why are people like fucking dogs
hurting people just for fun?
why are people like fucking hogs
don't care about people until their done?
but if you hurt the wrong people
you could wind up dead
some people will do what you did
people won't notice you until they see red.
you are a sick nasty fag
that should be shot and killed
or maybe I'll put a bag over your head
well i hope you got your fill.
once i hunt you down
I hope you plea for life
i hope you don't get found
oh well,i already cleaned my knife.
don't care what happens to me
as long as you are dead
you should have let him be
let him sleep in his own bed.
well i hope you got what you wanted
because you are gonna die
nobody will know what i did
i wanna see the tears in your eyes
you don't fuck with my family
whether I'm there or not
take your last look at the ceiling
and i hope you wrought.
Author notes
Written March 13th, 2005
edited on oct.2nd,2007
OPTION 7-revenge
option 2 for "this contest might get me in trouble"
emotion~overrated~underappreciated~overwhelming
A contest entry
- whatever you want by Anonymous Shadow.
600 points, ended October 1, 2007, 119 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Almost Anything Goes by bloodletter68.
300 points, ended March 13, 2008, 132 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - How did you start / Can you remember? Show me ! by tarcus.
600 points, ended January 17, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1668 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Write MadNess by Mango Memories.
400 points, ended July 26, 195 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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mmm angry but i do sugget you get rid of the word " fag " as it can be offensive for many people.
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The trouble i find with contests is that nobody wants to point out the one thing that spoils this piece.
(and i hope you wrought.)
Should it not be ROT.
I understand full well the anger you feel as my daughter was pregnant at 13 years old but the father was/is no longer capable of fathering again.
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Danm this is an intense piece and I loved the pure hatred and distain for the person, revenge is sweet lol and family is, well, family.
My favorite part...
don't care what happens to me
as long as you are dead
you should have let him be
let him sleep in his own bed.
well i hope you got what you wanted
because you are gonna die
nobody will know what i did
i wanna see the tears in your eyes
I really did LOVE the flow i got off these!
Thank you very much for entering my contest and GOOD LUCK
~Katie
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Nicely done. I must say if you mess with my family you better watch out. You summed up what I would do in that case. Thanks for entering into my contest and good luck.
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I saw your comment on the contest page for through the eyes of a murderer and was intrigued by you.. I am glad I found your page. You are a very powerful writer.. I hope to make my way through all your poems..
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This is so aggressive. I love it. The emotion is so thick. Thank you so much for entering my contest and good luck!!!
Megan -
damn you are pissed. I think your the only one, maybe there was one more, that went with this option. thank you cause this is what I really wanted to read. the flow got a little halty in some lines but it was great anyway. thanks for your entry and good luck.
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I appreciate your effort and thank you for taking time to enter the contest. This is a very intriguing poem, with many good elements, the rhyme is nice but feels a bit forced. The content seems to be overweighed, however, for lack of bearing to the contest. I do not see how it fits with regard to content in the contest requirement ‘tell me why’ but as I said in the notes to the contest, I am pretty subjective. This poem also has too many elements that have been used before and so originality got low marks as well. This has so many good things to say though, and if it were for another occasion, some other contest, perhaps it would to very well. High marks for rumination and emotional factor.
1) Content 1
2) Originality 1
3) Flow 3
4) Word choice (vocabulary and/or rhyme) 4
5) Imagery 2
6) Grammar 4
7) Form 7.5
8) Spelling 3
9) Emotional Impact 9.5
10) Rumination factor (how well does the poem make me ponder) 9.5
astralshepherd’s completely subjective total score = 44.5
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umm
before I reach a verdict on your poem. I want you to explain to me if this is about a gay person who the hate is against or is it about the gay person hating someone else or is it not against a person and this a poem about cigarettes you know "Fags" -
wow the anger and certain passion for wanting this person dead is very evident with you incredible use of syntax great job thanks on entering my very first contest and best of luck
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Very angry, vicious, viceral and very honest. Revenge is always a problem though, as you run the danger of lowering yourself to the level of the person whom you carry out your vengeful act. Vicious circle really.
Good write and congrats on silver.
