The doors flew open, they wheeled him in.
Oh no! Not him again.
John Doe's his name, he's here everyday.
Can we save him again, who's to say?
Tube down his nose--turn the pump on.
Let's get all the poison, until it is gone.
The pump didn't work, just too many pills.
This John died, at the hand of his thrills.
My shift's almost over, been a terrible night.
Here comes John Doe, he's been in a fight.
He's drunk and he's bloody, that's just about par.
The knife in his side, he received at the bar.
His skin has turned ashen, his lips oh so blue--
Two more pints of blood, before we were through.
John wheeled to the floor, he made it this time.
Whiskey and knives, the players of his crime.
Just ten more minutes and I can go home--
I spoke too soon, that's John on the phone.
He says this is it, his final farewell.
Just stay on the line, until help gets there.
Police soon arrive, John's gun in their hands.
Things just weren't right, in John Doe's Land.
The night's finally over, my shift at it's end.
One last check on John, sleep well tonight my friend.
Author notes
option 2
I was an RN student, and an Ambulance Service Director
there seemed to be an abundance of John Doe's
Written March 4th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Great job!
I loved this narrative piece! Very well constructed! Never a dull moment on some days! Thanks for sharing your wonderful talent! Best of luck in the contest!
Debi
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Really great write, really great, good luck in the contest.
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This have touches of humor and sadness both reality says that there really are a lot of John Does that live on the edge and are always going from one mess to another, never learning anything. Great message here too. Good luck in the contest.
(`'•.¸(`'•.¸ ¤ ¸.•'´)¸.•'´)
~~~Touchof1der~~~
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This is funny and personal. I enjoyed how you kept saying John Doe without any sense of repetition. You neveer said "again" or "another". It was left for the reader to think.
Love, Black-Moon -
Wow, you are a true artist, my friend. Your pieces are so meaningful, and I enjoy reading them. Great write, and keep it up.
♥ Eve -
This is a very interesting theme for a poem, dude! Do you work in an E.R. or something. Nice!
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Wow love the rhyme in this...awesome narrative..powerful message, though it's sad it's well written.
Red -
this poem really does have something to say, its true there are so many people just the same, killing themselves in their own little ways and calling it entertainment or just fun. its really sad and this poem sums it up really.
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I was desperately impressed by this poem, from the whole tone of it to the very original idea behind it's form.. Another one of those moments where I'm slapping myself for not having thought of it first!
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interesting
nice write but for me it was somewhat difficult to read even with my glasses on but like i said good write and great job on the imginative of what was happening -
oh am so sorry i clicked you again and wasted one! eeeee. still new to this yet! sorry again...
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whiskey and knives go together well for some reason, at least, i mean in the poem the words sit near each other very well. i agree with windworder about the change of perspective as well. if this was written from personal experience, then you do a great job, if not, you've got a fantasic imagination.
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AWESOME!
This piece is great! I like how you used three different instances in this poem, and tied them all together. This poem was really great! There was nothing that I would've left out or added, I think it is the perfect length. This poem was really emotional and you did a great job conveying to the reader everything that you wanted. I especially like the very very strong ending, it fit the poem extremely well! GREAT JOB! WOW! AWESOME! -
Wow..Incredible! Such emotion, wow. Good work, and keep wrighting.
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wow!
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I liked how you incorporated different problems into one poem. Good job. I really liked your writing. It shows what people go through, the problems or the people trying to help others through the problems.
~V~ -
This is a very sad poem...to me. I wonder how many JOhn Doe's actually roll in every night. To think I was going to change my last name to Dough. Would be good for a laugh if nothing else. Anyhow...this poem is real sad...wouldn't want to work in an ER. Later.
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Wow that was great, so many John Doe's eh? The only bit I think didn't work was
"He says this is it, his final farewell.
Just stay on the line, until help gets there. "
....seemed to be the only bit that didn't rhyme. You wrote this brilliantly well done xxxx -
Too many John Does in the world for my peace of mind. All those unknowns, victims of todays society and yet we rest in warm beds and drink our lattes and dream of bigger things. It's nice to know that someone besides myself cares
Ruth -
This is an interesting summary of some of those crazy nights at a city E.R. The title as well as the theme was certainly contemporary with so much self abuse today. The point of view of someone who must play the role of saving those self destruct was clearly portraied in each stanza. Great job, with the poem.
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wow I got chills reading this write very emotional piece I loved it wow I loved the subject you wrote about!! great ending I loved it great work look forward to reading many more.
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