He takes pride
in every stroke
in every curl
in every slope
in every slanting
slashing,
sliding
lick
of the quill
in every tittle
silent, cathartic,
steady and still
he lays down the question marks without question,
the secrets and smiles hidden behind the exclamation points.
in the loops of the l's
and the furls of the f's and the g's
the erections of his t's and the rolls of the m's and the n's
the bobbing, popping heads of the d's p's and b's
He races to catch breath upon commas,
carefully not tripping on apostrophes,
the semi-colons and periods, gingerly laid down.
And the silent wink of the c's.
He takes pride in all of these
But in the white spaces he'd save for me
white spaces, where he hid his poetry.
Author notes
1. Poems that describe something completely ordinary in an extraordinary way. - Though I'm not quite sure how extraordinary this is to your standards, all.
But I enjoyed the write.
Cheers.
Written March 15th, 2005
A contest entry
- Iron Words, Strength by LostPriest.
300 points, ended April 18, 2005, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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I thought this was a great write. however i can't help reading a sexual sid into it. Sorry if its not what you intended.
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mixed
I agree but need
to see prose read
not stop to preen
or to be seen.
In there you have
a poem that had
courage to face front
to be artistically blunt.
A code so used
must transcend as amuse
if not it flops
detracts fizzling the pop.
on the spot composed
by AT Alishtari -
i like the mystery you reveal in the end. the character you write about, to me, seems very intriguing- the quiet, artsy, struggling writer type that won't let people read his genious because he's afraid of rejection. very nicely done. its a piece that i have to read a couple times through to catch the whole meaning. there's more meaning in what you didnt say about the writer because what you did say was said so well (if that made any sense at all) great write!
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very good
very good.really.amazing even.liked the l's n c's,clever.but the last few lines were incredible.the white spaces... -
This was a pretty good poem, but I don't see how it fits the categories. Very good job all around. I liked the idea behind it.
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Loves to write? If love for things was part of this contest, that would be fine.
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tee hee
Much more lighthearted to say the least. You're an original writer which is refreshing. As for this piece, excellent job on the double meanings, well that's how I read it. Nice work! 
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well done
Excellent poem well done i loved it the white space can hold hidden meanings just like a blank peice of paper though great poem -
Very different
Okay now I understand and yes you are correct in this write. So I understand the context of this poem it is very well done. -
I really enjoyed this poem. Although I must say I cannot help but take everything written in another sense... forgive me lol. Thanks for the great read. I'd like to see more in the future.
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wow...this took my breath away! the way you wrote this, the lovely words you used, and the way you managed to shape the whole thing like a quill in an ink bottle is just awesome! fantastic write, well done! I'll applaud it tomorrow, when I have some left, lol.
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neuro, that's exactly what I was thinking too. Some parts of this seem to be very innuendous (is that a word? I don't think so. I'll go look *finds dictionary* no, it's not, ah well). Was that intended? Anyway you get a clappy.
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I can't help but to think either the narrarator or the author has dick issues about their writing. But that's only one interpretation. Gentle slope. squeezing off letters. Killer.
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Fantastic
This was incredible! I love the topic, it's so original, and just wow. Amazing!
Siobhan -
this is nice... also perfectly symmetrical.
i liked the movements you attached to this... almost disturbingly tactile.
sorry this isn't a better comment. i should be sleeping.
ex oh. -
Excellent!
You've literally described the work of writing as a kind of huge process which involves so many simple yet detailed actions put together! I liked the following verses a lot,
"...But in the white spaces he'd save for me
white spaces, where he hid his poetry."
Beautiful flow of words. -
I know that sometimes writing can be a sexual experience for me but i just thought that i was strange
I loved this great job. I never know what to say about the pieces that are good.
[.]idiotic[.]soul[.] -
wow i really enjoyed reading this piece very very much!! ,,after reading this write i will definatly have to go check out more of your work,,please have a very good day and cya later!!
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Great
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Wow. This is justy lovely! I love the imagery, it felt very abstract. Very entertaining and unique!
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This is so funky! It's shaped like a quill in a bottle of ink! ...Either that or I'm a moron, and it's just words
Anywho, this is incredible! There are so many plays on words it's amazing the creativity level. One of my favourite writes of the day, I must admit. Great work, and keep it up
~Smidge~ 
...actually, this is gonna go on the top AP reads on my Author Page. Great work
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Unique
I liked this too and found nothing to criticise about it. The wording was done extremely well. -
The descriptions of writing are spot on. Lovely.
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Mm, I really enjoyed this poem. I like how you describe the shape of each letter when written in cursive. Very clever
Thanks for your comment on my poem pumpkin eater. Glad that you enjoyed it so much! And you aren't the first to be caught be it, after all I sang it to my mom and brother for several hours one day.
