the air feels very wide
but my chest is getting tight
and i feel like i've forgotten how to breathe
the grease permeates the membranes of my nose
and the customers won't stop coming
while we try to slip away
i was high on all the feelings
and the taut nerves of everyone, of you
pulling at me
oxygen running in frenzied circles
but never into my lungs
my limbs tense up and my fingers go numb
with the cold air of the window
seeping into my bones
one, two, three seconds i stared
at that same spot on the back-booth wall
with the memory of paint
from the day we covered all the stains
then i came back into myself and took the order
you came back and gave me this
because it reminded you of how i'd
always steal your ties
and look so like a manager
while i laughed right in your face
the mirth was uncontrollable
and the customers all stared
while i lost it while i was giving them their change
"eight forty-three," i said
"thak you, please come again."
with the giggles still escaping from my lips
i hung it on the wall
on the same spot i'd been watching
i lifted myself and perched
precariously on the cart
to hang it so you could see
and i kept my breath close
and the thoughts locked in my chest
it would be easier to breathe withour you watching
but hamburgular would still stare
Author notes
i wrote this while still with my ex-lover- we worked together- now even the smell when i go into work makes me want to cry.
Written March 15th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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awww..... sorry to hear that just the smell can bring you to tears. this was beautifully written. i always love poems that have little moments written in them -- stuff that when you as the writer re-reads will remind you of exactly what you were talking about... something that the readers wouldnt exactly know about, but you do... i dont know if that sounded right. anywho... great work!
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catwomen-
thanks so much for reading this! it probably is hard to understand- i wasn't really sure of exactly what i was trying to say when it came out- but it kinda made sense, in a weird way... anyways, i'll be reading your poetry soon, so i'll write then.
blessed be -
too weird for him-
i'm really happy that those little details were so appreciated, i can't believe it made you feel out of breath!! very exciting. anyways, i liked this title too. anyways, im looking foward to reading your work as well, when i get the chance.
blessed be -
aerestheth-
it was stange, but only the breakup- and i work at another mcdonald's now- it's just that the smells remind me of the old one-- thanks so much for commenting.
blessed be -
simbelmyne-
thank you for reading this and taking the time to point out those mistakes- so few people do... i will correct them now. and i am lookng forward to reading your work- also, please, please don't tell me god bless- i'm a pagan and it's kinda weird... but i guess nice, since i do tell everyone blessed be
so, blessed be
hope -
GREAT POEM
I had to read this poem over a few times to understand what it was about, and then it came to me, of course
, a great write, keep on writing.
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I loved this! The title was amazing and made me want to read it. I loved how reading it made me feel out of breath, which I think was your point. The theme is great. I loved the little details about the grease and the change, it made it seem all the more real. Great job.
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It's hard to have any type of relationship with a coworker. It can get a little psychotic at times to say the least! Of course, it is also quite bittersweet. My only advice for the poem would be to reread it-it has a few minor spelling errors, nothing big. Nicely done, and I hope you feel better.
~Jessica -
Wow, this is a really nice piece! I saw the title and just thought "Now that's creative! I have to click!" and I'm so very glad I did. Very original and a refreshing love poem. I found a few typos: in line 12, should be a space between "up" and "and". In line 30, "stil" is missing another "l" at the end and there's an extra space before the period. In the next to last line, "watchig" should be "watching". All in all, this is very nice work. Upon reading your author's notes, it gave the poem an added layer of sadness, bittersweet and vivid. My heart goes out to you. Very nice job. Keep up the good work! God bless & Take care, Sim.
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this is good i love the title
an the comments are so sad i feel for you
you did a great job
great write,
von b
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