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After the Funeral

Missing image

After the funeral
the Past departed with the last forced mourners,
whose facial expressions
with their tremolo of tics, -
tell-tale suppressions, -
told of fear. Tension in tightened corners
of mouth and eyes.
Terror, surprise,
trembling cries,
each would disguise, -
anguish masked, questions unanswered here.

The Past departed, partly of its own accord
parts, shut out, ignored,
their roles played out
as few could still afford
to flout mor[t]ality.
Time’s uncertainties by Time itself underscored.
Departure leaving
absence of feeling.
Absence of feeling
hermetically sealing
from mind and face all trace of childhood innocence.

In place of innocence and grace, -
Loss, emptiness !
Emptiness here an imperfect vacuum
open unto wilderness
of self-delusion of strength
which, all the more fragile for its brave face,
is self-defeating.
A vacuum is strong,
it can do no wrong,
being internally self sufficient.

The Past departed; at first sight seeming to ease out emotion.
threat squeezing, freezing,
unappeasingly diseasing.
The surface calm afforded no balm, no outlet for the lotion
that soothes the spirit,
dowsing suffering and pain,
incorporating the magic potion
which to love and light restores
the soul through tears.
Tears, in childhood and advancing years,
cleanse fears.

Superficial calm masks
the rampant tiger of repression
whose burning eyes prowl through
the layers of sensation
to plough the deep recesses of the mind,
exploding the barriers which we
in our blindness instinctively
erect. Too soon we lose the key
to unlock them, thus we restrain Love’s passage to the world.

Yet, although fears increase, prevent release,
distort the soul, fragment the whole,
there too are feeling forces,
secret sources which well up and chart
twin courses down the cheeks from which the heart’s
resources spring, may bring relief, sing peace.

The Past departed with the last forced mourners,
Their dark impressions cold and drear, conscience unclear.
Unwelcome intimations of mortality
pervasively intruded, could not disappear.
Release was a luxury few could afford.
Terror, surprise, tension in tightened corners
of mouth and eyes. The dreaded shadow loomed near,
as surface distress, masking primal self-pity,
angrily welled up, and, for the living, shed a tear.
 









Author notes

Jonathan Robin

pic: Egyptian Book of the Dead
soul being weighed against a feather

In a list

A contest entry

Courtesy welcome and extended

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 31 of 31

  • peregrin
    September 26
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Wow...
    this is different,
    not quite what I was looking for.
    But fantastic none the less.

  • crazy-chrissy
    September 20

    Edit | Reply
    Great poem!
    keep up the great writing!!!
    I really like this poem!!
    thanks so much for entering my contest
    ~christina

  • iiwuvyouxoxo
    September 8
    Edit | Reply
    such a vivid poem
    great job

  • NoUseForAName
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    I don't want to remove this from the contest because I really like it. I can tell you in order for it to really be considered to place, the grammar needs to be cleaned up quite a bit.

    Because there is so much in this piece, I would rely on line breaks and spacing rather than commas and dashes to force the pause. I would also lean heavily on consistency through out the piece in regard to punctuation because there is so much going on.

    That said, I do like this. I enjoyed the first read a lot and the third read even more. Hopefully you choose to take the suggestions to heart and revise.

    Thanks for entering.

  • SchizoChic gold member
    August 8
    Edit | Reply
    Brilliant work. Thanks for entering.
  • This is great!
    I really like it!
    Thank you for entering my contest

  • and234
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful, yet tragic, wonderful repetition.

    "mor[t]ality." great play on words.

    Thank you and good luck in my contest!
  • Well done, poeticly this is great. But, I did not get the dark feel to it that I was looking for.

    Thanks for entering my challenge and good luck.

    **Ktulu Blackwolfe**

  • RX-Queen
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    Great write, exceptional imagery, I really liked the fifth stanza, very well done. Thanx for enterng and good luck!
  • OMG!this one was absolutely amazing!My words are simply useless!
    3xBravo!!!

  • It gave me chills

    This is really powerful...I got a chill reading it...I felt it, I saw it...
    It flowed nicely.
    Good luck in the contest.

