we thought we were beautiful
dancing to Moulin Rouge
singing out the words we were
too innocent and young to understand
you
50 pounds overweight
i
underdeveloped
and when the maid's son came
to stare at us through the window
in our fallen glory
he ran
we thought he was scared
we thought we were beautiful
we were wrong
and when you said
your mom was going to escape
with you and David
and leave your abusive step-dad behind
you gave me a letter
to give to Adrian
who never knew you lost weight
who didn't think you were
beautiful
i still have it
i read it sometimes
wondering what it was like to be
Godzilla
and
Fatso
and
Fea
and all the skinny girls
getting what you wanted
and pretending Adrian was your bear
when i slept over
and you wanted to kiss him
you thought you were beautiful
you were wrong
and when your step-dad
ripped the phone out of the wall and threw it at your mom
and i was scared
i had slept over again
we locked the door
and put on
"Enamorado de Britney Spears"
to comfort us
your sadness
my fear
and we tried on make-up
until i thought i would die
from the perfume smells
we thought we were beautiful
we were wrong
and i knew it was hard
and yes
i told people about your problems
and yes
i exaggerated the truth
but you got suicidal
and went a little crazy
and you were so far away
and i wanted to save you
but what i don't get is
all those years you were left
alone
-the overweight one-
-it spreads like plague-
-don't touch her-
i was your friend
even when you did a seance
and i don't believe in them
even when at 12 years old
you thought about
grown up things
involving boys
even when you over plucked my eyebrows
and we walked your dog
instead of playing video games
even when you were possessive
and needy
and messed up
most of the time
i stuck by you
and yeah
i messed up, too
but what about the people who made fun of you
were you on their side all along
was it just a scam
to get poor little me
to care about something
i thought you were beautiful
i was wrong
i still remember
what you said
in your e-mail
"you can go to hell
you...christian"
and you unmasked me
and hated me
and trust me
the feeling was mutual
but still
i worry about you
i betrayed you
i wonder if you did kill yourself
and you sobbing
and moving away
and giving up in pain
you thought i was beautiful
you were wrong
and so after all
the excuses
and apologies
i still don't know if
you've forgiven me
because you've left so many times
i don't know where you
are anymore
and i remember i would beg
my mom to let me sleep over
and that's when
you tainted me
at ten
with R-rated movies
and alcohol
you drank
i didn't
and unsure thoughts
and hell
and i wish
i could bring you back
from it all
but i screwed up
i thought i was beautiful
i was wrong
Author notes
when i read this...
i sound so messed up...
I'M NOT!!!!!!!!
i'm SO not...
i'm actually a very [stress VERY] person...
just the past is haunting...
and this is definetly haunting...
ummmms...yeah!!
i hope you all liked it...
escucha al sonido de tu corazon
lo oiste?
ya sabes que no estas vivo
jamas seras vivo
y lloro por ti
pero yo tengo vida
y lo voy a vivir...
[SPANISH ROCKS!!!! 
]
Written March 19th, 2005
In a list
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Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Amazing
I love stories like this, and I feel somewhat normal after reading it…kiddin’ Haha. A great piece for sure. I love it!
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A very emotional and soulsearching piece, pb. You really dig deep inside to come up with such well expressed, vividly written work.
I could feel a little of myself in this, from both sides, hers and yours. I'm reminded of myself at a young age and my best friend Joyce. We didn'treally have the family problems which your friend had but in our 12/13 year old maturity we managed to make ourselves think (though not truly believe) that our parents were terrible.
I'm sorry about the relationship between you and your friend deteriorating as it did, and I can understand your feelings.
You did a wonderful job with this. It's perfect as it is..I hope you don't change it.
Dee
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complicated ...but good.
Oh god, that was kind of painful to read. Some of it sounds familliar... it really kept me reading, very gripping. I like the repetition. -
Bravo
So many things to drive us to drink. I've never had the kinds of problems that you've had with your friend, mainly because I don't get close to people, but that's a bad thing, so in a way all the suffering you've gone through, all the times you've danced in the undertow while the world watched with bitter eyes, it's done you some good, because you've got the gift to make it your own, the pain that is. Damn good write, and bravo -
Wow! this is great!!! Great emotion! You had me captivated right to the end. Super thought flow!!!
peace-
Toltec Warrior -
Wow. What a great poem. I think what you wrote about here is something justa bout every teenager feels or goes through. You did a great job at capturing the pain, the uncertainty, the frailty of ego, wanting to be accepted, but it never happening, the betrayal. Great job.
