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Queen of Darkness

Her moonlight-kissed skin glows in the fog of midnight
as she entrances you into her crepuscular lair.
Her black hair spills over her shoulders,
a waterfall of darkness staining her innocence.
You can't help noticing
her succulent, pale red lips
as her tongue gently glides over
their perfect contour.
Even the cobwebbs weave a spell of lust
over your hazy mind.
Her eyes, red with hunger, lure you onto her
twilight-woven bed.
Mouth watering, you crave her milky figure.
Her dark gown gathers at her feet, enticing you
to taste her...before she tastes you.

Author notes

Vampire
Written March 19th, 2005

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Sensual Sapphire
    April 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Over all I liked this very much! I do have a sort of question for you though. Pale red lips? I get the image of pink instead of red. Is it the color you are after or the image of lifelessness?

    Vampires are wicked and some of the best literary characters as far as I'm concerned. You can see her quite well in this write.
    She makes death beautiful.


  • Alahmorah
    April 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    en·trance2 ( P )
    tr.v. en·tranced, en·tranc·ing, en·tranc·es
    To put into a trance.
    To fill with delight, wonder, or enchantment: a child who was entranced by a fairy tale.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


  • Alahmorah
    April 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    It's not supposed to be erotic.
    Love and Blessings, Ashlee


  • Poetic Fury
    April 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is dark, and this is beautiful, I caught you on the Featured List, and I just wanted to say I enjoyed this.


  • Edna Sweetlove
    April 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I can't see how you can use the noun "entrance" as a verb and I feel this acts as a bad intro to the poem; otherwise it's quite creepy and spooky.


  • ricochet rabbit
    April 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Didn't seem erotic enough to me -- but that is because mere descriptions are not good enough. I can only be turned on if there is an element of personality. I need to care for the character before I go ga-ga over her.


  • Scarlet Ambrosia
    March 23, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this a very well written piece Ashlee,
    Good luck in the contest

    Gothic Angel


  • March 22, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    ooo i liked getting stuck within this!
    thank you for your lovely comment and reading me
    excellent poem


  • x9Nocturnal9x
    March 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for looking at my entry! I really like yours..just as HauntOfTheLost said, there is very descriptive language and imagery..I like how poems don't have to rhyme and can still flow! Methinks I want that vampire too lol Great write and best of luck!
    -Lis


  • March 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    WOW! Ashlee, just amazing in imagery... "book writing time" great beginning of an opening page of a novel... absolutely fantastic! And you did it my friend, you made her quite the seductress, excellent! Best of luck in the contest, it's superb, Love and many blessings, Annie

  • Alahmorah
    March 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you. I am a free-form, non-rhyming poet.
    P.S. I want this vampire, too. Ha.
    Love and Blessings, Ashlee


  • Mannequin
    March 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I want this vampire hehehe awesome write very descriptive language and great imagery! Flows very naturally although it doesn't rhyme. Very sensual write. Good job and thanks for entering!

1 - 12 of 12