Sometimes you wonder if you can ever really say
exactly what you feel inside
Or will you just land in a straightjacket
when the words come tumbling out?
For if I could make just one syllable
to explain how I feel,
I'd blow it like a dandylion puff
so it'd spread all over the land
And the words would travel,
up the aisles, and between the chairs
Stunning the audience as they listen
and dissect me with their thoughts
And I would stand tall, as I've always been
On this stage I would create for myself
And I would dare them to hurt me
as I know they no longer could
But the words stay fast inside me yet
trapped because of some nameless fear
Yet maybe someday they'll come tumbling out
and if they do, I pray you would take some time
To just listen
Author notes
My random bout of poetry for the morning. I'm not sure where this came from, so I'm really not that sure that it's all that great. I just got to thinking about how we sometimes censor a lot of what we say, because we're afraid society or human nature or whatever won't accept the rest. I know I do that a lot myself. And what would happen if I, for one, were more open? I dunno. Feedback would be very appreciated, comments will be replied to as always. Thanks for reading,
Amanda
Written March 25th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I'm glad it struck a note. I as leaning toward a theatrical reference, but I've always thought that the same exact poem can mean such different things to people. And if that's what it meant to you, then that's what it is. It's an interesting way to look at it actually, like a metaphor I didn't even see.
Amazing what you can learn of your own poetry from comments.
Thanks for letting me know what you thought,
Amanda -
this poem seriously struck a note with me, the section about aisles although most probably aiming towards a theatrical reference, suggested something about the sillence in marriage, and the misunderstandings of relationships by outsiders. very impressed
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Sounds like an interesting story.
I'm a little more guarded. Don't say much except in my writing. And around those friends who I know won't haul me of to the psycho-ward. 
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This is beautiful. Once all my words came tumbling out like acrobats. I didn't get put in a straight jacket; but they did give me a shot of adavan ...?
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Wow, thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed this, doubly so that you were inspired by it. Thank you for the kind comment,
Amanda -
wow, very niiiiiice! this is just incredibly well done, with so much.. oooh! I really enjoyed the thrid stanza, as it was my favourite, but ... I love this. made I feel like I need to write... hmmm... something. I'm glad i cgot to read this. Great work.
FallenLeaves
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Ladanday: Heehee, I gots a gold star. How cool am I?
On a more serious note, it's nice to know you liked it. I didn't really know if it was even worth posting, so getting a nice comment here and there doesn't hurt. Glad you actually *wanted* to comment lol.
Amanda
haha, the dog is great. Fat and lazy as usual. Wish they had MSNM though. -
LunarKnight: Haha, thanks. The straightjacket thing amused me too. Though really if you think about it, if you say something that isn't normal, people might just label you nuts, right? So I thought it sort of held relevance.
Glad ya liked this poem too, and thanks for taking the time to tell me so.
Amanda -
What drives me insane is how you're always telling everyone how your poetry isn't good. But this poem actually makes me want to comment. Which is hard to do It was really metaphoric, which is nice. And articulate. You said exactly what you meant to say, there was no confusion, and you still did it poetically. *gold star* for you.
Good luck with the dog
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Hey, I really like this one... it is a great write. The whole idea is very interesting, especially the first stanza about the straightjacket...
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haha, I know, sounds weird right? But gimme a break, it was before I got any caffeine in me. Might rework that later when I have more time, thanks for the advice.
And thankya for the comment,
Amanda -
Well, I know I'm quite open on this site, and I can safely say that there are probably people out there that can't stand me lol. That's alright though; being as honest as possible gives your readers (and those whose pieces you read) an idea of the "real you," if there is such a thing in today's world; so many people hide behind masks and charades, that I wonder if there is such a thing as a "real you."
I found this to be an interesting piece; it has some rhythm, which you don't see too often for a free-verse piece. As a result, the last stanza just doesn't do it for me, particularly the stanza's last line. The wording just drags out the line, making it seem far longer than any other line in the piece. As for the last line, which simply states, "To just listen," I think you can incorporate it into the last stanza with a bit of a re-work. Here's an example I came up with:
But the words stay inside me still
Trapped for some nameless fear
But maybe they'll tumble out someday
And if they do, I pray you'll just listen
Of course, that's just an idea; I'm sure you can come up with something better than that. Overall, this wasn't too bad; it's fun whipping up something in the morning, eh? -
I'm glad you like it, and thanks for commenting,
Amanda -
cool poem. am interesting read !
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