The beautiful sound of life gone scarce,
a beckoning to rebuild.
A silence louder than the exploding bomb.
Voices tend to cease.
While laughter fills the halls.
Author notes
Written March 8th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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Okay, I get it. One of those periods shouldn't have been a period, oops. Thanks.
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it cuts because of the punctuation and the shortened thoughts. like when I read this, I stop at each period which creates a kind of cut in the flow. but all of this is just my opinion so keep that in mind.
and the fragmented ideas is the same thing. like you kind of jump through the sentences. yet again, my opinion only.
Edited on Mar 09, 11:32 because ''. -
How exactly does it cut into the flow of the poem, let me know so I can try and fix it, thanks. Also, what do you mean by fragmented ideas?
Edited on Mar 09, 10:45 because 'addendum'. -
this is very interesting. I like the way you set up the scenario with the fragmented ideas so that the reader had to connect it. but on the other hand the fragments really cut into the flow of the poem and that kind of bothered me. all in all though, this isn't bad. keep writing.
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