With tears in her eyes and long tangled hair,
A cut on her knee where she fell off a wall,
And a bruise on her arm from what looks like a fall.
But it wasn’t a fall where she got her bruise,
She’d been in a fight, and got hit with her shoes,
She was taken upstairs and lay down on the floor,
She was then hugged and kissed till she couldn't take anymore.
Her clothes were took off, and he lay down on top,
He then had her pinned, she thought he’d never stop,
He made her touch him, which she didn't want to do,
She was forced to cuddle and kiss him too.
And then he was gone, she was left on the floor,
She got up real quick, and ran for the door,
She got dressed again while sat on her bed,
And silently wished that she were dead.
A little girl sits on the bottom stair,
With tears in her eyes and long tangled hair,
A cut on her knee where she fell off a wall,
And a bruise on her arm from what looks like a fall.
Author notes
All comments welcome, but please, be gentle! This was a difficult one for me to first write, and then to get the courage to add it here. Thanks
Written March 15th, 2005
A contest entry
- Abuse: Any Topic Related, Stories or Poems, Enter!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended November 25, 2006, 59 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Once More I speak to unsilence the issue by x-Black-Butterfly-x.
6000 points, ended March 8, 2008, 42 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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this was so powerful and strong the way you wrote it really captured my heart and wanted to give the girl a hug.


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That that is an amazing poem. The wording and..everything is just beautiful. It's terrifyingly beautiful. Everything fits perfectly together and flows. The emotion just drips from this poem and you feel the sadness of the little girl on the stairs. Absolutely a beautiful piece. I'm sorry it took me so long to comment back and thank you so much for reading my poem.


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I love this poem. So full of emotion, sadness and... hurt. I can tell it's hard to write it's hard to read, to be honest. I am the type of reader that reads something and can put themselves in that persons perspective and it hurts and brings a tear to my eye. You done a good job here my friend and I love the repeat of the first stanza to being the end stanza as well. Great write. Keep it up!
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h.m.!
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Great write!
Well, this is a really great write! I'm starting to judge my contest early, so I thought I'd give you the comment this deserved...this had great flow and words usage in this one. Unfortunately, I can relate to this one in some ways, so I can see where this write is coming from. It really hit close to home for me. Wonderful write and I wish you the best of luck in life and in my contest
Be blessed
-sydni
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Wow this is a great write! I hope this didn't happen to you, but if it did it's a good sign that you dealing and writing about it. About the poem, it's excellent, it's to the point and the opening and closing stanza's are heart wrenching. Especially on the second read. A great poem, good luck in the contest! xxxx
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Interesting. I like the idea of the girl cutting her knee. For some reason it just really stuck out to me as different and new in the midst of the piece. Tony.
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Chilling but very well done.
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sorry, you did forget one thing, re-read the rules a little closer. But you came very close to following my rules.
-sydni
Edited on May 07 because 'forgot to add a wink'. -
There is so much I want to say on this one, but I'm going to wait until the final judging...for now..WONDERFUL JOB ON THIS! It took great courage to post a poem of your past, trust me I know, it took a lot for me to do on AP as well. GOOD LUCK IN MY CONTEST!! Great job at following the rules
-sydni
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critical
you have such a way of expressing tragedy so beautifully. My thoughts and prayers are with you. -
Wow...this is very powerful. I really like how you used the the first stanza as the last one, as well. It is, indeed, a very hard topic to write about. I applaud you on that. I am so very sorry if this person is you. You are very brave to write about this. God bless.
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This one hurt to read...I can only imagine how much courage it must have taken to post. Thank you for sharing it...you've got guts. The way you were brutally honest without going into too much detail really heightened the overall impact of this piece. As I read it, I found myself wanting to cradle the little girl in my arms and tell her that everything will be okay, that I'll try to help her. Thanks again for sharing this one...and may your heart find peace.
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i like the fact it comes across as personal and yet you don't use personal pronouns. Great idea to repeat the first/last stanza - it 1.sets the story. 2. seems like nothing has really happened and 3.shows the reader what happened (girl sat on the stairs recalling in her mind whats happened).
the only thing im not amazingly fond on is this line "She’d been in a fight, and got hit with her shoes" i think if the wording/stresses were changed it would reaky make that stanza.
really nice poem
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Many of your contractions (okay, so two that I noticed) have extra t's after the apostrophe. Now that I've nagged over that, I definitly applaud this poem. You obviously worked very hard on this, and that shows in the perfect rhyme, the awesome rhythm, and how well your point came across to your reader. Many poems of this subject go into a lot of detail, and still sound not so good. But here, you used subtlety, and it worked beautifully. Great job on this one.
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This is really sad to think about....It's really sad that some fathers have to resort to this kind of torture...It's very well written and I do hope to see more from you! I just hope this wasn't you going through this agony...IM me if you'd ever like to talk...By the way...I'm out of applauses...Sorry!!
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This is a very difficult topic, and painful to read (let alone write). I like your straight forward approach though, you don't pull your punches, and I really respect that. The rhyme and rhythm are both wonderful, and I like the repetition of the first stanza. All in all, an excellent piece.
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This was really sad and the subject too real like someone already said. I liked the beginning and the way you built it up and used the same lines in the end.
Your rhyming is really good.
Love D.L. -
awesome write
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ok I cant possibly begin to imagine the pain behind this as i have never experinced it but my cousin has been thro a milder form of this so er well i dont really bo what to say apart frm excellent poetry n if u eva need to talk well im here
luv lilxxx -
which she didn't’t want to do SHOULD BE didn't
Yes a sad topic but all too real. And powerful. And moving. the point of poetry right? Well done. Very well said
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This was painful to read. I'm not surprised this was hard to write, these things are never easy. I don't really know what to say. It seems you've spent a long time making sure the rhyme doesn't seem forced, and that definatly comes across, I can't bare forced rhyme. Well done. I wish there was something of use I could say. x
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WOW this is wonderful.. I have been through this before and I know how hard it is..its so horrible and then when you have to see that person all the time you are so scared.. I can relate to this is a way its sad to see all the people that have this happen to them.. if you ever wanna talk about anything Im here!
<3 Haleigh















