I stood in the temple of the gods,
My heart soared on the Horus wing,
And in the whispering winds that blew
I could hear libation's spring.
The shadows danced on ancient walls,
I closed my eyes, and voyaged in time,
And on the breeze that sifts the sands,
I thought I heard the words divine.
Great columns rose in lotus form,
I walked upon the silent stone,
And felt the strangest feelings stir,
'Twas if I were returning home.
I traced my hands upon the words
Written there so long ago,
Then from the shadows the cobra rose
And wove her head both to and fro.
I heard the sistrum in the halls
Where sem priests walked robed in white,
And raised my eyes to Re's great disk
That seemed to burn with mystic light.
Egypt where the gods still sigh;
With heavy heart I say goodbye.
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A contest entry
- From Here to There by Nick B.
450 points, ended February 6, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Favorite Vacation by PianoMan.
900 points, ended August 23, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Sense of Place by Nicada.
700 points, ended December 18, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Cities. Countries. Travel. Exploration. by Emmyb.
550 points, ended February 19, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 62 of 62
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great entry!
Lovely desciptions, a good entry to this competition. Youve used a theme of words such as Gods, Divine, mystic, ancient, voyaged - its a great pattern and flow. well done. emma.
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This has a lovely flow and is very atmospheric. well done
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Wow! Some amazingly vivid imagery shared of beautiful Egypt and its wonders. Congratulations on your well deserved trophies. Thanks so much for entering. Blessings, Patty
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This is a amazing visual, I see that others think so as well. I have a huge intrigue with Egypt. The gods do sigh there it is where all gods begin. Well said.
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This is an awesome piece. Thank's for letting me visit with you! Congratulations on winning the gold. You deserved it.
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This is very well done. I would like to visit Egypt someday and see the pyramids and temples and Sphinx. Great job! Thanks for entering my contest!
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Excellent
Great write--well versed & structured--Great presentation--Congratulations on the contest!!!
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great imagery and rhyme scheme, i really like this, excellent
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Hi, thanks a million, hugs Di
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I love the last line. It's a perfect ending. Good luck in the contest.
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Hi Zayra thanks a million, hugs Di
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Wow! Well I have also really been there to every sacred site in Egypt, so this poem captures it all! Great imagery and presentation. I look forward to more of your work.
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Solid and exquisite in imagery and again I feel the spiritual essence of the piece, the love of was is written about. Exceptional piece! Gypsy
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This seems so cliche what I will say , but the only word that comes to mind id "simply beautiful" I wish you the very best in this contest,
xoxoxo
Reenie
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That is a very beautiful write and it really seemed to capture what I would be feeling if I were to be in Ancient Egypt.
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And a grand adventure it is! Wonderful. Congratulations on the gold.
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Well done you captured the experience and transported it here for all to enjoy with eloquence and you so deserve the barrage of praise
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Di, this was Fantastic! I stood in the pyrimid with you and felt the hyraglifics etched in the stone beneath the palm of my hand. This is a place I do plan on going to in the near future. Thank you for joining us and giving me the tour!
Good luck
Sandi
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As a lover of egypt and reincarnated Cleopatra( I hope) I can relate and adore this.
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Wonderful!
This was full of charm and grace. Caught my eye because I like the culture so much. Every stanza brought a new delight. Thanks so much for writing this! -
Hi, thanks a million my friend, hugs Di
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Simply thought-provoking and beautiful.
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Hi,
Enoyed this piece.
Stanzas 1,2,3, 4 and 5 are especially strong. 6 still feels a bit forced with the so blue.
Mary -
beautiful
Wow I wish I could say I am speechless but then I would have problems commenting. This is so beautiful. I enjoyed every word of it, it has flow and emotion. Keep up the great work.
crysolia -
OMG, I loved it. I study egytpology and love everything Ancient Egypt. I also just started learning Egyptian Paganism. I have been studying for some time and when doing rituals I always choose the Egyptian Gods/desses. This was just awesome, I hope you win the contest.
Hugs and bites, Lady Raven -
Hi Jackie, thanks a million, hugs ,Di
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Fantastic poem .Just loved it
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Hi tishang, where are you from ? just done edit, can you take a look,? hugs Di
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You have a very good point there, funny when we are on top of our poems,we turn around and round again and never see the obvious, good on you, I will change it this week end, if I do not give me a kick in the rear to remind me, this is constructive critique, thanks my friend, thanks a million, hugs , Di
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Nicely done...
Well crafted, beautifully written. Good strong imagery. Most of these things have already been said so I'll just second (or 3rd, 4th, 5th...) them. On the constructive crit side, I don't think "so blue" draws undue attention to itself. the one place I stumbled over myself a bit was 'both each,", where you had to make the meter work but settled for a redundancy in doing it. Small thing, but everything else works so well, I just thought I would draw some attention to that one. Might something like "I long for you each day and night" be a stronger choice?
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Hi thanks a million but it would throw out the meter to remove the word ,so, for this reason it has to stay,lol,hugs Di
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Wow. I felt like I was really there. Very nice imagery, very vivid and very effective. I don't think I've ever really considered Egypt a place I'd like to travel to someday, but your words...*shakes head*...maybe its your poem or maybe its the strange but uplifting classical music playing in the background at the moment, maybe its both, but I really really feel like I need to go there now. You've made it my 'home' too. Excellent work. One suggestion: you rhymed quite nicely throughout and I only really felt you stumble with it in the last stanza. Your last line was kinda shaky and a little forced. I think if you even do something as little as remove "so" from before "blue" in the last line it could help. Anyway, just my two cents on that.
