This is my bible!
There are many like it, but this one is mine!
My bible is my best friend. It is my life.
I must master it, like I master my life.
Without me, my bible is useless.
Without my bible, I am useless.
I must quote my bible true!
I must disregard the words of my enemy who is trying to reason with me.
I must convert him before he convinces me!
I will! Before God, I swear this creed...
My bible and myself are defenders of my country.
We are the masters of our enemy.
We are the saviors of my life!
So be it! Until there is no enemy!
But Peace! And that!
Author notes
This is a parody of the prayer from “Full Metal Jacket”. I didn’t have to change it that much sinse military brainwashing is so similar to the chrisitan one…
Written March 4th, 2005
A contest entry
- Bible Bashing. Oh Come all ye Faithful. by ----michael----.
400 points, ended April 15, 2005, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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(She sure did and I look forward to continuing an intelligent debate)
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(I replied to this note of Dark Prince's, by the way)
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Comic and cartoons? I wouldn't classify as myths in the true sense. Do they hold up a mirror? yes. But they hardly address deep seated philosophical ideas.
A sacrificed king..Egyption or any farming based society
Virgin birth..Osiris
It is generally understood that since most of the gospels were written 30-100 years after his death that many aspects were coddled in from the old testament to fulfill the prophesies. And since the Nicene Counsel arbitrarily picked and chose what fit into their ideals and left out what they couldn't explain kind of casts doubt on the validity of the New Testament. Even then many inconsistencies and glaring omissions crop in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. As for Historical precedent, it is noticeably lacking for the young rabbi Yehoshua. His birth is celebrated during the winter solstice an obvious draw from the Sun god (Son God?) his death/ resurrection (again drawn from pagan myths) occurs during the rebirth of the seasons of spring. And an entire liturgical year based upon astrological placements. Cycles, birth death rebirth. Look at the statues of Isis and her son Osiris a pre Christian Madonna and child. And it is even called into question who is the Mary that holds the scarified king in all those pietas, his mother or his wife? Here is a list of attributes from Egyptian myths that Christians seemed to have borrowed: Osiris
Had well over 200 divine names, including Lord of Lords, King of Kings, God of Gods, Resurrection and the Life, Good Shepherd, Eternity and Everlastingness, the god who "made men and women to be born again."
Coming was announced by Three Wise Men: the three stars Mintaka, Anilam, and Alnitak in the belt of Orion, which point directly to Osiris' star in the east, Sirius, significator of his birth
Was a devoured Host. His flesh was eaten in the form of communion cakes of wheat, the 'plant of Truth'.
The 23rd Psalm copied an Egyptian text appealing to Osiris the Good Shepherd to lead the deceased to the 'green pastures' and 'still waters' of the nefer-nefer land, to restore the soul and body, and to give protection in the valley of the shadow of death...
The Lord's Prayer was prefigured by an Egyptian hymn to Osiris-Amen beginning, 'O Amen, O Amen, who are in heaven. Amen was also invoked at the end of every prayer.
The teachings of Osiris and Jesus are wonderfully alike. Many passages are identically the same, word for word.
As the god of the vine, a great traveling teacher who civilized the world. Ruler and judge of the dead.
In his passion, Osiris was plotted against and killed by Set and "the 72."
Osiris' resurrection served to provide hope to all that they may do likewise and become eternal.
Horus
Was born of the virgin Isis-Meri in December 25th in a cave/manger with his birth being announced by a star in the East and attended by three wise men.
His earthly father was named "Seb" ("Joseph").
He was of royal descent.
At age 12 he was a child teacher in the Temple, and at 30, he was baptized, having disappeared for 18 years.
Was baptized in the river Eridanus or Iaurutana (Jordan) by "Anup the Baptizer" (John the Baptist) who was decapitated.
He ad 12 disciples, two of whom were his "witnesses" and were named "Anup" and "AAn" (the two "Johns").
He performed miracles, exorcized demons and raised El-Azarus ("El-Osiris") from the dead.
Horus walked on water.
His personal epithet was "Iusa" the "ever-becoming son" of "Ptah," the "Father." He was called the "Holy Child."
He delivered a "Sermon on the Mount" and his followers recounted the "Sayings of Iusa."
Horus was transfigured on the Mount.
He was crucified between two thieves, buried for three days in a tomb, was resurrected.
