I hurt her,
I made her fall.
I must get rid of my guilt.
this is my last sigh.
Goodbye. ( bang )
She hates me,
she cannot trust me any more.
She plays with tiny trinkets.
She pulls a knife.
she says goodbye. ( stab )
Her mom walks in.
blood is everywhere.
Her picture is shattered against the wall.
She hears a loving lullaby
as she falls from the high-rise. ( splat )
He walks in,
sees the window open.
He had always wanted to make her cry.
She ended that possibility.
He will get revenge,
he reasons,
as the toaster falls into the bathtub. ( sizzle )
A rat nibbles.
His eyes gleam.
The phone rings.
The television is still on.
A dog barks. A cat meows.
A baby cries.
A knock at the door.
Pizza.
Author notes
.............No comment!
Written March 5th, 2005
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Comments
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Dynamicly challenging
Bravo… This is cleverly quite farcical; 'cause "how many chain reactions could possibly take place from one emotion blow-out (anyway)?" Perhaps it's like Oprah Winfrey's experiment whereby she wanted to see “what would happen if she paid the bridge-toil for the next 12-others behind her." And that ripple affect started an "Angel organization" and is still affecting others as the TV movie: "Play It Forward."
www.oprah.com/uyl/oan_landing.jhtml
Honestly, this is great! Not that I like, or condone, suicide; but it does indicate “with the pizza showing up at the door (hey) that life goes on!”
Although, I suggest that next time one might consider that permanent OUT, that they try (instead) praying this little prayer (for their hated foes):
“May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch...”
cheers… (He-he…)
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Whoa. Creepy or what! I really like this one. Different to some of the things I read and very poewerful. Fantastic!
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I really like this piece and i love the pictures that you used for it as well. the sound effects that you wrote in the piece paint a picture for the reader. That is what i believe makes a good poem. Poetry consists of 2 things: pictures and music. Through your words, they painted a picture in my mind. Wonderful job!
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I'm officially in love with this piece! I hope you will accept our engagement and soon enough we'll get married! Lol me and your suicide poem..sounds nice doesn't it? All kidding aside, a lot of people can really ruin a suicide piece since it tends to turn cliche..you brought hope back into this website since this piece is absolutely original! Everything was perfect so don't change a thing!
Yet another great write
-Lis
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Hey, i like this alot i usually like readin poems bout suicide and i liked how u wrote this, so many differant methods, good description. nice work
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An interesting read as always... lol, I thought it was going in a different direction. It seemed as if there was no one there for the last guy.. all the other people had someone to come find them, but he didn't.. a pizza man came and discovered him (my inference..). This almost seemed as if it were another working of humor, but I just didn't see it that way. Very nice job, and keep it up. Good luck in my contest and thank you for entering.
[Kayla] -
whoa... this was soo creepy lo its wicked... i luv the background... o god plz say this wasnt true lol cuzz thats some really freaky shit.
my 2 favorite stanzas were:
Her mom walks in.
blood is everywhere.
Her picture is shattered against the wall.
She hears a loving lullaby
as she falls from the high-rise. ( splat )
He walks in,
sees the window open.
He had always wanted to make her cry.
She ended that possibility.
He will get revenge
he reasons
as the toaster falls into the bathtub. ( sizzle )
those were really good stanzas but this was an amazing poem!
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Oh jeez. That was haunting... and so FUNNY. Which i think was a perfect way to go about right this. everyone knows how serious it is; the humour in this makes it stick in your mind and stick out more than any other suicide poem. You took a cliche and molded it into something new and extremely impressive. well done.
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Wow! This is such a testament to the effects of suicide and even life in general. I really did like this. You write very well.
~*Destiny*~ -
Here's my comment: This is very funny. So the rats get the pizza or does the pizza delivery person, knock himself off as well. There are a dozen or so other ways you might have mentioned. I always like suffocation and hanging.
Anyway, a pleasure to read. Were you embarrassed you can write humor? I know you were serious, but this has so much humor will anybody care?
Andy -
I think I commented on this already ..good luck
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'splat' LOL. I guess I have a warped sense of humor too, because this cracked me up. I love the idea of the pizza guy standing outside the door, and all these dead people inside
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It was different, I have not seen a poem like this before. I must say it was great though. I loved it, it reminded me of Stephen King for some reason. Anyway, great job. Keep on writing forever and always.
-Lefay -
Okay Wayne... I did not need these images in my head and whatever you were drinking, watching or reading at the time this interesting bit of inspiration seared your being... well we are going to put a stop to it! I must say, you certainly did an interesting job here. Good luck in the contest!
♥ Kimberly -
Excellent
That gave me chills! I love how you've brought one thing to lead to another...wonderful! And the noises that you brought in as well! It all added to the overall enjoyment of the poem! And the background and the picture were both wonderful! I would applaud you if I had any left!
Edited on Mar 05, 5:03 p.m. because ''. -
wow that's so sad! i hope that didnt' realy happen ...nice write though!
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Hmm, interesting poem. It is real, and these kinds of things happen every day. I know it did take a lot of effort to write it. I love it though. Great write, keep it up!
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WOW!!!! I really liked how strange it was, i also liked the humor whether it was intentional or not.
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i really enjoyed how this poem was written. it's like life goes on even if someone kills themself. i don't know why i like that message but i just do for some unaparant reason! haha this is really really cool and i liked reading it..keep up the great work!
-arrow -
i applaud you
oh boy wow this is a damn good poem man sheesh i feel envy for you now cause this is the best poem ive seen and read...whats ur secret
lolololol but nevertheless highly discriptive and theres little left to the imgination cause this poem makes you feel as if you're actually there witnessing it all
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A freah take on the usual suicide poetry I've found on here. Not a big fan of the subject matter, but you made it interesting none the less
Ruth -
Unusual, it had me in stiches, I am glad someone can write about suicide with a sense of humour, you did a good job on this and I found it a good laugh so I will give you my last applause of the night, well done,I liked it a lot
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wow, nice job.
interesting piece.
-neonlight- -
amazing
It felt like you are there...and that's a pretty cool way to write. Good job. Keep up.
<3ness Steph -
Clever
This was certainly different...I found it strangely humorous..(sorry thats my warped sense of humour Good luck in the contest
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i like the way the suicides are interconnected. and i like the way life goes on at the end, still with everything having an effect on the next. good job
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I don't know who"she"is or what the picute is of but I love it anyways.Sorry but I forgot to add that to my last comment.
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this is a wow poem.It's odd but I love the title of it and i like the poem..incase you care.Keep up the awesome work.ZODC
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wow umm omg i am at a lost for words all i can say is just WOW intense great imagedry good write. XOXO~katie~
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very powerful
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