through the open door
cherry-blossom raindrops
sprinkle my Geo white
suddenly countless concerns
are lost in a catch of breath
Author notes
wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Written March 19th, 2005
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Comments
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It can be very overwhelming when we find something that we like so much and has such a profound impact on us that it takes our breath away. You do good emotion stuff, I note.
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Moving
HA! So this is a tanka! Cool... I think I can do this with a little more practice! You most definitley hold a special place for nature in your being. You write about trees, raindrops, and several other items that are refusing to be recalled at the moment but I know there is more...
If you ever need an isolated area with pure nature you might sometime in the future consider Look Out Mt. in Alabama... Inspiration literally bites you here.....
Moving write....
KAY -
Wheee!!! Fun and lighthearted, good natured and it just makes me feel the joy that you're describing to read this tanka. Love it.
Maab -
good job
Nothing smells cleaner than a breath after a rain. I would imagine that cherry blossoms would only add to that sensation.
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This I can see as I have blossoms outside my window. I agree, breath leaves your body as do thoughts. I sit here and stare all day, watching life move outside my window world. Beautiful. Scrunches down in chair. Now remember. Don't return the favor ha ha You scare me.. Take Care Great Writer, Catressa
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Very nicely said, reminds me of the japanese gardens two weeks ago ... your description was sweetly said.
~Tina -
This poem is beautiful. It reminded me of when I was a little girl looking out the window at my grandmothers house on a early spring morning and everything was kissed with snow the night before, including the cherry blossoms lol, it was a sight that took my breath away. Thanks for reminding me of this beautiful memory
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crystaldust 20-03-05 15:19
Perfection? I think so, Erin Thomas. Thank you. -
Nice.
~shaitus. -
Lost in a catch of breath and that darling little giggle that you make when you're happy. A lovely capturing of that beautiful moment yesterday morning. Love it.
~Bezoar -
Just gorgeous!
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well, theres not a whole lot of point on me commenting on this, as windhover3s comment is so incredibly detailed; i agree with everything he said. but my little contribution would merely be, excellent little write, and the cherry-blossom raindrops is truly inspirational. very poetical indeed.
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wheee is right. "cherry-blossom raindrops" asserts itself here like a bucket of water, and I assume your Geo is the car (though the earth connotation isn't lost), so the juxtiposition of this highly "poet" image and the mundane creates a bracing contrast (almost too much for "sprinkle" to bridge). This of course is hightened by the trochees and hard stresses. Ending with the hard stress "white" makes the image stand out in sharp relief, suspending the transition into the second stanza despite the absense of capitalization.
I love the meter of the final couplet. Dactyl trochee trochee/iamb anapest iamb. I thought it was a good choice to transition the reader, to settle the reader back into the a more clearly lyric contemplation.
This is a bold poem for a cherry-blossom sprinkle, but I think you pretty effectively catch the moment of shock. There is a tension between the passive tone of the first line, the softness of the blossoms and of "sprinkle" with the meter which carries the effect of pulling one up straight. Tough effect to accomplish. The transition from external image to internal reflection that takes place between the stanzas is left in the moment of silence, and then the rolling rythm of the mixed lines pulls us in.
Well done. -
I didn't know it snowed in Oregon...haha.
Seems like something to get elated about though and if you found joy in the scene, far be it from me to argue. I live for the rain, but you can have all the white fluffy, cherry-blossom drops...
Cheers,
Del -
a random click brought me here
and I am happy!
what a lovely picture here~
I like the idea of one's breath being taken away by nature's sights and I love cherry blossom so guess this works for me!
shall read more of your work real soon...
elaine
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nice write
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