Titles: Way, the Truth the Light; Messiah; God's Anointed Son; Son of Man; Good Shepherd; Lamb of God; Word made flesh; Word of Truth.
Was "the Fisher" and was associated with the Fish ("Ichthys"), Lamb and Lion.
He came to fulfill the Law.
Was called "the KRST" or "Anointed One."
Was supposed to reign one thousand years.
Its an ok story with a great messag of love but isn't the best myth ever. I think the Greeks and Romans told much better stories. -
Comics are a plenty wonderful example of modern myth, and that is coming from a Homer fan.
But elaborate on "lacking luster and drama," because, hey, if we chose our leaders of that basis there wouldn't be much of the world left.
But since you are ready to hop up on a chair and start defying people, which parts of the person of Christ do you find unoriginal? I know "all of him" is the answer, but try to specify for me. I suppose Mithras is one?
But the fact that he was a real, living historical character is undeniable. At least grant the debate that much. -
Well this was cute. Isn't it funny how you can whip out a peice of crud and yet generate loads of controversy because you decide you want to slam a group that isn't protected by PoliticalCorrectness (TM)?
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And that they do, letting a book do their thinking for them. And yes for as unoriginal Christs tale is ( there isn't one original myth in his whole story, I defy any Christian to prove otherwise) he does lack a certain luster and any real drama. But the core message is worthwhile as long as one doesn't let the ideology and dogma get in the way.
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true, but the whole premis of Christianity creates the impossiblility of people knowing other myths... I mean most of them would deny to you that their religon shares even the echos of other religons and if you so much as try to prove it they will quote scriptures at you as if that solbves the matter... besideds who is REALLY going to modle themselves after a boring healer who ran around with twelve other guys preaching love? i DON'T think many men would say they thought their personalitys matched that of Jesus's mainly because even in the bible he shows no personaily, at least no STONG charactoristics.... ah but the point of this poem was to show the thinking of Chritsians on a Mass leval and their dependency upon that stupid book!
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What is wrong with a message of love and tollerance even if the source is a myth? Myths are important to a people part of todays problems lay in the fact we have no myths that we can relate to. The closest thing we have to a modern god today is an invulnerable flying man in blue and red tights and a red cape. And he isn't really a god or a myth. Read your Campbell, man makes religion the opiate. The source is pure, we infect it.
Edited on Mar 11, 11:00 p.m. because ''. -
sometimes religon can be fun... to make fun of but that is about all it's really good for... then again if it were not for religon there wouldn't be sins which are OHHHHHHHHH sooo fun to commit!
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>>religion isn't the evil here
Wake up any religion is a system of control for the masses, it denies the rights and desires of its participants. Religions always were and are evil.
>>I love Crist, it's Cristians that piss me off
Lol I can understand the 2 part of this, but how and why do you love some dead man that was preaching 2000 years ago? That’s IF he ever existed in a first place…
Edited on Mar 07, 4:00 p.m. because 'God made me do it'. -
nope not at all love. it's too easy to bust on religion, like shooting fish, I know I have done it. It's taken me a long time to figure out it isn't god at fault, it's mans hand. Man fucks up the message especially in his zeal to spread gods word, or to pigeon hole the message into one set of rules and guidelines. I'd love nothing more then to line them all up, the popes and the ayatollahs and the slick haired bible TV thumpers and kill'em all. When these hacks get caught up on "we gotta weed out the ...(take your pick here) homos, jews, liberals, gun nuts, what ever...and kill 'em all for Jesus, god I could puke. Just gimme my porn and leave me alone and I'll be happy.
Edited on Mar 11, 10:57 p.m. because ''. -
my dark prince! i thought you would enjoy this piece, you have simaler works... i think your jsut jeliouse
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a winner
religion isn't the evil here, it never was. I love the ideal that was put forth by christianity in its pure form (what ever that is) the mystic ideal that eludes even the earliest writers of the text. I love Christ, it's Christians that piss me off, but any mindless zealot is a danger be he buddist, jew, muslim or scientologist. this is a great piece and it speaks volumes
Edited on Mar 11, 10:55 p.m. because ''. -
Huh, this was interesting. I'm not really too sure what to say about it, I've not seen the movie you reference. I liked it, it made me think of the bible almost like a weapon. Seems to have garnished quite the controversy. Good job with that. Controversy can be fun.
