House with no doors
each room has no view,
the roof caves in
no light shines through.
No floor to stand still
no love fills the air~
at times I can’t breathe…
no dreams live in there.
There’s no depth to grow
the walls have worn thin,
no space to reach out
we’ve lost where we’ve been.
I still wait for change
I’ve tried to be strong~
our paths have now turned
yet you still see no wrong.
You think you know me
but you don’t have a clue,
too late to turn back
so what do we do?
Can we still fix
a home filled with tears~
just tell me once more,
why we choose to be here?
Author notes
Written March 5th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- sacrifices by Carefuldelusion.
850 points, ended November 14, 2008, 21 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Just wow. this is one of 2 that i instantly fell in love with in this contest. I have nothing to say but... Wow... Thank you so much for sharing thi
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Thanks for silver!
It's a nice way to come back to AP...but more so thank you for all your efforts out there, please be safe
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very real and so raw in its emotions.like a wound that takes so much time to heal.beautiful writing ms mozaic.home sweet home the phrase will never be the same again after this.
sad and beautiful and truly moving. -
Wow, and I didn't even notice that this was a monosyllabic poem until I read Anulka's comment! I already thought it was amazing, but now I find it even more amazing. Thank you so much for entering my contest!
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WOW! And again, I say... WOW! Not only have you captured the form with an essence that leaves the reader spellbound, but you have written a phenomenal poem of reality in the realm of love, and living in a home that has been chisled away from the core. It is near impossible for a house to stand if the foundation is about to crumble. Pillars must hold the structure up. If those pillars are too far apart the building will tumble down. Very insightful! Your poem leaves much to think on. This is an exceptional poem. It is just what I was looking for.
Thank you so much for the time spent to enter my challenge.
Renee ♥ -
This is such a great monosyllabic poem for the contest!!!
Good luck, I hope you win!
Anulka -
Thanks Windworder for taking the time to read and share your thoughts...this is actually my second time attempting monosyllabic form which for me is rather interesting along with the forms I've learned about from this site Overall, AP is a great community and I'm just glad to have shared my voice!
Best in all you do as well,
Mozaic -
Thanks sylve for taking the time to share the similarities that parallel this piece...I think we all at one point or another have experienced something as traumatic as this where we loose focus of the journey and fall off track...it's a hard place to be and I hope you find your way back home~I will stop by sometime to take a look at your piece
Take care,
Mozaic -
Thanks rdcrab...for taking the time tp comment and share your thoughts...I do appreciate your time with this piece!
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Thanks Jeric...I'm glad you had a chance to stumble unto this page to share your thoughts in the matter~well appreciated!
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Hi -Saved-...thank you so much for reading this piece and thank you also for your encouraging voice that sees beyond what's on this page...it was a difficult piece to write, and yet I'm thankful when I come across poets as yourself who make the journey worthwhile
Take care always,
Mozaic -
Thank you LadyNightWolf for allowing me to be so candid!...yes I agree with you it was truly one of my most difficult pieces to write, given the parameters and what eventually evolved on screen...again I thank you for contributing your precious moments, and I hope to experience some of your works as well in the near future
All my best,
Mozaic -
Thanks HomeGrown!...I think you've hit it right on the head with your interpretation of this write...it was a very hard piece to write given the perameters and what eventually came out on the screen....again, thanks for taking part my thoughts
Best in all,
Mozaic -
Great job of capturing some rather intense emotions and keeping the flow with mono syllables. This should do very well in the contest. Good luck.
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I'm dealing with something almost exactly parellel to what you've written about. I miss my friendship so much but I've lost her acceptance and it is hard to love someone and have love from someone shown who doesn't accept you. I live with my friend as well and I don't know how we ar egoing to fix so many months of hurt on both sides. I also wrote a poem on it if you visit my section it'd be the newest. Great work.
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Great
THis is a good on. I do like poems that rythme or half rythme and have the whole rythm thing with them. That is one of the reasons i like this on. I has that kind of rythme i like to hear.
"the roof caves in
no light shines through."
Is really my favorite part for being read out-loud. Not only for the reason of sound but of the words and thier meaning.
Rdcrab -
Yes, empty voids known as relationships are but distant memories to me. Great job!
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Wow. This is a powerful, intense poem! It makes me shiver inside. *Shivers* It's so sad... Great poem, however. I do hope, though, that you rebuild this broken home. Look into the light that shines, maybe not so visibly, but it exists. You have to look close enough, and you'll see it shining. I think we all have felt like we're in a broken place... but you have to rebuild it... start a new chapter. Great poem. I love it... Keep writing, and I hope you learn to see more light.... Great job....Laters.
~Saved~ -
Beautiful
Oh wow. this has a way of speaking to me in ways i have found hard for some poets to do. I do say you have written an amazingly beautiful piece. Keep up the wonderful work. I do hope to see some more of your beautiful poetry up again. -
Beautifully Painful
It's like you've woken emotionally to find your relationship has become a black whole, slowly pulling the memories off into nothingness, leaving only the pain that accompanies such an all consuming nothing. I am pained, and lost, and truly glad to have something so lovely.
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