  • So sad... Death is always a terible answer, to an awful truth, that we don't live forever. I hate funerals, they really disturb and depress me. I hate goodbyes, it means someone has truly gone and I can't bare that, life changes those days.
  • Man this is pretty sad, but great job on the poem man. My favorite part was:
    After the funeral
    the Past departed with the last forced mourners,
    whose facial expressions
    with their tremolo of tics, -
    tell-tale suppressions, -
    told of fear. Tension in tightened corners
    of mouth and eyes.
    Terror, surprise.

    . Rewarded 6

  • holy amazing! awesome job

  • Funluvingrl16
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    this was amazing i will read more of your work when i get around to it. im kind of craped for time right now. but definetly and positivly keep on writhing. i also like the length on this, it shows that you put a lot of feeling and thought into this.

    . Rewarded 4


  • pancake
    April 15
    Edit | Reply

    How do you do that???

    Wow. Amaizing!

  • SafeRefuge
    April 12

    Edit | Reply

    Your Poem makes me want to cry

    I absolutely love the emotions portrayed in your piece. . .The rhyme scheme adds to the effect. To be able to describe something that a lot of people do not wish to discuss so vividly and still not lose one's attention is AMAZING!!! The title of the poem leads you to believe that the piece is going to be simple and to the point. But it mislead. . .Instead it was not complicated, but yet not simple either. It reveals the biased- no, personal feelings throughout every word and every line. This poem truly captures the essence of the description of a poetic piece. Dare I say that this piece resembles the writing style of Emily Dickinson( my favorite poet). You, my dear, have great talent and I am honored to be able to read your poetic history. In my opinion, there is no way that this poem will ever get any better. I am absolutely in love with your piece and do hope that you'll continue this marvelous gift of which you possess.

    . Rewarded 8


  • EmmaLuLu
    April 11

    Edit | Reply
    Well lets just say this poem is soo good and explains so well the feelings and how it is after a funaral. this poem is really good and im to amaturish to comment on such a great piece. it was to hard for me to understnad everything...

    . Rewarded 4

  • Um I'm sorry this didn't follow the rules because it was over the line limit. but i did read it and this was a great poem! very powerful and incredible but it can't be in this contest. I am very sorry. Better luck next time though. And great poem.

    ~Ruth~
  • I think this was powerfully written..though the line breaks were a bit off and really took away from it...as well as this line "to flout mor[t]ality."
    I don't understand, why the [t]?

    Thanks for the entry and good luck

    **Ktulu Blackwolfe**
  • I really love and I feel amazed the way you have depicted the scenario dully filled with the truths..your immagery is quite beautiful and yes very strong as well..well done...
  • Wonderful write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.


    whisper

  • Lute
    November 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this one to long, you tell too much, death should be quick and painful.


  • Pixielated
    August 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The title "After the Funeral" caught my eye. I've been through a lot of them lately. I read through it a little quickly, and even though I didn't understand every word, I felt the poem and grasped some meaning from it. So I was a little surprised to see the contest it was written for was called "felt" poetry. I think you were successful.
    And thank you for the message on my page, I'm new and every little bit of advice helps.

    . Rewarded 8


  • Shakes-spear
    July 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    very nice

    Death does leave you thinking all these things. This is a remarkable write and I'm glad to have read it. I have had many of these thoughts and feelings. Good job on this one too! The Shaker

    . Rewarded 4


  • waydownuponjoy
    January 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I thought ...

    that this poem signified some most astute observations
    and shared them in such a way as to be non-obtrusive. I could appreciate each verse and as my mind drifted between the lines I thought of all the other places that people feel so uncomfortable and seem to leave their masks on as reality whizzes by them. Their windows are clouded over and they seem to spend a great deal of time in the basement missing the parades outside! I am working up your list from the oldest first. I do appreciate your insightful ability and glad that you share of it. joy


  • Windworder gold member
    April 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    The thoughts of death and what it leaves behind in the way of mental processes was reflected clearly in this mirror of your mind. Althought somewhat verbose, the poem was filled with mind teasers.
  • Alice In Wonderland
    March 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this is exactly what i've been looking for
1 - 31 of 31