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Well then...I don't quite know what to say. Very angry, emotionally charged poem. I'm glad you are able to write about this. I have written raging poems too, so I can relate. Yes, some ppl in this world are sick twisted fucks, who only care about what fulfulling their own agendas. Like my exhusband. But, I won't go into that. That would take a page or five. I think I'm gonna add you to my finalist list...bcuz you are just as angry with the sick muther-fuckers in this world as I am, and you write about it very well. Best of luck to you in the future sweetheart-Monica
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O.O
WOW......this is major, major heavy stuff. First off, i want to congratulate you on this RIGHTFULLY twisted write and SAY THAT I HOPE THAT SICK MOTHER FUCKER IS BRUTALLY BUTCHERED FOR THE PAIN HE PUT YOU GUYS THROUGH! I'm sorry you had to go through all that pain and mayhem, shit, i just hope things are going better for you......good luck in the contest
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I'm disqualifying you for using the word fag.
End of story. -
interesting i like that you looked at something through someone elses perspective and it was still the same emotional response as you would have had, it shows that you have a great deal of humanity and understandin
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mmmm..spicy
i absolutley love ur poem.very similiar to my style and attitude.good luck in the contest.
you are a sick nasty fag
that should be shot and killed
or maybe ill put a bag over your head
well i hope you got your fill.
thats my fav.part!
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wow. it seems like you let your anger go on the page. lots of emotion. i liked this piece. you did a nice job with it. thank you for entering and good luck.
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I loved the fire and energy that came with your poem It's very angry just the type of poetry I liked to read. Great Write!
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ok wow. a lot of anger in that...and i can see why. great write. i loved it.
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I'm really sorry to hear about your Uncle, I felt your anger in this piece, I'm glad you could murder the sick baster in writing,(Isn't poetry Great)I think it could have flowed more but you wrote from your heart so much respect, God Bless
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I agree with Vampira1665 a lot of people are like dogs chewing up life like it's a bone just burie the rest alone - While a select few people stand alone trying to clean up the mess that our society leaves behind a great write of anger ..
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Ouch, that was awesome. Humans can be sick disturbed piles of shit. But there are some that are wonderful as well. You did a great job with your anger here.
Hugs and bites, Lady Raven -
amazing wite. i'm so sorry you were disqualified. that person obviously has no idea what talent is. the emotions you displayed in this were very tangible and ...well, this is just plain amazing. you invoked beautiful imagry and i love this poem! great write and keep up the great work.
~Sammy -
i'm not sure if i like it, but you did a great job at expressing your emotions.rock on!
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This is very good over all. You have a lot of gramatical errors however, and a few miss spelled words. A great vent of fustrations just the same, and beautifully emotional. Again though, try to fix your grammar and spelling...it would also probably be a little better if you used the full wor instead of "bout" and "cuz". Sorry, it just bugs me, and I'm obssesive. I hope things work out for you uncle and your family.
-Emily -
what a terrible ordeal you've had to endure. i hope your uncle is alright and heals quickly! =
= there are some rotten people in this world, and sometimes our emotions get ahold of us. don't throw caution to the wind just for revenge though, so i hope that this poem has helped you express some of your frustrations 
i wish you and your family and most importantly your uncle lots of faith, patience, support, and love through your tough times. good luck with everything. what a touching, emotional work you have shared with us. thank you VERY much 
two spelling issues
"take your last look at the ceiling and i hope you rought." <-- rot
unless you meant wrought...which has a different meaning...
and then juss to just...unless you were going for like, a slangish term
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Very Lovely!
WOW.. I don't know what to say it's so touching very deep poem thank you for sharing it with us!
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This is awesome!!Love it!
Erica
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great
I like it. I'd feel the same way if someone messed with my family. -
DISQUALIFIED!
sorry to have to disqualify you but i did specifficaly ask for no swearing and murder and this is all swearing and murder.bye.
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GREAT WRITE REALLY LIKE IT!!!KEEP IT UP!!!
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WOW, this is awesome. I really agree with about everything you said, you did a wonderful job on this poem. it really shows your feelings!!!! Keep it up
Novalee -
it touched me
very good i lost my best friend in december so i no how u feel buh byez ps. keep up the good work
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