That damn lime kool-aid
is too sugary.
I remember when you
preached your Marlboro-brand
doctrines while
stirring that sickly poison.
It reminded me of the time
You tried to mask the last remnants
of that subtle night.
But my perversions
didn't permit me to remain so whole.
The vain preparations
were watched by curious eyes
And later judged as I learned of
everything.
And then, I stopped speaking altogether
Author notes
Written March 3rd, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 58 of 58
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Nice...
Is this complete? It leaves something to be desired if so.. just suddenly over. No punchline, no brutal gut-twisting wrench.... I like it. :-)
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'You seem to have invited the verbose gang to comment here, so I'll restrict myself to a quick Zzzzzzzz'
'Zzzzzzzz' as in you thought it was boring? And yes...I do seem to have some comments that are a few thousand lines too long, but ah, well. I'm looking for different opinions on this one. -
I'm not sure I understand all of this, but it seems very beautiful. I really like how you started out with the observatiion about kool-aid. It really set the tone well, and it seemed appropriate to me!
Great write, and thank you so much for sharing this with us! Keep writing! -
Very good piece filled with deep thoughts. Loved the feel and flow and the inquistive nature of this one! great write, keep your pen forever flowing!
Bunny
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You seem to have invited the verbose gang to comment here, so I'll restrict myself to a quick Zzzzzzzz.
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Curious
WOW!! A curiously inviting piece that entices the mind.
Leaving the viewer with questions of who when where and why?
Cleverly written with a mysterious beginning and ending. -
Wow. this is an amazing write. it was just... lovely.
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Ah, this one again.
No matter how many times I read this, it's still incredibly lovely. -
Excellent
Bravo, bravo. Perfect brevity in this piece. You said what you had to say, quite eloquently I might add, and finished. This is the kind of poetry I love. -
hmm I like this... i feel that maybe it could have used more explanation or perhaps a little more feeling but really, it's fine the way it is. The whole thing has a very sinister feel, and with the last line it's hard to tell if the narrator stopped talking of his/her own volition, or if the "poison" silenced them. --this isn't bad, actually i think it's cool that it could be either one.
Also, the last line reminds me of a poem by Robert Browning.. "my Last Duchess"
-" I gave commands; Then all smiles stopped together."
nice write
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nicely done
You need to think about this one. Just the kind I like. I do have a picture running through my brain that is sadly subtle.
You have written this well and I shall think about its meaning more deeply. Hugs WolfHeart -
I like writes that make you use your mind! Great work.
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amazing
Powerful opening. I like lime Kool Aid, but my favorite is black cherry. So what's wrong with sugary Kool Aid... I eat sugar by the gallon (hehe).
I really enjoyed this piece. It was somewhat random, and it made me laugh. Marlboro... my sister smokes that brand. And as for the rest of the poem, well, I don't know where you got this idea, but it turned out nicely. I like it.
Great write, buddy. I hope to see more of your stuff soon. It seems like you are a light hearted person, and people usually like that in others. Keep it up!
Much love, as always,
Bubbles -
i Liked the words you used and the style and with ur explination i have to agree i liked the last line of ur explination
'Finally, with courage in your heart , you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live' -
too many words ofa comment there I think. I liked your style but couldnt really grasp it but it did flow well and you certainly have a way with words
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In your Awakening, You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change ... or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that fairy tales exist only in books and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you ... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of Acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you).
you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So,
you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, what you should do for a living, how and where you should live, whom you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with ... and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.
You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
You learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn
that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK...and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less.
you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty. You take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve ... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly,
you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance.
You also learn that no one can do it all alone ... and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself.
You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions
you learn not to personalize things.
You learn that The Higher Power isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.
you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state -- the ego.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted.
you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
Finally, with courage in your heart , you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live.
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the feeling you creat with this poem is so intense. I like the snap shot you painted with that simple phrase as the opening line and then expanded out ward. Its like being in someones mind really how one thing connects to another reaching back into memories. I like it even though i am not sure why there is so much intestity towards the cool-aid mixer.
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A pretty good poem, i didn't really get it at first but after i read it the second time it made more sence. pretty good write.
<3Jade
Edited on Jun 14, 2:11 p.m. because ''. -
What a perfectly interesting piece! I really like this one! And you have some heavy metaphor going on here. I really took to how you used the contrast of a mean or calloused person making kool-aid in the kitchen... to the reality of your situation. I think I've been there before. They tell you what they know you want to here to silence you, but it conflicts with their personality and you know they're lying. It's really hard to deal with, isn't it? Anyways, I think that it's a great poem. So thanx for featuring this so that we all had a chance to share your words and feelings with you.
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i haven't a clue what this is about right now i can't even pull something from my own life to fill in the blanks
there is no doubt it's well written...i have just failed to 'get it'
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Almost a Hemingway-like description of the senses, very intense, well done.
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i'd have to agree the intent is a little unclear but i like that..your not handing us something we can breeze through while our brains stay on standby
its interesting..has a quirky flow and is highly compelling read for some undefineable reason
Hollow X -
Good
Interesting, But I was lost, The words were good but not sure what you were saying -
ok, this piece is very well written, i like it alot. i don't completely understand it.. a couple of author comments would do this piece alot of justice. very well written though, i like the rhythm and pace. lovely, darling. keep on keepin on.
