Freelanced clocks.
Welded inside little rhymes.
Melting in the heat of time.
Disco Inferno.
Bright lights, big city.
Travel through portals
Once you're ready
To be your own master.
Pay no attention to the beaver there
It was probably road kill.
Let's jump through a rainbow.
Out of eyes and into mouths
That feed corruption and greed.
Like the government.
Such breathtaking images
Touch death while making wishes.
Author notes
You have to systematically create confusion, it sets creativity free. Everything that is contradictory creates life. ~Salvador Dali
(Inspired from Salvador Dali's Painting "Clocks") ~Dali rules~
Written February 28th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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Awesome, I love Dali!! The "Melting Clocks" painting is a great surrealistic piece. Some people think the melting watches were there to literally symbolize the irrelevance of time. Anyway, I think you did a great job with this poem. "Such breathtaking images
Touch death while making wishes."
Love this part
Thanks for sharing
~Linz
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very good i loved it
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An Abstract Masterpiece!
Astounding work.
I love when someone can write abstractly, and do it so beautifully.
I'm not sure why but the part that really called out to me was:
'Travel through portals
Once you're ready
To be your own master.'
You are a mastermind, and have so many masterpieces to prove it, and I think this is one of them..DEFINITELY
~Sherry~
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Excellent!
Very well written poem, I too am a dali fan although I way prefer maxfield parrish and alphonse mucha type stuf asthetically, dali really tweaks the brain. Well done! -
The imagery, the paint is all there. But, I don't know, it feels sort of dead. Or just sleeping deeply and hidden. Like the painting is half-there and I don't feel what it's meant to portray.
trick -
I do not understand what you mean by simile really...where is the simile? It's been awhile since I've been in english class..I guess I should have paid more attention. Anyways I will I guess try to submit another poem because there will be no changing of ANY of my poems..but however I must distress that this poem is probably best suited for your contest out of any other of my work..as most others have some references to "me" or "I" Can't you ignore just one little thing..afterall in line 14.."like the government" I was only comparing something to something else to give it a random image..it doesn't really mean anything specific..it is only a surreal image. What do you say>?
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Okay, I'm assuming that when people enter contests, they usually read the "helpful hints" otherwise known as the "rules" (Heh, I always do...) So, I was reading your poem, and quite enjoying its abstract quality and refreshingly halting rhythm. Until I came up to line 14, discovering a simile. Imagine my dismay!
Now, this simile was hardly worth noticing (hence the reason why I paradoxically pointed it out). So now, you, dear author Truly, have a few options. The first, is something I do not quite like, because it is stifling to the artist and does not guarantee a winning piece after the adjustment: take out/ change the simile.
The second choice I'd prefer a whole lot: enter a new poem. Seeing as we share the same muse, but do not express his work the same, I'd appreciate another poem, be it new or pre-write.
The last choice is the easiest, but not always the best: remove your poem.
Now, as someone who can comiserate the value points and bemoan, like me, the tragedy of wasted points, I know you will understand that I'd like to get my points worth. This contest is no run-of-the-mill 300 point siesta, I am laying a lot of points for multiple people. I trust you will appreciate my hardwork, as much as you'd like others to respect yours.
I whole-heartedly wish you would submit another poem, however, the decision is up to you. -
your exactly right..it doesn't matter..you weren't supposed to undrstand..that is the purpose of abstract/surreal art. Did you not read my author's comment afterall?
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I didn't have a real idea of what this poem was about but it didn't matter. Your use of language and metaphor transcends the necessity for literal translation.
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Very cool. interesting interpretation of the painting. I guess it's in that "systematic confusion" that art really comes about, and poetry and painting collide into a multitude of interpretations.
Thanks for suggesting the read, I ilked it! -
ok, so i understand u "work hard" to get your poems seen and whatever, but why is that a big deal to you. idk, i guess i dont really like the way you seem to be coming off about the whole making sure your poems get "recognized". I like to hear from ppl about my work, but i dont need others to tell me how wonderful or terrible they are. Not to sound mean or anything, but i just felt slightly attacked by your other comment about making sure to applaud the people you like.
