Ruffling through ancient thoughts
of people and fears and dreams
that once before you did adore;
now cast in stone it seems.
The painful aches of old mistakes
and lonely nights of strife;
tattoo our fears. Misery here-
adorn the thoughts of life.
Relieve the weight of new decay.
Bestow the lonesome smirk
that infuse the thoughts of yesterday
before you go berserk.
Yes, in our minds much loss we gain
through toils and tears and fears.
Yes, stop our hearts to spite our minds
in case it disappears.
Refuse the thoughts of sweet revenge
which offers little gain
that echoes through our senseless limbs
and drives us quite insane.
Now take your chance; don’t take your time
for soon the drug wears thin.
So strike them down right where they lay
among their ruthless kin.
Author notes
um, yeah, don't really know what to say about this peice. its a ballad... and um, yeah hope you enjoyed
please tell me what you honestly think. and thanks to RJ for helping me keep the meter the same and tweak it to be better
i appreciate it
Written March 8th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
-
This is another impressive write for someone your age! Very nice control and meter, the tone was exceeding well mastered and the tempo brisk, maybe a hair too fast, but better too brisk than lethargic. There is a little chop in the last two stanzas, but I think you might have had just the slightest doubt about where you were going when you got there.
Again you are a pleasure to read.
Peace,
~RJ~

