My heart and soul were ravaged.
Damaged, I feared, beyond repair
So I left the warmth of my home
To find what was missing there.
The mind of a man is its own place,
As a wise poet once put it so well,
And in it, he can make a hell of heaven
Or he can make a heaven of hell.
I wandered, lonely and racked with pain,
Through the dark night of my soul,
Each step agonizing but necessary,
My eyes fixed firmly on the goal.
And every day, I dreamed of returning
to my love, whose heart was my church,
when all my demons were conquered
and I could finally end my search.
But more than that, I longed to be
The best man that I could be for her.
She deserved no less than everything
And I couldn't return till I was sure.
Some men must wander an uncaring world
Before they can return and appreciate home.
Some men must walk thousands of lonely miles
Before they can lose the desire to roam.
There is something insatiable in every man's soul;
Fitful dreams that torture and torment his sleep.
They're like hungry wolves prowling the wilderness
But to ever find peace, they must become sheep.
It took a very long time, too long,
For me to finally reach my goal.
I got lost in the maze of my psyche,
The endless labyrinth of my soul.
At last, feeling whole and victorious,
I returned to the home I loved so well
Only to find all the windows darkened.
The house was deserted. My spirit fell.
The paint had peeled, the garden was dead,
And dark, creeping vines covered the walls.
I opened the door, now dry and cracked,
And wandered through silent, empty halls.
My heart raced with the fear and dread
Of never seeing her sweet face again.
I didn't even know the moment I'd lost her.
How could it have happened? And when?
How could she doubt that I would return to her?
How could she leave me? Where did she go?
I had been away too long. I had lost my love
And the greatest friend I would ever know.
Though my heart was broken, I couldn't blame her.
The spirit can't bear being lonely too long.
I had imagined our love was indestructible.
It had always seemed so pure and so strong.
But I learned too late that's not how life works.
Unattended, the most glorious garden will fade.
And my cries echoed through the empty rooms
Of the once beautiful home that we'd made.
This old house will remain dark and empty
But in the front window, a candle will burn
In the hopes that she'll find her way back to me,
In the hopes that she'll someday return.
Author notes
Written March 5th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- You're a heartbreaker by flyingphoenix.
475 points, ended June 11, 2008, 70 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your break-up poems by trekkergirl.
400 points, ended January 5, 80 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
-
wow I can see how this one won a contest it is very nice. I do have to point out tho that I only wanted Left align poems. But this is really good. So thanks for sharing this and thanks for entering it into this contest.
-
omg, i actually cried whilst reading this. My husband has been telling me the exact things you've written here. It was like reading my story on screen.
I'm sorry your partner didn't wait, and i'm sorry it took you to long to realise what would happen.
A great story/poem. The flow and rhymes never falter throughout, and although long, you kept me hooked from beginning to end. I can't believe how close that was to my true story.
Thanks for sharing, I'm glad you managed to at least sort your head out, even if you didn't get the fairy tale ending. Maybe one day you will.
Thanks for entering and good luck.
Sunny
-
-
Hi Sunny,
Just thought I would let you know, this story does have a happy ending. She and I are married now. I wrote this and a few other sad poems when we were apart, some of which are posted here, hoping she would read them. She did. The house isn't empty anymore.
Thanks for your kind words. I wish great happiness to you and your husband.
Mark
-
-
But I learned too late that's not how life works.
Unattended, the most glorious garden will fade.
Paraphrase- "Reality bites."
I liked this one, even though it was mostly sad. Hopeful ending- that was good... positive- a good perspective to have.
I'm curious what inspired you to write this one. -
excellent
This is an amazing piece of work...sad and beautiful all in one. It flows with emotion...it really touched me. I plan on adding you to my favorites...I look forward in reading more of your work..
-
Mr. Rickerby,
Go back, now. Or you will be an old fool like me writing of a love that you can never have.
P~ -
Looking back, it's sure easier to see what should have been cherished, and we chalk one up for hindsight. Old adages, like "You never can go home again" come to mind, as well. But what this really makes me remember a story I read in a college lit class called "The Swimmer". It began innocently enough, but ended in insanity and great loss. The story stayed with me a long time, and your poem will also. I'm looking forward to reading more!
