Thunderclouds come crashin' in.
The rain starts to pour.
Lightning strikes my heart within
While death knocks at my door.
Fire closes in all around.
It burns my face and skin.
I scream inside, not making a sound.
It's all contained within.
The ocean runs up over the shore.
It consumes all the unsuspecting.
Precious life, it does ignore.
While precious breath, constricting.
Author notes
Written October 7th, 2002
What did you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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don't touch it!
I really like this! Great job :o)
~*Becca -
neutral
ouches...very painful. hard to conquer that savage storm within the soul. expressed the souls tempest well -
excellent
I like the rhyming here and the imagery. :) -
neutral
wow this was great! pointed and dark while still using the ABAB rhyme scheme! not an easy feat considering how popular it is.
well done!
-Cáit -
don't touch it!
Perfect! Excellent job! It flows together so nicely!
I especially loved the lines...
'I scream inside, not making a sound.
It's all contained within. '
Great discription! Love this! ~Jess
p.s. come by and read mine sometime,
I would love to see what you think!
*smiles* -
neutral
truely amazing, creating a parellel with the outer and inner worlds. The imagry really drew me in and made me feel as if i was trapped within, myself. Keep up the superb work. PF -
don't touch it!
i loved this poem, it really shows intensity and power, it rhymes perfectly, and it just seems to blend, perfectly, can't wait to read ur next poem!
.X.x. MaRiE -
excellent
Dark, yet sheds light on a feeling we all share. Very nice. -
don't touch it!
I love this, the wording, the excellent rhymes, beautiful!
~steph~ -
thank you very much for the comment, Zez. i really appreciate it. Oh, and, thank you, cfw828. i'm glad you liked it. :)
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don't touch it!
perfect meter, great rhyme, well constructed stanza's and an awesome subject. this is top tier poetry. everybody should read this one. -
excellent
This is some very powerful work. Great poem. -
thank you very much. i was wonderng the same thing. my dark poems are better than my happy poems i think. well, better written anyways. i dont write a lot of dark poetry though. i dont even know if this is considered dark poetry. i wrote this poem in 2 minutes. maybe even less. i had a REAL inspiration when i wrote this one. it came to me and i couldnt write it down fast enough. i almost lost it in my head. thanks for the comment!
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excellent
Why is it that talent usually comes from that dark place in side somones soul its kind of ironic that your pain helps you to write such a beautifull moving piece -
no, i just wrote it. thanks for the comment!
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excellent
this is so sad i have to ask did you dream it or just write it?
ethere way it was great sorry i havent been around to read yours lately ben a bit bizzy yea know
~liz~ -
neutral
I feel the torment of this poem great poem :) -
thank you very much, ip217, i really appreciate it.
Edited by can-i-make-a-comment on right now because 'no reason'. -
neutral
Your bones ache at the approaching doom. -
neutral
yep quite disturbing boot good job. i liked it. -
excellent
wow Em, another great one! kind of disturbing, but very good -
thanks MID
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excellent
i like the last couplet, CIMAC :) -
don't touch it!
Excellent write, love the way you used pathetic fallacy here 'OOOOOOO she used clever words!'. Yeah, dont get too excited. Its the only thing I remember from school lol.
Gem xxx -
excellent
felt like i was in a bath tub.. and someone knocked the toaster in.. here i thought i was saving time.. by having breakfast in bath..
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