Before I was,
before I became
There was an imperfect world.
The earth
would spin
the seasons
would change
and life would be.
We felt emotion,
loved and were loved.
But still we hurt,
felt anger,
suffered
in our own world.
Lives were taken,
as the fear of
differences
gripped the hands
of people, families
cities and nations.
Sucked into
a never ending hole
to be controlled
by a society
who demanded perfection.
But still
the earth
would spin
the seasons
would change
and life would be.
Over time
we have adjusted
as the world
has changed.
New promises,
hopes, fears
drive the world
forward into the future.
We feel emotion
happiness, joy, pain,
suffering.
Still we are drawn into
never ending holes.
We are captured by years
of a desire to conform,
to achieve power,
to succeed.
We are caught in a web
of our own lies.
But somehow
despite mistakes,
foolish demands,
and thoughtless reactions,
we survive
because the earth
keeps spinning
the seasons
are still changing
and life is
imperfect.
Author notes
Very strange piece for me... there's so much going through my mind and it's a true challenge to put it out in a way that captures the feeling.. still working on it, suggestions are welcome.
Written March 15th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I did like this a lot!
I saw your incredibly cute user name over on kirbysman's page and decided to read one or more of your poems, depending in large part how easy to swallow the first one went. I see that you are 17 years old / 12th grade so I was fully expecting an "I" poem... poetry that's saturated with the words "I", "me", my, mine, myself.... ad infinitum but was most pleasantly surprised to find an outward looking piece. You do your generation credit by being able to look past your own skin and analyze the tough hide of this cosmic grapefruit we call Earth.
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I really like the repetition about the earth still spinning and life going on. ^_^ This is a very interesting piece and I hope that you are/were able to get your thoughts onto paper. Why is your name "BewareOfCarrots" by the way? Anyway, be safe, and God bless you. Great write!
~
~ Courtney
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Great thinking going on here...
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Good
very good job. this is a very deep poem. I like it. I really...Like it. -
Good work
Lyrical, thought-provoking. You have a good style. -
this is so truthful of a poem... life is a struggle but it keeps going... there are mistakes and problems... but it keeps going... things have evolved so much and yet there are problems that will never be solved... like society's need to continuously strive for a standard with no exceptions... an unattainble goal... there will always be different people and our yearn for power, domination, and "perfection" is only driving us farther into the ground... just accept things... because no matter how much we try there are some things that cannot be done away with(like our power hungry tendencies or difference)... and so the world will spin again... and it will soon be fall... and life goes on imperfectly... and i'm so sorry to bore you with my rant when we should be talking about yours... its a wonderful beautiful poem and very meaningful and thought-provoking... you did a superb job of capturing the constant struggle for some unreachable ultimate power... very very brilliant write...
AC
Edited on Aug 20, 11:54 because ''. -
This is beautiful, and such a well thought out and meaningful poem. Hard to believe you are just 16! I'm duly impressed, not only with the subject but with the style of your poem.
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I think this is perfect the way it is. I loved the last line! And life is imperfect. Wow, what a hard hitting line. Simple and so very true. A truth many of us can't really comprehend. Wow, did this piece make me think. Kirbysman told me about your work and I would like to say he was very right, your writing is amazing!
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this is great...the form allows the reader to read it really fast which hightens the force of spiining thoughts...very deep thought might i add....and well put...i like the repetition of the phrases about the world spinning etc...good reinforcement of the cycle of life and thought...i also like how you depict the evolution of the world, not the scienfic bit, but the emotional evolution...good job, keep up the good work...peace
oh and your pen name is great! made me curious
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5 Stars
This was a wonderful poem! I really enjoyed reading it, and agree with your thoughts on the world entirely. You also knew just when to space out lines. Great piece! -
ExCeLLeNt!!!!!!!!!!!!!<3
Read my poems!!!!!!!!!!!!!<3 -
Exactly. I've always been in angst against the human race. Our "intellegence" and ability to "adapt" has only broughten this beautiful world to it's knees. To the brink of complete destruction. Who ever said humans were supposed to progress and make it this far? For what? We all die, just like any other living creature. Born, Reproduce, Die. But we are greedy. We take the world with us in a downward spiral of death and destruction. I enjoyed this, this reminded me of a few of my older pieces. Thank you for sharing.
Treble -
Wow!
It's always great fun to be around as something is being created, then to see the finished product. I've read this over several times and love the overall theme, the thoughts and the progression it follows. Everything has changed - yet nothing has changed, an idea that's tough to grasp sometimes but you've made it simple and clear here. There's something beyond us that keeps things going, and going. Excellent job, as usual, Ms. carrots. I'll send an email with some other stuff.
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