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Toy

Used and abused

 

Beaten and broke

 

A second hand toy

 

From a second hand store.

 

No new parts

 

No "cool action phrase"

 

Nothing appealing

 

In any sort of way.

 

Bought and returned

 

Many times before.

 

It's seen disappointment

 

Anger and tears

 

All cuz' of one thing

 

Itself as of late.

 

But the toy has no mind

 

No means of escape

 

So it sits in the store

 

And stares into space

 

With a goofy little grin

 

On it's goofy little face

 

And no one knows

 

The turmoil inside

 

Just the funny little grin

 

On a goofy, used toy

Author notes


Written March 17th, 2005

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • -BlackKnight- gold member
    March 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is, what, your first write posted here on AP since June? It doesn't seem like you've lost any of your talent.

    I feel the first two lines were rather cliché; normally, I'd bust someone for using them, but I'll go easy on you, since it's your first post in exactly nine months.

    A relatively simple write, this used basic metaphors to disguise what I imagine is a more obscure message, i.e., that of personal turmoil. Don't take this as an insult; sometimes simple metaphors can work just as well as complex ones. It had good rhythm, and though there was no real rhyme scheme throughout, the piece overall flowed pretty well. All-in-all, this ain't bad; hopefully you'll be posting more often and can get better with time.

    One thing though; you posted this as a story, though it's clearly a poem. You might want to re-post this as a poem and simply delete this, so it shows up as a poem from now on.