Again, this is an absolutely wonderful piece. I really enjoyed reading it a LOT. In case you couldn't already tell.
Keep up the great work! Write on and God bless. Keep it real, Sim.
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WOW!! Simply Beautiful!! I was sooo there!! God Bless!
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Hi Ic, thanks a million, hugs
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wow
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Magnificent... beautifully crafted woven in the light of a memory so well tasted you took me to place I have always wanted to know and see... and so eloquently..." I heard the sistrum ring in the halls
Where sem priests walked in sandals white,
And raised my eyes to Re's great disk
That seemed to burn with mystic light." Brava!! This is a winner ... take me again to another wonderous place ... Wishing you much success in all that you do
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This was awesome.... It made me feel as if I was there feeling those feelings. Definately cool. Anyways great write.
~V~ -
I wonder why so many of us fell a kinship and a connection to Egypt? I've never been there,but feel drawn to it.This piece tells me you have a respect for the ancient ones.They have a great wealth of knowledge to bestow on modern society. Suseeann
Edited on Mar 09, 5:16 p.m. because 'spelling correction done'. -
Aaah you make me feel good,need it right now, thanks a million my friend, big hug, Di
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Di~ Can I take history and mythology all over again with you as my teacher??? I always liked them BUT DAMN! you just make the whole experience seem real and tangible!!! I'm going to have to study up on other ways of telling you how wonderful and gifted you are... maybe another language will do... I'm running out of ways and feel that I'm becoming redundant...
Amazing! Good luck although you don't need it...
~Diane -
Dayummmm...freakin awesome!
Freakin fantastic, your words took me where you were--AWESOME write!
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla. *APPLAUSE* -
Dear Di...an amazing piece here. The imagery is astonishing. I could see you tracing your hands upon the words and walking in the temples. You did an outstanding job. I wonder if you lived in Egypt in a past life??
Excellent -
It is nice to stand in a place that calls from ancient times. The beauty that stands through time and still calls to us is an amazing feeling. I too have been to Egypt and felt the beauty that you can discribe so well Great work on the poem...
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beautiful..simply beautiful...
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The visions you created in my mind with this poem are incredible. Although I have never been to the pyramids, I felt as though I was transported in time right to the place you speak of. I know someone who has been there and what you describe in this poem is exactly how they felt when they were there. I would love to go there someday to see for myself.
Your poem has a mystical feel about it and they rhyme is very good. You truly painted a beautiful picture of an ancient and very exotic land.
Good luck in the contest with this poem
Sapphire
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Awesome
This is awesome. Egypt is awesome and it fasinates me so the title caught me attention. I really like this write, and it has a great imagery written in it. Great write!
-Kyla- -
Hi Louis, thanks a million, I love Egypt so it inspires me, hugs Di
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Wonderful
hey this is very wonderful.....
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Hi Forgotten dream thanks a million, hugs, Di
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this is an amazing piece. excellent descriptive, alive word choices and exquisite imagery. i really loved this. i have always been interested in going to egypt (i'm fascinated by ancient egypt) and so this really caught my attention and interest. you have breathed life into these words, and made me feel that i could actually be standing thousands of miles away from where i am. fantastic job. keep up the marvelous work - you are a talented writer. thank you so much for entering and best of luck in the contest <3
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this is really pretty and it has great images too
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Hi , thanks a million, you had a good point on the im, yes that was me goofing, lots of love Di
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crystaldust 08-03-05 20:40
Hallo Di. my love, and good to see you're back in Egypt again. You should scoop everything going with this one, it's of your very best. (Have a look at an IM I have a query,better there than here) Your sense of reality, past or present, is so strong that I can see you touching, almost caressing, those columns and there is such a sense of peace. Great poem, Di. You should win this contest hands down. MLJ -
Hi Craig thanks a million,
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Hi LilMissMuffet, thanks a million, hugs Di
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I had to read this when I saw the title in the featured poems. My family is from Egypt, and I've been there a few times myself to visit relatives. The first time I went to the pyramids, I felt some of the feelings that you describe in this piece. I remember walking into the pyramid of Cheops and feeling like I had traveled back in time. It is an awe-inspiring experience, and I long to go back again...thank you for writing this piece.
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wow i thought i'd cornered the market on time travelling poetry (see Jack , The Buccanneer , ) but i was wrong jeez this magnificent writing , the sand got in my eyes , thank you !
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Hi thanks a million. hugs Di
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wowwwwwwww,thanks a lot,I'm egyptian n I'm really proud of yr words about my country and u r welcome anytime Egypt is always opening its arms
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excellent
Beautiful words . You capture the element within Egypt with your words,,,,Again a passing in time....Captured in an emotion of the "NOW" .well written and thank you for sharing. -
Hi Beth thanks A million my friend, hugs Di
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WOW... This is another vivid, AWESOME poem... Great job on this one and good luck in the contest it is in!!!
Hugs,
Beth
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