In the center of his mind he finds
reasons to be alone in his world
as memories of the past rewind
Images of pain haunt his present
hiding the sun behind a gray cloud
an attempt to make of his heart a desert
At such times chances may be hurled
but at that time all his heart can see
are reasons to be alone in his world
The hurt and delusion seem blatant
he covers the woe beneath a shroud
Images of pain haunt his present
He longs for a love wholly and truly
but he is full of yesterday’s thought
and this is all his heart can see
Trust now seems to be far distant
lost in the midst of a noisy crowd
an attempt to make of his heart a desert
He dreams of ending his fated plot
regaining trust and be free to love anew
but he is full of yesterday’s thought
Fear of sorrow keeps his voice silent
sadness insists on crying aloud
Images of pain haunt his present
Yet he searches for a better view
a sliver of hope to help his spirit
regaining trust and be free to love anew
To feel once more that pure sentiment
and forget the tears he had cried
An attempt to make of his heart a desert
He begins to give fresh thoughts credit
In the center of his mind he finds
a sliver of hope to help his spirit
as memories of the past rewind
The tears are now not so frequent
he needs to get away from the cold
Images of pain haunt his present
an attempt to make of his heart a desert
Author notes
Thanks Erin for the great help!
This form was created by Erin Thomas, you can read about it on his column
allpoetry.com/Column/1086828
Written March 2nd, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- The Hybridanelle: Evolving Poetry (contest) by Queen Mab.
2000 points, ended June 23, 2005, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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And no where does it say who the poem was written about. I feel my popular phrase coming on. This is one of those poems I read and got a little excited to read...it's always nice when you know people like you, are your friend. And I'd read a lot of your poetry...almost all gone now
and we used to have these fun discussions on them...your optimistic, me negative, you of course were right, but I was still angry then. 
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14 months ago.
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4 years ago, man time goes by fast!
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I used yours and T's that sort of introduced me to my two oldest friends here.
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Doesn't it. I wanted to use that one I always liked, the time one, but then I saw this one. Lots of happy memories on this one.
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The Hourglass poem, yes I know you always liked it.
I like reading those old comments, and here Mi's was so special, she thought of you without knowing I wrote about you, very smart lady, I miss her a lot -
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You can delete this if you want, they mess up a poem. Yes, I miss Mi. She was always so supportive of me, you too. I still have a few poems, maybe 16 With her comments. Always sad when I see them. Yeah, you can say it, I was an idiot to delete all those poems.
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This is a very lovely work of poetry! I do not know anything about this form at all...but I can tell you surely must have crafted it nicely.
I wish you luck in all of your writing.
LIZ -
Mari,
You've been brave to attempt this lenghty form.... I agree with Hugh that you've done very well... take care...
mina
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Hello Brida, Your poem speaks to many...it shows the depth of depression and loss, confusion and the struggle to find hope along the way...The metaphors you've used are strong...the enhance the compareson of emptiness/fullness, dry/hot and barren... Good crafting!
Good luck in the contest! Liz -
Very lovely
I must say that this is a beautiful poem no matter what form it is in, and the words just leap out at you with a continous flow. Truly lovely and will be worth a second read. -
i've provided a lot of feedback on this poem in the past via email, so i'm not going to provide further feedback with regard to this contest. hope this will be alright with you. if you have any specific areas of this poem that you would like me to look at carefully, please let me know and i'll do that for you.
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Thanks Jenna
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You have done an amazing job with this hybridanelle. The parallel between loneliness and hopefulness brings such a circular aspect to his quest. It describes so well the cycle of depression and the difficulties of pulling out of it. Very well written. I want to see a new one from you, if you find the time. Your writing is exquisite.
~Bezoar -
Oh, these feelings are so very familiar to me. You have painted a portrait of a person whose ability to fall in love has been severely broken. Very real. The form is one I continue to struggle with and so am very impressed with this accomplishment because I know how intricate it is. It is a complex form. You have made it flow like silk.
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This struck a personal chord with me to some degree. You captured a very abstract type of person and emotion with this. Nice work.
Mark -
accolades!
What an insightful write and a glimpse at the inner workings of grief and healing. The journeys into the desert always seem to leave us looking for the land of milk and honey and we stumble around for a while until the haze of pain runs it's course and we can focus more clearly on another path. This is beautifully penned, as all I've read of yours. -
Thanks Eddy, I liked your suggestion, it does read better, I'm using it
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Thanks Hugh! Im' glad you liked this one
Pedro Lucas is fine, I heard he crying on the phone, he really has a very strong and loud voice I'm expecting new photos soon, will send you some so you can see how big(ger) he got
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Dear Mari,
As someone who consistently tells me they can't write a sonnet or handle meter it pleases me that you can create a poem so successfully in this form. Your stanzas flow with a liquidity
that is unflawed and graceful. The loose rhyming is not obtrusive.
The content is very nicely turned from woe to expectancy and the more positive conclusion brings relief from the earlier note of desperation. Applause.