-
wow..what a beautiful write..one most read between the lines..
what I got was ..a man/woman can wonderer away from the home,the love of family, the place where they felt comfortable and belonged and miss that place only to go back and see it is no longer there..all dark and dead and over grown no getting it back..one leaves a candle .. like a prayer of hope..that one day all will return to be the same as it was..yet one knows it will never happen.. well am I close to reading between the lines..tell me if I'm right ..I guess a reader can take this is many ways..never the less this is a very good write..it leaves a message that don't take for granted the things you have and aimlessly wonder off and leave it cause you will want it back one day..but it wont be there when you return ..it will be to late.. -
i think im going to have to add you to my favorites list you are an amzing writter
-
Wow Great poem. Filled with such emotions. It flows beautifuly and I love the pic you used it really sets the poem off. Great write
-
That was beautiful
I'm somewhat lost for words. Nearer the end it reminded me of Great Expectations...when Pip went back to the house (the name escapes me, has been a long time since I last read it) Amazing write xxxx
-
That was truely amazing. You are an undeniably skilled writer, and I love this poem.
-
Hey illusions,
The poem comes first, then I scour the web for a photo that goes well with it. I was actually looking for a picture of a candle in a window at night for this, but I used this one because it seemed suitably gloomy to match the mood of this poem. lol
Thanks very much for the kind comments on this and my latest poem. I appreciate it.
Mark -
this is lovely. you use photos well - do you find ones that work with what you have written, or do you write from a photo? i think your imagery is beautiful. it's so hard to carry rhyme through a poem well, let alone a poem of this length...you do. again, this is lovely...
-
Awwwww.. I absolutely love this poem, It goes from sad, to a glimmer of hope.. then sad again, a brilliant emotion play, well cool!! I havent actually read a poem like that before, well done for being unique! ^_^ yet again, a brill poem, yay!
take care x
x
-
Hi Sylve,
I'm sorry to hear you've been through this, too. Thanks for reading it and for your kind comments.
Mark -
Hi Sam,
Your interpretation was perfect. I can always depend on you to read my work with the right spirit. Thank you.
Mark -
Sometimes one doesn't know how good they have it, until they just don't have it anymore. I know that is very cliche, but that's what this amazing piece of poetry reminds me a bit of. While we are out finding ourselves and deciding what makes us happy, we could be losing a part of us and all of our happiness. I don't know why I don't read you more often. You are an amazing writer. I adore your work, and never disappointed after visiting. This was gorgeous.
S♠m
-
What I love about your poetry, is that they are usually very long, but never do they lose my concentration. I don't know how to describe this....beautiful? But that's so much of an understatement. It's beyond beauty.
Bella -
story poems are,for me,one of the greatest ways for a story to be told.i applaud your skills as a very prolific storyteller.this,as is your way,keeps the reader held hostage in the midst of a story that promises to be as effective in the end as it is in the beginning.the flow is amazing because even with the length it nevers misses a beat.the moral more often that not holds a two-fold purpose.this says so much about the heart and soul of you.
-
Wow, I'm sorry, my words to you are simply words that probably won't ease the pain of heartache and loneliness that you have inside, I wish I had a guy that loved and cared for me the way that you truly do for her, I'm sorry you lost her and I hope and pray with everything that she returns to you
---Sara
-
This is a most amazing piece of art... I honestly believe one of the best poems I've read in a while. Beautiful work... thank you for sharing and always let the ink keep flowing. *Sonya*
-
Hearts,
Thanks very much for that beautiful verse and your thoughts on this. You're so right - "We all must search within and know ourselves before another can really know us."
Thanks again. I hope you are happy and well.
Mark -
I'm not going to say this poem was awesome because that phrase has been done to death. However you did pack a punch with your words. I could see the poem going out in hope and returning in disappointment so you wove the storyline well. I also thought your rhyming scheme was very tight and the poem flowed . Good luck in the contest.
-
its so beautiful i mean it is an increadible write very deep it makes you think and very powerful. it shows how hard long distance relationships are and how hard it is to make sure everything will stay the same. love is forever changing and you showed it with this poem. great imagedry XOXO~katie~
-
That was just an absolutely stunning piece of work. Every stanza was perfect and it was incredibly easy to follow the story, usually what I find to be the problem with longer poems. I really like you're comparing wanderlust to hungry wolves. I also, unfortunately, have learned myself as well that love does not last too long unnattended and it is a bitter thing to face. I'm sorry you've felt the same.
