a dismal expanse
trees fade into silhouette
life forgets to breathe
embraced by the fallen hush
an oak leaf lightly trembles
Author notes
found this hiding in the dust with "sundown". revised it some.
Written November 24th, 2001
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faf: ambiguity is something i've been playing around with quite a bit recently (though not in this form lately). glad you appreciate the subtlies.
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This was truly breathtaking...
life forgets to breathe
This leaves room for so much ambiguity...I really enjoyed the form and beauty contained within this. well done
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How do I even begin to comment
when I am learning from your great volume of work and experience?
what happens when 'life forgets to breathe'?
scary but entrancing thought.
I will acquaint myself with more of your works then begin my headlong dive into study under your tutelage.
thanks again. -
Good job, Erin. You carefully craft your image, then trust yourself enough o let it speak for itself. the oak leaf decision was a good one, not only is leaf tremble a little more accesible, but the more precise image gives this greater depth.
Funny, I have lots of associations for trees, and there are a variety of animals who are totem animals for me; but while I have had particular trees act as spirits for me, I've never abstracted out tree spirits for types of trees.
Brian -
Mmm... Sandi picked out my favorite line. What an accurate expression in attempts to nail the overall feeling of this piece!
A fragile poem, if you will. The image that you leave to resound in our minds is breath-taking in its own gentle way. Gave me chills.
You obviously have the ability to bring forth a great deal of beauty in both lengthy and brief poetry. Quite captivating, Erin. I've always taken a love in the fireside era. You've just taken me one step closer to loving this era (Whatever name it may possess). I do hope you are discovered... You would make a great name for the poetry of our times. -
I think this is one of the better poems i've read. It's short but sweet.^_^.
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i read and reviewed the man with the scanner, and now i've read twilight, short but when its this good who needs length ?
try one of mine ! -
All I have to say about this poem is that it is totally beautiful. I want to point out my favourite line and that's all I have to say.
"life forgets to breathe" Wow. powerful stuff, that.
Maab -
great write
aw this is a short and good poem great good -
Very nice. It reminds me of late October, just before Winter rushes in to destroy that leaf. The background on this page is really nice by the way.
Happy Easter.
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wonderfull
You took me there. So sad, yet beautiful. Sad is the wrong word...emotional. Im still holding my breath. -
a product of revision. it was originally "a tree limb"--three and a half years later i return to the poem and for some reason decide it was "an oak leaf".
one reason for my choosing the oak leaf is that it's versitile. there are so many different types of oak that the trembling oak leaf can take on several dozen different appearances and have a lot of different connotations and personal relations depending on who's reading and what his or her background and experience with nature is.
for me personally the oak is a guardian spirit--long story--as is the redwood. -
I can gush and stuff but thats not what you're here for, as for critiquing this piece, there's just no point, what can I say that hasn't been said? its beautiful, a little sad, isolated mabey.
Since the Oak tree has giant significance for the poet from pre-classical times, I'm curious, if there was a specific reason you chose the Oak leaf as the leaf that trembles? -
crystaldust 25-03-05 21:09
I feel it's almost en offense to comment on something as perfect as these lines, Mr. Thomas. Beauty and perfection encapsulated and with them the fragility of sensing rather than describing in detail. Great write ... just keep them coming. -
"life forgets to breathe" WOW, Erin, this is quite the visual in so few words! There is something so special out the coming of night, it's like nature turns out the light and all know its time to rest. Beautiful pen my friend
and blessings,Sandi
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wow, that was neat. this may be a case of the reader seeing more of the author's intent than the author himself was aware of.
hrrm... now i'm going to go over my other tankas with your thoughts in mind and see if anything looks different to me. -
Lots of energy in this one Mr. Thomas!
Don't scribble phone numbers on this one!!!!
Friends,
John
PS> I'm out of breath trying to teach you to breathe correctly!! -
Just remember if you are catching your breath you don't need the e, but if you are going to breathe you have to have the e. Anyway, that's the way I keep them straight. Maybe that will help. I throughly enjoyed the poem.
Damon D. Brewer
Edited on Mar 23, 4:13 p.m. because ''. -
This appears to me to be like a 180 degree opposite of the saying "too close to the forest to see the trees"...in this case you are so far from the forest you cannot see the trees as anything but a sillouette, but the motion of the single leaf which catches your eye. Metaphoricly I say this is the author feeling like he is on the outside, looking in and noticing a tragic or significant event which he does not fully understand except through association.
Just my take on first read, but as you know, I shall re-read it a few times and may change my opinion at some future point in time.
Kind regards,
Del -
i don't know what it is with me and that word "breath(e)". my girlfriend is constantly correcting me on this one and it just won't sink in. thanks for pointing this out to me (before my girlfriend did--maybe she'll think i'm actually making progress if she sees it spelled right by the time she actually gets here).
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