Wreathed

wreathed in smoke and glowing embers
bitter angst-ridden life
each pill lined up before me
in one uniform line
twelve wedding day white pills,
no make that six
the mirrored illusion of twelve
that shattered mirror
my bloody fist
who did I see standing there? alone?
surely not this ghost

sanity has fled
hidden, cowering
in the darkest recesses of my mind
can I not find it?
can you not find it?
alone, without my mind,
blinded, stumbling
all alone with only a skeleton soul

drowning in depression
shafts of scalding light pierce me
lost in the depth
sudden illumination
a vivid, sacred being
life forced back into my emaciated lungs
choking, gasping

ten pacifying fingers soothe away my ten twitching veins
bitter air turns sweet
sanctifying grace sent from above,
above the achingly blue sky
gossamer strands of love
four hundred thirty seven days of heavenly bliss
searing feeling shocks my deadened nerves
reawakened, reborn
from that drug induced stupor
crystallized happiness forever encased in liquid glass
twenty-nine dozen roses
twenty-nine hundred smiles
twenty-nine thousand caresses
an endless eternity
but what is good cannot last
and shattered shards of love are all that's left
violently ripped away
forever suddenly becomes never
broken in half discarded life
pieces of my world slowly fall away
crash
splintered fabrication of a dream
that drips crimson blood
dripping from my heart
the color of my love
proof on paper
petrified forever
I have tasted life
so shortly a sweet and sour sample
I need this fix
my hands begin to shake
a seizure of their own
disconnected faith

a tantalizing shade of that past life
brushes her lips against mine
a breathy greeting
a goodbye
a hopeless tease that will never more be mine
to keep in a pristine box preserved forever
clawing, ripping, scraping feelings
locked away in that box,
not allowed to  break their fragile prison

unwanted tears slip down my weary broken face
one by one into my cupped hands
pools of feeling and forbidden love
can you not see our hearts break?

once again twelve wedding day white pills
lined up before my bone-dry eyes
no tears left to shed
it is no mirrored illusion