Got a dime? Not this time!
You're camouflaged in my mind-
Pesky bums, need to work,
Our Victims of Comfort
The winds are howlin'
My bed is warm-
He's under the concrete Hilton,
Part of I-64.
Feed the pigeons and the ducks-
Not the child with no luck.
Gunshots ring, the pigeons fly,
Not the child, his day to die.
No tears shed, no heart to hear-
Another one gone, who cares,
Don't help him- not that sort-
Our Victims of Comfort
The redlight Queen is just 15
Two years in this deadly game.
You got twenty, I got plenty-
He's so glad, just like dad.
Needles gave me such a scare,
Ask me now, I just don't care.
I'm dying now- they call it A.I.D.S.
10 years ago I had it made.
No tears shed, no heart to hear-
Another one gone, who cares,
Don't help him, not that sort-
Our Victims of Comfort
Crazy Jane's gone shopping now,
From can to can, what's she found?
Her cart is full, her stomach bare-
That fine suit, he doesn't care.
Snow fell quick, the flame did too-
This Maytag box is not for you.
Jane died that day, in her sleep-
No one there, to morn or weep.
No tears shed, no heart to hear-
Another one gone, who cares,
Don't help her, not that sort-
Our Victims of Comfort
The babe is born, tubes in it's veins,
His Mommy CRACKed his brain.
He's of that sort, he's unaware-
When he's 10, he'll see the stares.
This road is long, this life is short,
The streets are full of all these sorts-
Our Victims of Comfort
Author notes
Written October 16th, 2002
MuddyKing
In a list
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1 - 37 of 37
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This poem is sad, intense, and touches on so many ills within our society, possiblly caused by sheer loneliness and despair. It truly seems that "no one cares". Your repeated stanza worked very well.
You came to AP already a skilled poet. That is easy to see. Thank you for this entry and I wish you the best in the challenge.
Much Love Always ♥
Renee
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This is so like mine lol...
I do agree I got a haunting feeling when reading it of deja vu'
AMazing just like everything you write my friend
Lynda
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So many images are evoked by the title phrase- mostly unpleasant but that's not to say there isn't hope.
The rhyming and rhythm are not cheesy or overdone, instead they serve to quicken the pace and chill the mood of the poem.
It's a vicious cycle for the homeless- they've got no jobs, therefore no money, and therefore no home. However, most jobs ask for an address or phone nuber- without that, hiring is unlikely. There's times I've considered living in a shelter because of high stress problems with family but then I realize there are people with no one, not even someone they can't get along with, for them to stay with.
Anyways, I digress... back to your poem...
Dictionary.com says "pidgeons" has no D in it.
I like this phrase visually "no heart to hear"
The apostrophe is misplaced in "he does'nt care"
"tubes in it's veins" should be "its" -
very good poem very relatable. very good description of todays world and how its always children who suffer the most. very well written you have definatly given me something to think about this poem will haunt me for a long time well done and keep up with the excellent writting
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very good
very deep and to the point we are victims of comfort most of us that is. we have all our stuff and we think thats what mattered and we missed all those things and people nobody else saw either and the world lost something but nobody even knows what its crazy man and you said it perfectly we are all victims of comfort -
a well written piece about today's society how we overlook them and the tragedies that befall to those of this circumstance. Great job & all the best in the contest.
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Probably the first poem I've read on this subject matter, but will haunt me from now one. Quite an interesting beat/rhyme structure, which adds to the subject in being 'awkward'. Definatly needs some music to it, but you'd have a nation crying.
Very good -
This is a sad, but true view of American life! Great job & good luck in the contest!!
Peace...Syah
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What a sad and almost depressing story you came up with here
Unfortunately these things are a part of real life.
Good luck in the contest
Leander -
A gape Magnifico !!!
Interesting thing youve captured here about life's enigmas...
I used to see the guy driving in CA in the Hummers and think that would be a kewl thing.
But since then an awareness shift has occured to me... He's probaly thinking dayam I wish I had just bought an economy SUV and not have the insurance and bills...
In Denver I used to get the same feeling about the people begging for food... I usually get high management jobs that bury me in challenges and wonder who has the better life?
Me with all my anxieties or the guy that just has to worry about his next meal not insurance and equity and capital expenditures and management meetings and the list is endless...
Great expression of the simplistic complexities of lifes decisions that we make.. Excellent Title too...
Edited on May 21, 6:29 because ''. -
Thought Provoking
You've touched upon some of the most awful conditions of our society and you've done it with such tenacity. When all is said and done, it's the children who suffer the most. This was a well written, provocative piece. Best of luck to you in this contest.
Avril
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Very sad story you've brought to light within your words. I enjoyed your rhyme scheme in this piece. Best of luck in the contest
Ruth -
Excellent!
What a wonderful, sickly sad and beautiful poem. I don't think I have anything constructive to add (except that "does'nt" should be "doesn't") but I love the bleak, slightly irreverant tone you take--it really mirrors the society you speak of! Fabulous work. I really enjoyed reading this. -
An excellent write Muddy, over here in England we are finding our own brand of aimless hopeless, homeless folk mainly kids,This poem expresses everything linked with their lonely invisible lives, Or so we would like to think they are invisible,Beautiful in all its sadness Good luck in contest
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Great write! Goodluck to my contest!
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great piece. I loved "redlight Queen" that's awesome. good job and thanks for entering.