Love and hugs, XXX Hugh. (How is my Gr-nephew?) -
Cool poem Mariza, I liked it A because it was different and B cos i could relate to some of it, although you be very surprised when i say not all of it lol anyway great write
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This is a beautiful poem. I will have to check out this form you made it look so enticing to try. The shadows is our hearts do often take on a mind of their own to give us struggles and battles in life to overcome. I think many can relate to this poem and it offers encouragement that we can overcome as well. A great message sent.
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That is the kind of form that you'll not see too often on my page The good thing is, the rhymes don't need to be full rhymes, that makes it a little bit easier. Need to fix that a n.
Thanks Linda for the comment, and I hope that your back heals soon! *hug -
Have you been peeking in my mind again...
That's ok I still luv yah...Unless there is a count on these
I think you should look at this stanza here
"At such times chances may be hurled
and that is all his heart can see
reasons to be alone in his world"
Me thinkest that maybe that should read...
"At such times chances may be hurled
but at that time all his heart can see
are reasons to be alone in his world"
I think you are speaking of chances here overlooked
that is why I think the wording there should be different
Maybe I am full of kaphoey but just seems that way to me.
It is beginning of March and it is 60 above here today
and I'm loving it. Usually around zero or less most years.
If this is global warming then I am all for it...lol
Have a loverly day...hugs...Eddy -
Mariza darling, this is exquisite, I must applaud you for doing this, I have not had the patience or the ability to sit and do this yet, I have to keep standing up as I have a bad back. I love the way this flows, I too was going to say about the slight typo, but as you already know I will just sit back and read this again, I'm jealous now..lol
Hugs and Love
Linda
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You are very impressive. Here I am thinking of other poetry forms, and you keep throwing them out as if they were the essence of your soul. Your words are passionate, and elegant... and every poem you put out is an exquisite work of art. I could only hope to kiss your feet and ask you to share such wisdom.
Hugs and Kisses...
Prince -
Thanks Michael. On stanza 6 the n didn't come close to the a, a n that is how it came out don't know why
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Slight typo on the sixth stanza,sould it be 'an'? apart from that can't fault it. It really is sad if its true. Well done mari on another excellent piece. Love and Peace.
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Great insight
This poem has an emotional insight that can apply to anyone who has lost in love and hesitates to try again. Very skillfully you have changed the mood from despair to hope - the poem turns at "yet he searches".
This is fabulous work Mari, applause.
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you are so freaking good! it seems that there is no form at all you can't handle...
As long as the form stays relatively short, then I am able (I guess) to write it (except of the haiku then
) but the day I will ever be able to write such a long poetry form like this one... I think by then pigs will fly happily through the air 
Well done dear friend, this deserves more than just one applaud
Leander -
I see you are starting to delve into the deeper end of the pool Mari, where many drown frequently leaving behind those that love them and adore them.
This write reflects a lot of hope towards the end, hope that the effects on him are reversable, and that he, deep inside, in the center of his mind, truly wants to find that same hope.
Its incredible how humans have this incomprehensable need to hang on to hope even when there is none.
Either this was truly one of your deepest writes, emotionally, poetic'ly and personally or it was a complete fluke! lol... See how many readers you've touched and how many people feel you've written their stories. Thats a sure sign that you've hit your target.
Candidly,
Spear --> -
It's going to take me forever and a day to really delve into this format, but I have to agree with Scott, your attempt is beautiful and emotionally heartwrenching. (I was starting to wonder when the fudge you were going to write something new) lol. I can feel the desolation, the intensity contained within. You say you aren't talented, and I see you lie!
I got caught up in the flow of the piece... wonderful work dear!
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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Haunting/Beautiful/Stunning Work!
I, Oh, Mari~
haunting and so beautiful and Oh, God, me, as well as Yem, above me, shivers...oddly, Yem and another came to mind...it, it, yes, the whole poem and I will have to look up the form, but, it...it is so felt, so much a portrait of one who is so afraid, it seems, yes...emotionally and poetically so beautiful...
This stops me a bit and is a keeper...
There is such a depth within this and this form, you've simply awed me with this one, I don't know what to say, much love this, painfully so much here and am at a loss,
Thank you, Mari
Bravo, Mari...
specail, moving, more... -
If this isn't about me it should be! This is me to a "t." I need to read it again, to see everything, but I want to comment now. I'd point out some of the lines that struck me in the face but then I'd end up pasting the entire poem and be accused of spamming, lol.
Much here (as Mi Mi would say) and it has a solemn beauty to it...just like me, lol.
yeah this one gave me the shivers. -
Thanks Nadir! Erin helped with the grammer and tips to the end-lines schemes. He knows I don't use meter, I think he gave up on commenting about the meter on my poetry
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Hello Mari,
Of course, I am not the expert on Erin's form but I was most impressed with this write. Your content and flow mask the repetitions quite will. I will be anxious to hear Erin's thoughts as well. I just sent him one to scrutinize over the next few days.
Well done...nice to see others trying this wonderful form,
Del s
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Wow! I need to take some time to digest this form, but the content is emotional and really well said! The repeated lines are powerful and seem to have a slightly different meaning each time (which is usually important in these types of forms). Well done, Mari!
Scott
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I love the words you have used very powerful and touching. The background picture goes well and the colours really complement this poem.
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