you must have told her all these things

you must have told her all these things
the ones i love to hear
the things that make me smile
and the words that assuade my fears

but the funny part is i know they were meant
wholeheartedly when you said them to me
so i laugh and i laugh when i try to forget
they were said to her with the same honesty

"i love to be around you" and
"i love the way you smell"
well, that's fucking great, you don't love me, though
so take your thoughtful words and go to hell

i hear consistently about how wonderful i am
and just how much it sucks when i'm not here
but every statement simply begs the question:
"just how many time has this been said, dear?"

there's just one thing that you have ever said
that i could feel was entirely new:
"she never ever wanted to stay and comfort me;
the only one who ever did was you."

that makes me feel infinitely better
thank to hear about how i keep you sane,
how beautiful i am, or
how you hate to bring me pain

you bring me plenty of pain-
but much happiness too
that's why i hope you never read this-
i think you care enough that it would hurt you

but these things that i can never say
unless you've fucked up and gotten me really pissed
are the things you most need to hear from me
jesus christ- there's a whole list:

i call and you don't answer,
or i need you and you don't seem to care
which makes me wonder how damn special i am
when i am here and you are over there

we still don't have a title
and it's been a fair amount of time
you still can't pick up a telephone
even if i give you the godamned dime

her picture's in your wallet,
and it's with you every day
how did you think i'd feel about that?
what did you want me to say?

"oh, i think that's lovely, dear-
wow, she sure is pretty.
i'm glad she sits in your back pocket, really.
oh no, it ripped in half. gee, what a fucking pity."