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Muddy, Wow! Great write here. One that many people really need to read. It is all too often that situations in this poem are prevelant in today's society but often overlooked. I see alot of this in our city and it's so sad. Often times though, these people might not be recognized here in death however; I do remember several times in the newspaper over the years, that our paper has recognizied, at least the major street people here in death, talking about their lives. It is so sad though, as you have said here, that while they were with us, they were shunned and more or less forgotten. If people, just one person a day, was to do something for one of these people, imagine what a difference we could make. It's so sad that there are few who wish to even try.
Another example. In the next town, there is a big mall. At the freeway exit, every once in awhile, you find someone standing there with a sign that says, "Will Work For Food" I can never pass that person by. Even if I only have $5.00, I am throwing $2.00 of it out the window as I drive by. Or my son will go down the road to McDonald's, buy a sandwhich, fries and coffee and bring it back to the person. Just the way some of are I guess. What people don't realize though is, it's not always food or money that these people want or even need. I think, that if somebody even smiled at them or gave them a kind word, that would make all the difference in the world.
Again, such some passing thoughts. Great write my friend. It's nice to see that you don't go through life with blinders on
Be Well and Be Blessed.
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this is very strong and well written, definitely one of my favorites so far.
I love the way you treated this subject, with both reality and compassion.
you didn't glamorize it and you didn't kiss snobby bums.
good for you.
thanks for entering,
~Lea -
THEWORLDNEEDSEYES
WoW! this poem is streetlegal ..you truely have your eyes open in a world that closes them to compassion excellent write and feelings -
Insanely awsome!
This was so great. The message was so true. It was powerful, and it was poignant, and i don't think that i'll be able to get these words out of my mind for a very long time. I hope i never succeed in getting them out of my mind. Maybe, if they stick in there, then something will be done about this tragedy called "life as we know it," or maybe it's life as we DON'T know it. Very true, very sad, great write. Keep inspiring us to change, our lives and others. Change is the only way to a better world, and, to change, we have to first realize that change is needed, which it is. It is gravely needed, and we're all better off for people like you who aren't afraid to speak the truth. Thank you, and GOD BLESS! -
Nice job with a difficult subject - one we see around us all the time - but don't really see. A part of life that many of us don't want to admit exists. Good luck in the contest.
Paul -
I was over forty before I saw a homeless person. I had heard so much about them, but it never occurred to me that I'd ever really see them. One evening my oldest brother drove me through Ft. Worth, TX to show me the city. There was a man wrapped in a moth-eaten Army blanket lying on a grate in the sidewalk. My brother explained that the grate was warm and the people could sometimes be seen fighting over them.
This poem brings to light one of the most horrid plights of America's people. What a shame it is that just a few blocks away are some of the finest homes in the US. I understand it's that way in most cities.
Seattle has its "tent city" that the city keeps moving. They do the best they can, but no one--not even a church--will allow them to stay long enough to get a good night's sleep. Very sad. Good luck in the contest, my friend. Hugs, Patricia -
very nicely done, very good imagery, thank you so much for sharing it with me. good luck in the contest
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Incredibly intense writing! So often we don't see whats right in front of our eyes, but we walk right by because we're scared...there are too many Janes out there and its sad. Good job bringing it to light.
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Loads of imagery very powerful and moving. A very important message that made me think and a great flow of lyrics.
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I loved this so much it was a great poem it had great beat too!
*RSN -
This was a really expressive and thought provoking peice. A very good write and although i dont agree with the message i do think it is a great and well written poem. Great title aswell.
Ash -
This was such a communicative piece. I admire you for your ability to write about something so human and finally show how true it is. Absolutely wonderful write.
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*****
This is really good. I enjoyed the flow, and yes, this poem really does make a person think. It reminds me of this timid homeless girl I saw with my mom. We thought she was old, but up close we saw she was so young. She was meek to take our gift of money. I commend for this writre. good job. -
excellent
Excellent message conveyed here, I understand what you meant about this poem would make me think. You did an excellent job.
*Jamie* -
neutral
Wow I cannot believe I haven't read this before. What a great write! Painfully honest unfortunately. A hard look at the world. Wonderfully done my friend. :)
Red -
excellent
Great poem, very thought provoking and emotional, had great imagery. Sad though. Well done!
~Colleen -
don't touch it!
Oh wow... this kicks butt! 1st, after reading this, you must read 'sweetbrother2' on here if you haven't, you'll appreciate his work. Also, I'm floor by the realistic approach and feel to this, no bullshit, here it is attitude...yet it flows like music off the tongue. I'm impressed :-)
a few of mine on similar topics; 'overlooked', 'forgotten ones' ...'stacked on flatbed trailers'
oh... 'don't touch it' :-) -
neutral
This was filled with issues, you covered them well. I thought it was a great poem very thoughtful and provoking. -
excellent
That was grabbing, very emotional. On a topic that we all face day to day, but may not 'face' I think you brought it to light very well here.
Beautifully written! Not everyone could grab the reader and bring them into a poem like that (on such a topic).
Great work! :) -
don't touch it!
One word. WOW. This is one of the most amazing things I have ever read. It is superbly written and ryhmed and the message gets through so well...I can't even tell you how great this is...Thankyou so much for posting this. This is a true example of how we could all write and express what we think and feel. I am in awe. :) -
neutral
Good message ... and written well ..
the rhymes seemed natural .. the stories compliment the meaning ..
good job ...
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