My heart is feeling deathly chilled tonight-
From flames of love, You had me pull away;
Yet part of me, for fear, would rather stay
To tend and watch its ember's dying light.
My fingers seize the air to feel its heat,
Its glowing red a cruel, deceptive sight.
Please save me, Lord, from lonesome, algid night!
Where can this trembling one find safe retreat?
Where can I turn to rest and warm my hand?
To cinder love my heart would still resign
...But You would have a torrid blaze be mine;
I turn my love to You, and understand-
The warmth of love, my deepest heart's desire,
I find alone in Your consuming fire.
Author notes
FOR CONTEST PURPOSES: This Hybrid Sonnet consists of three quatrains (each with their own rhyme-scheme of abba, cddc, and effe), and a rhymed couplet at the end.
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Have you ever had to let go of something that you really wanted to hang on to, only to find out it was the best thing you ever did? This poem is a result of my breaking up with a guy, when part of me really didn't want to! And, if you've ever been in that situation, you know it can be quite the emotional rollercoaster. But, being a Christian, I believe that God wanted me to do this, so I could get closer to His love, the "consuming fire" in the poem. I believe that the heart's deepest longing can only find solace in Jesus Christ.
Written March 4th, 2005
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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I really enjoyed this write love the title it fits the poem so well this is well written and a great show of talent...thank you
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Thank you- I very much appreciate your comment on it!
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This poem is extremely good, the author comments help understand its full meaning and glad they were attached.
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So I have a hybrid sonnet?
Maybe I'll be the inventor of the hybrid.
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A pretty good sonnet you have entered in MY contest, however this form is not English/Shakespearian The rhyming patern is more "save" the TWO division Italian/Petrarchan
· the Italian or Petrarchan: generally an octave + a sestet (abbaabba + cdecde, cdcdcd or cdedce). The octave presents a narrative, rasises a question or states a proposition to which the sestet then responds.
· the English or Shakespearean: uses four divisions: three quatrains + rhymed couplet for a conclusion. The quatrains can have different rhyme schemes, but the pattern is abab cdcd efef gg.
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On Cinder Love by
heismysong:
Thank you for entering our contest.
Beautifully narrated, with a very good use of metaphors regarding the poignant void and yearning you could end up feeling in those first moments after having to realize that you have to pull away and then the solace and spiritual comfort you find in God. The roads are sometimes really unexplainable for the human heart and there is no question that at times everything would feel so upsetting, just full of trials, sorrow, despair and an anxiety that could make the eyes simply water and stare blank through the piercing blackness of the ceiling, but then redemption and healing is found in your quest when you turn your heart towards God. This had a pretty nice flow and a very good choice of words, as well as the strength within the message you want to convey. There is a clear feeling of like a desperate song, an attempt to still hold on to the last kindle, the last ember, but the road goes on and each on its separate ways. I do not wish to dwell so much on this matter, since I´m going right now through kinda difficult times too though in my case, there is a deep and strong love among us yet circumstances have made us be physically apart. And it hurts, it hurts…yes…though my Faith and my Hope are strong that everything will be alright in the end, and our paths shall meet again soon. But in the meantime, present lets its weight be felt. Anyway…what I liked the most form the poem is the tender and sincere cry for comfort engulfed in those lines of
“Please save me, Lord, from lonesome, algid night!
Where can this trembling one find safe retreat?
Where can I turn to rest and warm my hand?
Thanks again and kind regards
Juan Pablo Anguas
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Beautifully done, my friend. The sonnet is such a perfect form to express this kind of unreturned love that cannot approach the passionate love of our Lord. He is a comsuming fire and He is all we truly need - emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Great job on this. God bless you - joanne
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The emotions in this were so vivid and powerful that it was really felt when reading. This poem flowed greatly when read outloud, although I didn't really like the way the third line flowed, maybe thats just my opinon, but I'd suggest changing aroudn a word or two. Great job on this, I really enjoyed reading it!
Amanda -
You have captured the misery of a unreqited love far too well. You have also reminded us that we need to remember wher the glow of true love begins and ends. From God above. Thanks for the poetic reminder.
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Algid means "cold or chilly"- I use the thesaurus alot to find words, and this one made a nice contrast to the word "torrid". I must admit, though I know you most likely won't want to read this comment... I admit that it was God who gave me the words to write this. There's a verse in the Bible that talks about God being a consuming fire, and another that says God is love- I blended the two to come up with this poem. (It's also the result of a very hard break-up!)
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The last 3 lines
"I turn my love to You, and understand-
The warmth of love, my deepest heart's desire,
I find alone in Your consuming fire."
Is a wonderful ending. I must admit that on first reading I did have some trouble understanding what you were talking, about
but the ending makes it all ok. Now I have to go look up the word "algid". Cheers! -
I'd like to say that this is a beautiful, well written sonnet that has hope written all through it. A beautiful, sincere write. Best wishes in the contest
Ruth -
This is heartbreakingingly spiritual yet uplifting and comforting at the same time - well done! Thanks for entering - good luck in my contest!!
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I loved this! I once wrote some sonnets for a girl named Sara, I will have to post them someday. If you do fix it, please leave most of the wording the same. A poem is a piece of art, like a diamond uncut, it contains the most carats before the jewelers' hand descends. Great read, and good luck in the contest!
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This is amazing. I appreciate your style and what it took to make you right this, i.e., your experience. Been there, done that. I'm sure the Lord blessed your obedience to Him.
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Good Job
Yes been a long time but can still relate, good work with expression! -
I really like this poem... It really shows your heart and your cry for help!
Way to go... God bless you loads -
Awesome
This is good! I don't fully understand some of the comments about it but then it is because I am an amateur poet and havent ben writing long enough. All I know is I like it. I understand the message behind it and it comes off well! Bravo. Keep writing sister. -
I really liked this poem, especially the message it conveys. In the end, we can only find happiness and fulfillment in doing the will of our heavenly Father. All other earthly fulfillment is temporal. I liked your metaphors and rhyme scheme. Thanks for pointing me to this spiritual reminder.
Jen -
I liked the poem. I did find myself rereading some of the lines over as I read it and I think that is what made the flow feel a little akward. When I write things like this that have real emotion and deep feelings. I like to let the words flow right out onto the paper as they existed in my head. I do as little reworking as I can. I have found that if I try to make it rhym or form it where it doesnt want to naturaly go. I lose so much of the emotion I was feeling when I wrote it.
BTW, yes I am a Christian. Thanks for asking. -
I think I actually entered this a little prematurely... I realized that a Shakespearean style poem has two more syllables for each line. I plan to fix this, whether I win or not.
Edited on Mar 05, 9:34 because ''. -
i like the idea behind the poem.. but i dont like the flow.. like, the rhyming is diff from what i read uaualy, so it was hard for me to get into it. sorry. good write tho.
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