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oh wow. that was so sad. i;m so sorry thsi happened to you. i know what it's like to watch a best friend slowy change before your eyes and turn into a complete stranger and a your enemy
~Heather~
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Interesting
Good content, I love the theme, personally I would have edited it down a bit, but I can totally understand those works that just "will not" be shortened. -
Beautifully Sad
Wow! This is written so well! I really like the whole general meaning of this piece too. And it is really sad what happened. Anyways, great write and keep up the awesome work! -
That was...emotional to say the least Great write here you expressed yourself well and I'm left a bit open mouthed...
xxx
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that was great! i really enjoyed reading it ^^
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why was this poem funny?
it was really good and emotional, and soem bits in it made me smile, but it wasnt FUNNY, let alone the funniest poem. -
I know you're not sweetie. lol And I'm glad you remain true to you. Be Well and Be Blessed.
-
YOU WERE SPEECHLESS???
[**loud gasp**...followed by **fainting**]
well...it's okay if you totally didn't get the point...
it was kinda a complicated point if you weren't there...
i'm glad you liked it so much!!
-
wait...
IT GOT FEATURED??
[!!?!?!?!?]
thanks for commenting!!
yeah...it came out in like 4 minutes...i just had it...and then it ended...
i'm glad you needed to read my poem...
-
i don't try to change the past...
but i'm not like mad depressed or suicidal or something like that...
i'm just me...
thanks for the comment!!
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you were in shock????
[SCORE ONE FOR ME!!]
so much emotion...so little time...yeah...i know
YOU LIKE MY STYLE????
[SCORE TWO FOR ME!!]
anyways...thanks for the comment...
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thanks so much for the comment!!
it surprised me that i'd never written a poem about this...but it just came out so freely...
i'm so glad i made you think!!!
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Wow this is so great... I don't even know what to say, I say this every time I like a poem so I don't think I could say something more but... It's really so different and impressive and I've never read anything like this before. It has a lot of emotion in it and it's so sad... I'm not sure I got your point with this entirely, but it made me feel so good reading your poem... I guess it's one of the best I've ever read (and I've read many). I usually don'ty state things like this but... wow, you let me speechless. Keep on writing, this is amazing!!!
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Hilarious
That was by far the funniest thing I've ever read. -
dont touch it!
ooh ooh ooh... im so so glad i found you on this site.
damn. this poem was amazing, did it all come out at once? it seems so well thought out and structured and perfect and just wow, wow, wow, wow. the way that you use "we were wrong" is amazing, ti adds so much depth to it, because you get all hopeful in the verse, and then theres a little gap and the truth comes through.
and here you are being all nice to her, and then it changes to her being so mean to you, and then you realise you werent exactly the nicest person either. oh its crazy, its good, im so glad it got featured too!!
i really needed to read this poem today, so thankyou. -
Where do I begin, Im speakless, I've never read such and intense, beautiful, emotionally deep piece of work. It hits you right where its suppose to deep down in you.
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Ps. sorry it's sunday morning early and I am in coma, forgot to give you this so catch, hugs Di
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This is a great write, in fact it is excellent on the emotion, although written in a matter of fact way it strikes a hard clout, very powerful, it leaves the reader stiil holding their breath, great my friend, an excellent write, hugs Di
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This brought tears to my eyes, I know exactly what you are talking about, about how you stuck with somebody even if nobody else would and then she turned on you..This has a ton of emotion and it is one of my favorite poems I have read on this whole site..Very very beautiful job!
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wow not only do i like this, but i like that u putt effort in this to full fill the whole poem great work!
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Very indepth look at truths and lies. The lies we used to tell ourselves and others and the truths that we have realized through personal reflection. Honey, you can't change your past so, don't even try however; your future is what you make it. So please, make it the best you can. Through looking back and reflecting, we grow, and I see that growth in you. I hope that soon, you come to a resolution of these things in the past. Very compassionate write. Keep up the good work. You are alwaays in my thoughts and prayers. Be Well and Be Blessed.
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Great Job
You have a very distinctive style, and I like it. Your poems are very long, but that's because there is so much to say, and we get the whole story. I had no idea what to expect from the title. This was so personal and so emotional, I was in shock. I hope you win your contest. Great job. -
Wow! What a deep write. Alot of emotion going on. What's the real story here. Were they never there for you when you were there for them? Really good write. Kept my attention and made me think.
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well...i don't know
but seriously...this is one of those issues that just
won't
go
away
even after like 4 years...why does life suck so bad??
yay!!! you learned something about me....
i want to have some Q & A...
thanks...for the applause...
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Oh my goodness. I think there are many aspects of your life I'll never, even know about you. I definitely learned something here. But this was so strong, and so personal, but interesting to read. How the Hell do you do that? Whatever. Well, wonderful job.
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