Collecting Rain’s Tears
The rain fell silently from slate gray skies,
Carrying wishes to be forgotten
On droplets tracing paths on my pale
Tired face. Each raindrop holding a tear,
Longing to be lost in the fading light.
Reaching for the ground,
Swept away by
You.
I stood naked, rain remembering you.
My body bent under the shroud of skies,
Back arched and afraid of the sutured light.
Imprisoned by your thoughts, once forgotten.
My mouth open to each drop, rain or tears,
Collecting on my lips,
Tasted,
Empty,
Pale.
Opening empty eyes, ever soft and pale
I let the blackness of my sight and you
Swim in the Sargasso of rain and tears
Holding the one reflection of your skies.
YOUR skies, not my skies. They are forgotten
Drowned in the sinking
Of my dreams
And light.
I reached out my arms, breaking misted light,
Cutting through a cloudy stone, weak and pale.
Sweat mixed, a Diaspora forgotten
By the scattering cells of me and you.
Touching painted pain, running across skies
Trapping my brush strokes, washed and
muted by tears.
I asked the rain to cleanse me of the tears
That weighted the darkness, and hid the light.
Water to wash a sadness, from the skies
That drifted across the horizons. My
Truth! I asked for a flood to carry you
Away. A river to be F o r g o t t e n.
I spun my arms, a Dervish forgotten
In spiral trance and spiritual tears.
Leaving my tired body, shedding you
Spinning,
Splashing,
Uncontrolled birth of light,
Lit from within, fed by belief in my
Destiny. Cleanse me, in rain
Falling
From
The
Skies.
Naked under skies, I was forgotten
Skin renewed with my hopes and drying tears
I am cleansed of you in the coming
light.
Author notes
This is a sestina I have been playing with. It is a little abstract, but I like it. feel free to critique to your heart's desire.
Written March 7th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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I love the symbolism. This is very good and I can tell that you put allot of emotion into this! Great write!
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A wonderfully articulated piece, it said so much and each stanza had yet another beautiful image. I especially liked this:
Carrying wishes to be forgotten
On droplets tracing paths on my pale
Tired face.
Its such a nice thought to think that along with the tears leaving our eyes the pain may be taken away as well and in some ways it does. -
This is a sad yet releasing poem. The stanza;
I spun my arms, a Dervish forgotten
In spiral trance and spiritual tears.
Leaving my tired body, shedding you
Spinning,
Splashing,
Uncontrolled birth of light,
Lit from within, fed by belief in my
Destiny. Cleanse me, in rain
Falling
From
The
Skies.
Could stand alone and convey the message, but the others were added blossoms to the rose bush of emotion. -
great!
wow so much imagry! it was like i could see what was going on in your mind..well except for the naked part, dont know what ya look like heh. anyways BRAVO good job! -
This is a very good poem,you did an amazing write,I like the form that you put it in,great write...luvmybabys...
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I dont know how to describe your writing. It was so remarkable, too good for words. Very good job.
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wow this poem was insanely awesome. you write extremely well, i wish i could write that well without hurting my brain. it painted a dim and gray but very clear picture in my head if you know what i mean. it kind of reminded me of a depression commericial like thing...i don't know why just did, or like it should be part of a movie. anyways it was beautiful and i am sooo glad that you wrote it, very VERY well done. keep writing.
♥ ellie ♥ -
wow this was awsome i couldnt have written it better myself BRAVO
~luv
Tabatha -
This piece was really well written. Not only was it a good poem, but the style and the flow and the shape of your words as very well done. Great write!
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Thank You Very much. I appreciate your comments, time, and heart-felt words.
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Razor what a gracious precious gift you have....gee I felt absorbed right in to the grey....swirled in the mix ...and caught on the light...how do you do it hmmmm even the background pictures so visually express your thoughts as well ..you know that light kinda looks like a heart!
I "hear" your breathing in the light ..near and dear always
GOD
's YOU ... Sherra
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This is very deep razor! And a pleasure to read your dark side. I love your format and the imagery breathtaking!! "Collecting Rain" just those two words for me are so deep and yet, so beautiful!!
Bravo my friend!
TD -
Thank you for your kind words. I apprecaite your time and thoughts.
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Stunning
Great use of abstraction...I also liked your formatting, it echoes the falling raindrops...As for your picture, it's beautiful. I wish i'd seen it before, because I did a powerpoint with pictures of society and soft piano music...it was designed to make people think.
Your writing has a cohesiveness that is very rare to read...it reminds me of the power language can have- words that can convey multiple meanings, layer upon layer of ideas, visuals, sounds, thoughts, echoes...keep on writing!!!!!!!!!!!! -
The melancholy rain...Oh it hails such calm sea's. I found the style of this piece, interesting it has wonderful rhythm. I think your writing has matured from a glass goblet of water to a fine wine in crystal. I love it!!!
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Thought I would let you know out of fairness, Thunder Rose did not read all the poems, I am a gold member with a list at the bottom of my page and her name was not there, the contest was judged unfairly, not looking to win only fairness, thought I would let you know. Even if she had looked it would have shown. Ann
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The poem is quiet, yet there is beautiful action going on here.
Especially the spinning....
Serene is right.. there is a tone in all your work that is very calming.. and I love that. -
The style of this writing is so poise, and even with the way hope slants to the weight of loss of that which was significance in every essence, it's beautifully written, and yet how doth one overcome? time heals, and one may come out to the clearing with understanding, and how the light will shine...I like your style of writing, brings a sort of a calmness within yet intrigues one, and with that I just have to say that I love rain, it bears a great significance within, thereto...solely enjoyed reading your work.
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