
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wow... very interesting.
nice emotion
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hrm nice poem...I like the background too, it's very nice . The last line "Just knowing death comes from my day of birth." and this line "Yet, I’ve lived in happiness, hardly sad" those two lines I thought were very powerful lines and they can be debated...good poem
Poetry-4-Life
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
5 old applause