<3 -
I can't stop reading this.
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This poem was very very GOOD!
I enjoyed reading it, it flowed so evenly and at a decent pace that only added to the drum beat in my head.
Grand writing and wonderful imagery
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This is a disturbing poem, but one that brings to mind the fatal flaws of false advertising. They lie...eveyrone lies. At some point we begint o understand the hidden agendas. We stop wailing that we have been lied to and walk away knowing. it is in that knowing that there is a falseness to all things, hidden agendas, that some choose silence.
Very thoughtful write. -
Very Well Done
This is so intense. The vivid pictures it paints are almost technicolor to me. I can see the green kool-aid and the red on the Marlboro pack. Very well written. Raw. I like it. Blessings! Tammy -
i like this poe m very descriptive i think its really cool and ill look forward to mreading more of your EXCELLANT work newayz great job <3e mily maka thubl0ndtwin69 m
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This poem has a misty atmosphere to it. It seems to hint at things without actually proving/directly relating to anything in particular. It leaves lots of gaps and silences for readers to fill in with their own contexts, I like poems which can do this. I also think you played with cultural codes well, inviting certain responses to cigarettes/speachlessness. I liked it, well done.
Thundercat -
Not much I can really say about this piece other than it has a metaphorical feel to it and that the second stanza clashes with the first(in show of comparison)
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I really liked the details and the references to the brand names really pull out the imagery of the words. The separation you placed between the last line and the rest of the poem really emphasizes the message. It reminds me of something I read a while back, a poem is not just the words it contains, but the way it's written. Nice write.
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Very powerful.
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It was well written. I am not quite sure what it is about. I read it a few times. Maybe it's me.
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o.k. some interesting thoughts here.
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I wish I could think of something more intelligent than 'wow', but that is pretty much what came to mind when I read this..great write.
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Two thumbs up. Very well written. I must say though, you must really love lime Kool-Aid
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This is a very gritty poem. I love it. The last line gave me a jolt...as the last line of any good story should!! Warm Regards....vivela
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awsome.
Nice poem, and for the record I hate koolade all together and being preached to so for me it would be a terrable combination. I like the droll language you used, really sarcastic in parts and I think you got your point across well. Give me silence and unsweetened iced tea anyday. -
The marlboro part of the poem refers to when my stepfather (asshole) would smoke his cigarettes and "preach" to me...
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hate kool-aid too...but duh!!! what's the marlboro philosophy ?
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I AGREE with this poem! Good job!
Trista -
Brilliant metaphors here, personally I really love the lime kool-aid bit
Reminded me of somthing long ago that wasn't so plesant LOL Very well written piece, I would not alter it. Great job!
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i love it, made me think.
-amanda -
wow...really good poem. it took me awhile to read and piece together...but anyway, keep writing. i'd like to follow more of your work =)
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Very deep and thought
provoking write. Very
well written. (I hate
lime koolaid too!)
I also liked this line
best ....I remember when you
preached your Marlboro-brand
doctrines while
stirring that sickly poison
Thank you for sharing.
Jeannie D Hunter
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woah this is really deep and beautifully written. its really different and i think each person can take something different out of it. its a little hard to make sense of first time round but the beauty of the language is incredible. wot a talent
rache -
A very interesting read you have penned here. I am not too fond of lime kool-aid myself. Great write.
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Thumbs Up
The last stanza says so much:
But my perversions
didn't permit me to remain so whole.
The vain preparations
were watched by curious eyes
And later judged as I learned of
everything.
You have to learn to live your life for yourself. You can not be happy living it the way you think others want you to. Very good write. -
Haha this was awesoem man! I love the second stanza the best. The malboro brand doctrine lines was sooo Dope! I love the word play through out this whole thing man. Great work! Keep steepin ya game up! PEACE! -B
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Wow, this is really great... thank you for your critque, it was by far one of the best i have ever gotten, mainly because you told me what i did wrong so next time i could fix it... so thanks... a lot...
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this piece was truely a delight. yes, it does take a bit to discipher, but thats the beauty in it. it starts out as one thing and pregresses into something so much more. but so subtly. i love it. the emotion of it all. i can see why this is your favorite. congrats on a truely great work of art and talent.
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Some may ponder or think the cause of your feelings. It is very simply this; people see you as they choose to. Their view will never ever change on account of what you say or tell to them. And most likely, they will choose to keep you in the role they have dreamed up for you. You are a threat to preconceived notions. Is this right? It is what I got out of your poem.
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great!
great piece!!! very different, but so strong and powerful. it takes deep thought to understand this, well done. keep it up!! xXxXx *Jordan** -
I LOVE THIS
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A very well written poem.. Good Work.. keep it up ! It does require a certain time and thinking to interpret what you have written.. and thats the sign of a good poet.. A very good work !
Excellent job ! Keep posting more ! Have a good day ! Raspberry.
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A very well written poem.. Good Work.. keep it up ! It does require a certain time and thinking to interpret what you have written.. and thats the sign of a good poet.. A very good work !
Excellent job ! Keep posting more ! Have a good day ! Raspberry.
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A very well written poem.. Good Work.. keep it up ! It does require a certain time and thinking to interpret what you have written.. and thats the sign of a good poet.. A very good work !
Excellent job ! Keep posting more ! Have a good day ! Raspberry.
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