-
grand
beautiful and powerful work great job -
Excellent
I do find it sad that one has to experience a catastrophy before realising the consequences....This was a powerful message and beautifully written. Excellent
-
You kind of lost my patience but the stanzas that I did read were beautiful and the tone of this poem goes perfectly with the back ground that you put up...keep writing
-
i really like this poem. i've never been one for long poems, but this one managed to hold my attention, and i'm glad i read it all the way through. i'm impressed with your use of rhyme. i haven't read too many well written rhyming poems. a lot of them just end up sounding cheesey. you did a good job with it, though, and it flows really well. the emotion in it is so strong, and i especially love the 2nd and 14th, and very nice job overall.
-
excellent!
What a piece of work here!...you never cease to amaze me with all that I've read from you...you put your heart and soul into all you do, telling a story so vivid and effortlessly, where you can't even tell where it begins and ends...seamless throughout that leaves this reader in awe of your talent!
-
just realised you took my last applause but i couldnt imagine it going to a better poem or writer. xx
-
i cant find the right words to tell you how wonderful i think this poem is....great content, flow, imagery, rhyme and rythmn- i liked this poem for all the above reasons and so much more,you have answered many questions in my head regarding why men do not settle like women in love etc, why some men only see what they have when its too late,the man in this poem is my partner but luckily i saw his candle and came home, we are so happy now...but thats another story lol, my favorite part was 'but in the front window, a candle will burn
in the hopes that she'll find her way back to me,'
beautiful imagery- and you kept it up throughout this lengthy poem although not too long for me as it kept my interest all the way through and with each new stanza i was all the more hooked, you paint very good pictures-you have an artistic mind definately , well i will book mark this poem, applaud it and read it over and over, all the best, sue xxxxxx
-
AWESOME READ
WOW this poem is AWESOME, love the imagery in this piece, so well written, i loved it, keep on writing.
-
a powerful poem; you convey the emotion well. i liked this poem because it left me with a feeling. was that a milton reference in the second stanza?
-
Nothing wrong with the moral, although the saying goes, "if you want to send a message, use Western Union". However, you didn't do a bad job all in all, except that this is very long. I can't help thinking it could have been condensed somewhat and still said the same thing. Anyway, I have written message poems myself, so I know how seductive the idea is.
-
Awe
You are a master peice! You do not have a single flaw in your poetry. I would love to be able to write like you. I just started and only have 6 poems. I wish I could flow like you do... My only good one is What do Angels Dream and that one isnt even good. You are a great Poet. and should be proud of your work. -
masterblaster,
That's okay. I wasn't going for sympathy for the subject of the poem. It was more of a warning to not postpone love too long or it may be lost.
However, I do think it's funny how people feel it's important to prepare for everything in life except marriage and children. They stay in school for up to ten years to become doctors and lawyers, but don't do "the work" necessary for the most important jobs they will ever have. (Father/mother, husband/wife.) That's probably the main reason there are so many bad marriages and abandoned or mistreated children - people regretting their own decisions, as if they were made by somebody else.
Thanks for reading and for the encouraging words.
Best wishes,
Mark -
Wow. This poem makes perfect sense to me, especially right now. Beautiful write, it made me cry. I don't know if that was what you were going for but that's what it did. You have a wonderful way with words Mark. I hope you never lose your ability. Well I'm gonna shut up now so I dont' babble too much.
-
This is very sad. The rhyme was smooth and the flow was good. The poem was just too long for me. I think there were a few stanza that seemed to repeat the same point in different words. I have always enjoyed the word and emotion behind your writes and if I were to pick the stanza I liked best:
The mind of a man is it's own place,
as a wise poet once put it so well,
and in it, he can make a hell of heaven
or he can make a heaven of hell.
the last two lines were great. thanks for the read. -
I love this so much, I think this is one of the best poems I have read in awhile, you have a true talent, so I must read more of your work ~Rush
-
Lovely rhythm, liked the rhyme structure which seem to complement the subject rather than detracting from it. Enjoyable read then.
-
Oh Mark, this is so sad. Each stanza came with more pain than the other. To love and see that your love is gone because some kind of misunderstanding or doubt, hurts even more.
This is a very emotional poem, I felt it very deep inside.
I wish you all the best, always
Kisses,
Mari
-
The moral to this poem must be never walk out just stay and work it out together, lovely write, sad but I did not feel sorry for the subject,great use of words and a lovely smooth flow. all the best
Adding your comment:
1 - 44 of 44
