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animal

your claws dig into my vulnerable
skin and i'm in
and you can't seem to hold back
no control, preparing attack.

and your sentiment is tangled
in roaring loss of sight
and your sentient is mangled
in mourning call to blight.

your animal cravings
constantly ravings
scaring up a certain feeling
tearing up a broken ceiling.

your teeth are rending my horrible
hand and i'm banned
from giving you confessions
of egregious artifact
artifice.

Author notes


Written March 15th, 2005

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Araine
    April 1, 2005
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    This is almost creepy. I really enjoyed your visuals- I could almost feel and smell the animal! The rhyme gave it an almost "Cutesy" feeling- which was even creepier considering the dark and violent content of the poem. I almost saw this as something primitive and evil attacking you- almost like some kind of rape- or something about reverting to animalistic instincts. I thought that this was a unique piece...great work! ^_^
    Araine


  • Harlequin Girl
    April 1, 2005
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    This was a really good poem, but there were some things that could be changed to make it better. In line 10 you have 'constantly ravings,' which doesn't make sense if you change constantly to constant it would sound better and the line 'tearing up broken ceilings,' just didn't make sense in this poem at all. Other than that I really liked this.
    ~Tricia


  • QueenT
    April 1, 2005
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    really good i thought you did a great job, this peom was unusual and didnt make sense in some parts but it made perfect sense to me if that makes sense. Well anyways keep it up good job


  • Methusala
    April 1, 2005
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    odd... reminds me of that movie with that rob guy in it.... Cool poem you got here, though. Great work, DK


  • batista
    March 20, 2005
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    wicked

    hmm. this was interesting. i like how you didnt finish sentences on one line, it gave the poem a kind of abstract grammatically incorrect feeling. i loved it! lol. good work!


  • Perilin
    March 20, 2005
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    Good

    pure lust or the dying woes of a caught animal? Hard to tell in this poem that could easily confuse those who are a bit biased (come now, u know who you are ) all in all it seems somewhat fatalistic, which adds to that pure animal emotion. Love it!

1 - 6 of 6