I'm finally realizing
that you won't be coming back
I've been broken down enough
that I'm down to facing facts
Did you think you were saving my feelings
by telling me what I wanted to be true?
What you say doesn't matter one bit
if you don't follow through
You didn't even say goodbye
No--you never did let me know
And I don't know, still
So it's that much harder to let you go
I've been crying myself to sleep
Since you've gone away
Because I remember every little thing about you
Like it was yesterday
And it's no easier trying to get over you
Even though I know you don't care
Because I can't get you off of mind--
I see you everywhere
You don't care about me at all
Maybe someday I'll know why
Maybe someday your heart will ache
And you'll know what it is to cry
Author notes
Written March 7th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Lost Love or Friendship by piccola.
450 points, ended August 21, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I remember every little thing about you
Like it was yesterday ... maybe cliche' but I love it anyway. So many times we remember a love we've had long after it is gone...kind of like recalling the scent of a rose. Thank you for entering. -
Awesome job once again I might say... the emotion in this poem is huge, so sad, am really sorry for what you're going through! Such a great piece! I especially like the last bit..
"Maybe someday your heart will ache
And you'll know what it is to cry"
Excellent!!
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Great job AGAIN!!!! I can really feel the emotion coming through in this piece! Very well written!
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Awesome poem.. i really feel what the person is goin through in this poem.. liked it from start to finish!
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EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love this poem!!!!!!!!! It is very good and i love the emotion in it!!!!!!!!!!!! You are one of my fav. poets!!!!!!
Keep it up!!!!!!!!!! -
A+
I love it, especially the ending. I know the feeling with a slight twist to it. You wrote this sad poem and released some of the emotion and the pain. I wish you well. The poem flowed and the wording actually made the reader feel your emotion and your pain. This was an excellent write. -
very sad. but you did a good job with writing this. was worth the read.
BLu -
NO tear can measure the pain he makes me fee
WOW.....That was so good I liked it alot I know exactly how you feel. It's great how every thing goes together instead of some really bad attemt at rhyming you really pulled it off and I applaud you for that. Your writting is really good and you need to keep at it. GREAT JOB -
"What you say doesn't matter one bit
if you don't follow through"......... Exactly
There is an old saying that goes...
"What you are speaks so loud I can't hear what you say"
If it comes down to actions vs words...I will go with their
actions every time.
Keep penning...
Eddy
Tech side:
The form could use a bit of tweaking here and there
to even the flow and help with a steady rhythm but
the message is loud and clear. At least to me.
Just think in term of line length. All lines in rhymne
should be approximentally the same length. One thing
I use to help in flow is to sing it to a beat. This will
show exactly where there is slight dips or rises. When
a word should be changed or maybe eliminated all together.
Take here for a good example.
"I've been crying myself to sleep
Since you've gone away
Because I remember every little thing about you
Like it was yesterday"
"I cry myself to sleep each night (8 syllables)
Ever since you went away (7 syl)
All those memories between us (8 syl)
just like it was yesterday" (7 syl)
I understand that we usually can't do that when we are
writing raw from the heart. But this is just for info
incase you save or plan to do a book later. There are only
a handful out of thousands I have not tweaked in some form
or another after the first draft form. So don't worry about
it right now. Just something for future reference...ok...
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just beautiful words , ive nothing to add .
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