-Heather -
the idea for this was fantastic, and it's obvious you put extensive thought into getting this to take the reader for an unexpected and undeniably pleasant ride. however, i would change all the apostrophes following the individual letters as i do not believe that is correct punctuation.
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oh gosh, this is beautiful!! i LOVED it
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Diggin it.
You know, maybe I'm just really loaded, or retarded, but this reminds me of my kids. They will totally cover a page from a colorbook,just TRYIN to write (two and four) but then, there tucked in a corner, is that white space, that little trove where the scribbles become "just for you, Daddy." Great write, though, regardless of meaning.
he lays down the question marks without question,
the secrets and smiles hidden behind the exclamation points.
See? Excellent! -
Excellent work
I really liked the suggestive nature of this piece. Very erotic in a way. It's amazing how the jots of the quill can arouse you. You dotted all the 'i's' and crossed all the 't's'.
Well done.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
ps. Thanks for reading and commenting on my work. It's much appreciated.
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I like this, I like this a lot. I tried using letters and symbols and punctuation to establish a metaphor about poetry once, but mine came out obscure and a little over abstracted, I think. Here, your metaphor has its abstractions, but it is still concrete; ethereal but tangible. I especially like the line "carefully not tripping on apostrophes". Good job with this.
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Montreal Standing Ovation
I was just speaking of white spaces to another poet. Thank you for directing me to this and glad I wanted until I ended my other conversation, this puts everything we talked about into perspective.
Now my critique: Again WOW! Tell you the truth, I'm having a hard time choosing between the two, but I love this one. So erotic and exotic at the same time. I do have one favourite line that jumped out at me when I first read it and fell in love with:
he lays down the question marks without question,
but that does not diminish the rest of the other lines...the whole poem is exquisitely written and captivated me again to the end. The swirling of your pen just resonated off the page and thank you for sharing this with me.
Gregg
Edited on Mar 16, 2:48 because ''. -
so pretty! i especially like the end
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Wow, this is an amazing piece of writing - and, coincidentally, a metaphor I've been trying to write for a long while now but I have so far been utterly disappointed with all of my efforts. So, even though I am insanely jealous and hacked off now, I have to applaud it (no choice really) because it's so damn good
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Odd title, though the write is very interesting, a nice angle that you took and i like it. The poem tends to speak to the reader and gives a sense of calm to them, a nice read and well constructed along with a good flow. Keep penning, great show. Thanx, bye.
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Oh very fucking nice for sure.
The descriptions were very well done with an ending that brought it to close so perfectly. I love the descriptions of all the letters he draws, and the images this gave me.
My favorite lines were
But in the white spaces he'd save for me
white spaces, where he hid his poetry.
I was looking for somewhere to suggest something as I always like to have at least one thing on input but to me this didn't need to be changed
Very nice
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very nicely penned. original. interesting. the title is bit odd...but i like it...enjoyed the read. great job.
Blu -
this is very cool, i like the way it builds. starting with short lines and builds. it gives the poem a unique look and i think alot of people sometimes forget that a poem is also very visual as well as expression of emotion.
it is a fine job of writing. escellent format and execution of words.
and here you were worried.
you will be just fine.
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I like the structure to this poem its very interesting and the poem is well constructed!!! The end is also very gud and i love the rhythm...works very well!!!
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your poem is truly a master class in writing for all who care to read and digest it , i thought it was so good i had to just read it again once more , and on the second read i found it just got better and better thankyou for sharing your wonderful writing with us all , i will try and write somthing equally as good but i doubt i have half your talent .
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masterly written...at the beginning i began to picture old monks prior to the printing press age...recording, copying, writing... the "quill" set off the thought...liked the ending specially....
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I love this work!!!!! Very subtile, so perfectly done! I never thought this style would actually be put in place with such grace! Well done... I learn everyday!
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great word usage
This is such a terrific write. Very unusual form, but I enjoyed it very much. Very curious selection of words....enjoyed this very much. -
The white spaces are sometimes filled with thoughts before the space is used..wonderful idea for a poem here. With your choices it would be hard not to stumble through, while you gracefully dance across the white spaces.
Great
Peace
Muddy -
Very Imaginative!
Lovely play of words, even better metaphors. Great work, tough to think of, tougher to write, easy to remember for a long time. Good, very good! -
a terrific idea for a poem, you have crafted it so well and it is so unique that you earn my respect and applause, one point if I may?...in this line "steady and still" you have an extra space after "still".....just thought you would want to know...of course it may be intentional, if so I would have added .....
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This is very cleverly done, both the idea and the execution of it. It gives me vivid image of the amanuensis, in his shirt sleeves transcribing away. The deeper metaphorical meaning was thought provoking, and I loved the 'punchline' of the white spaces
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