Love leaves a special mark and blight,
Like despair burns within the young --
Who wish to leap from ground to height,
Not climb the ladder, rung by rung.
The anguish that can tear your heart
Seems endless to a desperate child.
Like dying beasts, caged only days,
Despair says "This will last...always."
Unrequited, love drives them wild,
Should fortune shear these lives apart.
The difference: when emotions' haze
Ensnares them in a wretched maze --
Grows solid -- feelings deep-congeal --
Time kills the beast -- the youth will heal.
Author notes
I have written several versions of this one, over several years, but this is, I believe, my final version.
It's one of a few that I haven't had published somewhere. Why? I have no idea.
Written March 7th, 2005
A contest entry
- Have you ever... by Age of Rain.
1300 points, ended July 31, 2008, 57 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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You see...if ALL rhyming pieces had even a tenth of your command of lanugage, your easy flow and wonderful metaphors, I might actually like the blasted form!
But thankfully, pieces like this do sing to me new and renewed hope.
Beautiful stuff.
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Ummm NICE! *loves this*
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It was very nice to see the little instant message saying you entered my contest, We’ve have had previous encounters and even if you don’t recall, let it be a reassurance that you still lay on my mind. This surely spoke to my imagination and I liked it very much and thought it was never as true as you said it.
Rivage
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Very old fashioned and I mean that as a sincere compliment. When I am antsy, which can be often, I pull out the the Old Ones. There is a quiet wonder and a "knowing" that I sense when reading them - and I sense it here. Just like a learning experience - like life is.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to just sit and be a Poet. Not be caught up in the money - the pace the "gotta haves" and "gotta be's" anyway....
Thank you for your comment on my poem. I appreciate the read. Liked this. And yes, the title just rocks.
Lisa
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Thanks. I know a lot about hurt as it affects childhood and adolescence, having lived through enough to have killed many people.
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Oh So True
"And Jesus was a sailor
When he walked upon the water
And he spent a long time watching
From his lonely wooden tower
And when he knew for certain
Only drowning men could see him
He said "All men will be sailors then
Until the sea shall free them"
But he himself was broken
Long before the sky would open
Forsaken, almost human
He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone"
I liked your poem dude.
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beautiful
this was very good.
only thing that bothered me is that you changed the rhyme pattern after the first 4 lines i think...i have a problem with rhyming all the time (with other people not mine cuz i cant do it) so whatever.
Very good work. in a way i found it graceful. -
True talent
If what you said,that time heals were true.Some will not heal. Still,this is a touching write.Beautiful use of words.Structured very well.Has a lot of heart felt emotion
Suseann -
I imagine polsh means polish? If so, polish it more how? I can't see anything that is in desperate need of revision.
Jim Dunlap -
How wonderfully written, you my dear, are wise indeed to know that the young will heal. Hurt is hurt at any age but youth is still learning what is real and important. By the time they figure that out the reason they were upset has escaped their minds. I applaude your talent.
~~~POO~~~ -
perhaps you want to polsh it more... i enjoyed the different emotions expressed in it... good job.
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This has a classical feel to it, and a ring of good old fashioned wisdom...I picture going into an antique shop and picking up a volume that had been cherished by someone for many decades and this poem is bookmarked with a picture of a first young love. Terrific job. Peace, moon
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and I must hasten to add the wonderful sense of the title... the crowning piece of perfection.
wisdom with the soft touch of a pussywillow toe smoothed across the brow -
A solid bit of wisdom here. While rolling in the luxury of your words, I wondered if this isn't more true of interupted love than unrequited love.
For some unspecified reason, I kept wanting THE ladder rather than A ladder. I'm not sure why but with every reading I became more sure of that - almost as if it made the ascending more personal.
Just some thoughts.
Most enjoyable in the reflections.
Jane
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I did change "a ladder" ...
to "the ladder", since it seemed to make sense.
Thanks for the heads up.
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