Sonnet on Shrimps
A week submerged in summer, and the boat
is a green mass of river-weed. Within the hull
shrimps flicker and fish glide, threading the full
curtains and branches, laces and frills that coat
the timbers. A sudden riot of flowering
fronds of life on old white-painted boards
bobbing in summer sun. A strange Lilliputian world
of garden, castle, turret, glade, now lowering
to ripples, tethered in hot green, holding fast hoards
of inch-long lives, filigreed, soft tracery swirled.
Along the bay, four other boats lie so,
green, teaming with life where the warm shallows flash:
odd, unintended cradles, rocking with the splash
of washes, waiting in the summer morning's glow.
___
Author notes
Written March 21st, 2005
A contest entry
- Show Me Your Best Sonnet..... by poet2angels.
300 points, ended March 12, 2006, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Try the Wine by Quixotically Yours.
500 points, ended February 2, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nature (Contest) by misticmoonlite.
625 points, ended August 25, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wildlife In Its Natural Habitat by misticmoonlite.
475 points, ended October 14, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyming Pre-Write Extravaganza 2 by piccola.
600 points, ended September 29, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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vivid imagery. I much prefer sonnets to appear orderly with line breaks (stanzas) so the rhyme is easy to find. This way it appears at first to be free form and I have to look for the rhyme. Personal preference. Thank you for entering.
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I did comment on this before,but did not change the scenery you painted ,very lovely entry,thank you and good luck in our contest...MM
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very well written
I like the way the words flowed with the words you used,seems like A lot of fun to catch your own, thanks for entering our contest,good luck
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I love sonnets, and I think you did an especially good job with this form. I did notice, however, that you sometimes have more than 10 syllables per line, which is part of what makes a sonnet a sonnet. They're so confining sometimes...
I like "unintended cradles" and all the wonderful ocean-ful imagery you use. Your tone is gentle, calm, tranquil, and descriptive, like the waves of the sea itself and at the same time, a bit like a Discovery Channel documentary on shrimp.
Thank you for honoring my contest with this beautifukl write! -
I do not know wehat work of mine has inspired your comments or why. I do not normally bother commenting on the efforts of 13 year-olds.
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look, this is a site to share your poetry if you like it great if you dont i dont wanna hear it, you didnt have to read it asshole.
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Thank you
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Wow .....more images this one creates with wonderful flow.....Another great write from you!.........Lynda
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Now this is excellant for a choice of a subject for a Sonnet. At first I thought maybe it was a parody or a mocking piece, but I found it differently. I applaud you for going away from the conventional and trying soemthing new and experimental. Help evolve the world of poetry. great write. gregg
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I have tried to add an author's comment but have none, except that it is one of a series I am writing about the Swan River in Western Australia. The poem speaks for itself or not at all. It has no deeper meaning.
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Very Unique topic for a Sonnet. I liked it, I didn't think someone could come up with so many wonderful words with such an unusual topic. It kinda made me giggle at the cutness of you describing the little land in the water and all. Atleast I hope that is what you were writing about because that is what I interpreted from this piece. Anyway, good job, and good luck.
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Thank you for your kind words. A lot of my sonnets are not very convention as far as rhyme-scheme goes - I have been trying to invent my own form. I am sorry but I am not very well at the moment so can't write much
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Very interesting. You know much about shrimp, and I didn't realize there was so much to know. I enjoyed your sonnet. I've been trying to learn how to write them, and someday I will. For now, I will be content to read those of others. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest. Patricia
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Some are tinier than others. These were very small indeed. I had Chinese last night and the night before. We have things here called "King Prawns" and "Junior Prawns" in Chinese and India cuiseine. We have a lot of lovely resturaunts, as well as the river, within walking distance. However it is raining tonight and we had cauliflower cheese, garnished with chives from my very own garden. (Perth, with a population of about 1.2 million, has 3,000 resturaunts. Rome has 800). i am rabbitting on a bit because i am relieved to be at the end of a truely horrible case.
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"tiny" and "shrimp" in the same sentence made me smile, all shrimp are tiny. when i see the [hrase 'jumbo shrimp' that makes me smile too. @<----shrimp
i loved the lines in this poem about the boats being cradles rocking, that being said, i am calling for chinese take out. -
They were very tiny shrimps. You would not have had to eat them.
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not my cup of sauce at all, i don't know why, i just do not care for this poem, perhaps due to the fact i am allergic to all shell fish and shrimp makes me very ill to even smell it.
i must leave this page now for i am feeling a bit green. lalala
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This is a wonderful poem, I enjoyed the form very much as well as the vivid description of the river. Thank you for entering the contest. cake
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"Sonnett on Shrimps" was set in the Swan River in Western Australia - a very wide, shallow estuary. I don't know in the waters in Sussex would be hot enough, even in summer, for such rapid growth.
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crystaldust 16-05-05 22:29
Yes, it's an unusual sonnet form but it's beautiful. I love this. I can smell the shrimps and the river weed and even the "unintended cradles", I gather this is one of your Selsey poems? Shall be looking for more. Sussex is a special county for me (more East than West because I've spent more years in the former) and,if you feel like it, you might find more of my nature/trees poems. I'd like that. Talk again soon, I hope. -
sonnet? regardless of that, the imagery is well done and the scene is conveyed most vividly...this is promising...i'm going to have to read more...peace
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Good sonnet with great description, keep writing this was fantastic
Thanks for commenting on my poem
All the best,
Pozo
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Your imagery in this is really beautiful... an interesting variation on the sonnet form, as well as a very creative topic choice. I liked this a lot!
Nicely done,
~ Wendy
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