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>>I must disregard the words of my enemy who is trying to reason with me.---no enemy will reason with you...only an enemy disquised as a friend.
Lol your response only shows how true this statement is. I am your enemy since I am anti-christian, and I will support anything I say with logic and facts and show you how flawed the bible is, or share some history of christianity that they do not teach its followers. But you on other hand will disregard anything I say saying its from devil and other nonsense like that. Its so typical of christians.
>> learn to read your bible
Rofl. How do you learn to read the bible? Care to teach me? Ive read it and its full of contradictions and if you cant see them, maybe you should learn to read period… Ohh take a spelling lesson while on it too.
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I must disregard the words of my enemy who is trying to reason with me.---no enemy will reason with you...only an enemy disquised as a friend.
Well written...learn to read your bible...in my opinion there is not a person alive that knows how to read it properly. BUt then I don't know everybody...do I ? -
Really interesting poem i felt the impression was that if we all were depend on our bible then maybee wouldnt worry and we would have a more moral life. Great poem Keep it up xXJacquiXx
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The restructuring of the psyche in all forms
Interesting the works as well as all of the comments all very well written you have created here a platform for the worldly, wordily, wise, in all facets, to discuss each personal opinions my favorite form is the teachings of Lao Tzu (written 500 bc) as they were simple parables beginning with the understanding of nature and the premise nature is our first teacher; honing our self and our gifts and to find peace and balance within... to "teach without the words" thank you for an interesting format to view so many varied opinions yet, I notice in most forms of teaching love is the premise... yet, so many cannot practice this in actions the diversity of humanity is vast
very well done
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Well...this is...interesting. Im not sure how im supposed to take it. -
this i will say is most interesting. I am not of the christian fait at all, but I am always open to other peopls views and worlds. thank you for that.
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Oh, I think it's funny! I love it! What a nice parody, and it fits so nicely with the movie quote. I am totally amused.
I mean, seriously. No sarcasm intended. Cheers!
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Totally bemused. Is this the creed of a bible basher? Or is it watered down and ineffective sarcasm of a non-believer? It's hard to tell. Either pour scorn on the fucking bible for the worthless crap it is. Or say how wonderful it is and how stupid you are to belive in its puerile fantasies. Get off the fence. Say what you mean.
Edited on Mar 05, 9:24 because ''. -
>HOPE it wasn't the normal religious excuse to numb the mind with another person's words
If you fail to see the extreme sarcasm in this, it says much about the numbness of YOUR mind.
>the reason God gave us the gift of "reason" and "free-will"
Is that what he told you? I was born of flesh and blood, there is no god there never was. My free will is no gift its my birth right that I chose to exercise unlike you who lives by the bible that was written to control the masses.
>not the words of other humans written 1500 years after
Bible has been rewritten many countless number of times. If it ever held any logic in it it was all lost during endless translations and modernizations. As of now it is most irrational text you can find.
Check http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/ there are like 90 self contradicting statements in Genesis alone! And your bible is full of them!
Edited on Mar 05, 1:43 p.m. because 'God Told me!'. -
i love that movie, Kubric has always been an absolute genius (A Clockwork Orange) is a masterpiece, however the original book with all 23 chapters is much better ..... i started thinking this was another Bible thumping rant professing mindwashed conformity (the mindless twits) .... i could write a book about the fairtale called "The Bible" taught to me by Benedictine Priests and Monks .... the reason God gave us the gift of "reason" and "free-will" is to let us embrace a mind we can call our own, not the words of other humans written 1500 years after the fact ... this is a nifty lil' piece of work, and HOPE it wasn't the normal religious excuse to numb the mind with another person's words .... cheers
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BUT PEACE!!!!
(hehehe...)
awesome write...i totally agree...cause the bible is like FULL ARMOR OF GOD!!!
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Lovely poem. Great write.
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The lovely poison encouraged me to read this, yay for her, it rocked! great job
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and Praaaaaaise Jeeeeeeeezus!!!! Hallelujah
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hehee... ummm just remembering what we were doing right before you decided that you would post this! LOL! nice
ofcorse there are a lot of other ways to promote! lol you see if people have a strong opinion about it (ether good or bad) they will ofcorse say something to thier friends! so this is gonna be fun!
i'm trying to think what else could be "converted" for the sake of "spreading the word" te he he
anywho you know i loves u
~your kitty flavpred poison~
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