your breath
is close
i can feel it
tantalizing me
in the
intimate hours
of the morning
i taste
your delicate
soft hued skin
with my thirsty
fingertips
a sigh
escapes my depths
betraying
my uninvited desires
and hopes
i try to overlook
through the many
layers of fabric
i feel your heat
Du bist meine Versuchung
Author notes
Du bist meine Versuchung - [German] you are my temptation.
In this I'm deviating a bit from the minimalist style I have been using lately. This is just a collection of thoughts on some of the past events and just feelings...
I'd love any comments, be that something on the technical aspect of the piece, or just your thoughts and feelings.
Written March 8th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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oh yeah, the poem that i wrote (if you want to check it out) is-
http://allpoetry.com/Poem/1129831
the title amuses me... take care, and best of wishes!!
~tyler
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YES!! another poem with a weird form and german at the end!! (i wrote on like this just a little while ago) only, i'm not very well versed in german- does it mean "you are what i've been looking for" or something to that effect? (i'm only in high school, cut me some slack...) anyways, awesome job on this! it flowed so nicely! tut mir Leid weil mein deutsch so schlecht ist. vielleicht wurde ich besser sein... oder nicht- macht nichts. bis bald!!
~tyler
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sort of like an unrequited love.it is a smooth write and the flow is smooth.i like this on you.it showcases you in a different light that looks just as good.your talent is vast so i'm not surprised.
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excellent!
Very well said!
Sometimes the friendship before the relationship can be more interesting than the actual relationship.
I hope all does go well for you. -
Very good
a lovely poem
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wow this was great
something different from others
the style is amazing n unique
short simple
but kinda gives a effect
keep going!!!!!! -
i have written like this in the past. the layout tends to show the mind state at the time of poem was written. tending to be confused and scattered. no formality. so it is personal on so many diferent levels. i liked it alot. well done and keep up the work.
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A climax that is missing singifies the lack of any sort of climax to the story - I am still working on having any continuation to the story at all. Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it greatly.
~Anastasia -
hm at first it seemed like you were talking about a phantom...I like the way you slowly teased the reader with the poem. The background is perfect for this type of poem, and so is the set up. There seems to be something missing- maybe a climax to the piece before you wind it down...not really sure. But I love the idea of this poem...and that you wrote it.
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i taste your delicate soft hued skin with my thirsty fingertips
such beautiful imagery. You have a lovely use of metaphors and upon reading this I got a sense of joy and wonder. Oh, how wonderful love can be early in the morning before the sun has fully risen and you wake up just enought to cuddle and doze off again. Wonderful piece! -
Pretty good, I get it. It is quite different but...Tis good! ~Chey~
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its really good..i love the spacing and the way you formatted everything..youre an awesome poet, i cant wait to read more stuff by you
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8/10
This was very nice. I really enjoyed reading it. It makes me long for someone even the more! Oh yes, I do remember those days when I felt this way. *sigh* Keep the good writing flowing! -
Not in a relationship. More like a series of events that could potentially lead to a relationship, but they don't. The desires stay secret and overpowering.
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good...i especially liked your formatting.
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Nice! I like the form of the poem, it was awsome!!I loved how the speaker seemed to be in the poem, fighting the general desire... good job!
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Good job
Pretty good, I like the layout -
a very sensual piece-nice and warm. But confusing because it sounds like the speaker is with the person in a love relationship but fighting back the deire?
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Lovely
Instantly I was taken back to the first time I was in love and lust. I want more! -
Wow this is really awesome. I can totally relate with what you're saying, and you've said it so well. I especially like:
a sigh
escapes my depths
betraying
my uninvited desires
and hopes
i try to overlook -
this was different ... but it was good ... i as a newlywed love the way it described the longing for another person keep writing
Babie -
I like this, very sensual and tempting... the layout/formatting is well done and adds to the piece.
Nicely done, enjoyed it,
~ Wendy -
I really like it!!
Delicious, I can totally feel everything. It makes me feel like listening to a little Police, or at least staying in bed a bit longer. Lovely style! -
awesome
heh so nice
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