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Since you had the courage to write such an innovative piece and insult me I have decided to award your poem with applause lol camus
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thanks a lot man, I am inspired by Salvador Dali who said it best when he said "When I order lobster in a restaurant, I don't understand why they never serve me a boiled telephone" P.s. Would it be too much to ask for an applause from you? Unfortunately I spent the rest of my points advertising this poem, and only three people commented out of the eleven people that clicked..and only one applauded. And I'm really trying to get some of my wasted points back. thanks for your time ~Rush **creator of Loothy Art**
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Intriguing
Fascinating. At first I tried to apply some order, some sequential logic or patterns to this poem but it belongs in the arena of what Kafka and Camus would call the absurd. This whole world is chaotic, absurd and it is folly for man to attempt to find order and meaning in it. Bizarrely, when one accepts this premise, some sort of meaning is found. I liked the poem for its refusal to conform, for its chaotic yet stimulating imagery. Well done. camus -
um, ok. well when i comment poems, i rarely applaud them. not cuz i dont wanna, i just always forget to do it or dont think about clicking the buttom thingy
nothing personal, im just kinda a ditz sometimes lol
Peace
Molly -
if it was the best poem you've read all day then why didn't you applaud it? I of course understand if you have no applause left..but I am really trying to get into the most applauded list..and when people comment on my work and say it was really good but they don't applaud it is kind of a slap in the face
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awesome awesome awesome. the best poem ive read all day. this reminded me of my dreaming of moving to NYC someday. dont xactly know why. GReat write, keep it up
Peace
Molly -
this write was a trip i enjoyed very much
"clocks" is a definite inspiration piece...one with many interpretations.
thanks for sharing this
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yeah..that part was supposed to be random...Dali's paintings had random things in it all the time..it is just something that is there..it has no real significant value..but that's what makes it valuable
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You're missing something in your author comments.
-Vasquine. -
I can't say that I completely understood what you were getting at here, maybe I'm just slow like that, but I was rather taken aback by this piece. Simply wonderful, that's about the only way I can put it.
"Pay no attention to the beaver there
It was probably road kill" It seems incredibly random to me, and yet I loved that it was in there.
Usually I'd have some form of constructive criticism to give you but I really can't find a single imperfection in this. Great job and thanks for entering my contest! good luck
~notxyourxstar -
thank you very much...I thought so too I love surrealism :")
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Well, then you certainly have no need of my opinions *smiles*. But it was a wonderful poem.
Let's jump through a rainbow.
Out of eyes and into mouths
That feed corruption and greed.
Like the government.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
~WindsAngel~ -
I believe that a poem is better with a little rhyming in it...as long as it was good...in fact that is what I think your poem lacked...I like seeing good rhyming...a little word play...that is just my style..it is how I am unique. I am an artist. I do not invite critique because I do not believe in critiques. I will never change anything in my poem just because someone else thinks it is wrong. I think poets should be encouraged...not brought down for their work. The only reason I gave you my honest opinion was because you did ask for it, because you marked it as critical...and I respect your ways as well...but I have gotten this far on my own...I am not going to start asking other people for help now. I have my own unique style and you either like it or you don't. I write for perfection, I am a perfectionist. In my opinion it isn't a good poem unless you yourself think it is a perfect poem. (and a perfect poem does not need critiquing because it is already perfect and infallable) How can you critique something that is perfect? That is like trying to critique God.
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Involved
I miss some of the fluidity of the work. I had tried to capture the dreaming sense, but you seem to be trying to enter the mind. That is a major ambition, particularly when you allow intrepetation of image to superceed the reality of the image. I felt the first part to be stronger than the close. I almost had the sense of slipping away, or was that the intention? The last couplet seemed almost trivial, weakening the word play with the rhyme. I see that you did not invite critique, but only respond to your invitation. Thank you for the honesty,
Peace,
Ed -
thank you very much
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Cracking. An amzing, vaguely post-modern poem. I'm currently starting to write in a post-modern style, and i enjoyed reading the poem. I particularly liked the last stanze;
Such breathtaking images
Touch death making wishes.
Very poetic, and beautiful imagery. Keep writing, and good luck in the contest.
Melfice xxx -
Contradiction is one concept I am fully obsessed with because I believe it holds so much meaning that many look past. However, you wrapped contradiction into a confusing, but sometimes crystal clear, write. This was wonderfully written because of the obvious powerful message behind it. Thank you for entering my contest!
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I would object to that but its true!!lol!!myeh it makes me an individual!!
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you're always in a strange mood, and I always ignore your insanity :-P (just kidding) spelndiferous is a wonderful word
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wow, I'm confused!!lol!!fantastic, you might even say splendiferous if it were in fact a real word (so that'll just be me using it then)!!lol!!I'm in a strange mood so ignore my insanity!! great stuff though!! Dara
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yeah, I have al sorts of poems like that. If you would like to I will name a few "What I saw in infinite mirrors" "A Dire Symphony" "The Labyrinth" and "painting on the wall" just to name a few. I am glad you enjoyed my poem, good day. ~Rush *creator of Loothy Art*
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YES!!! YES, YES YES!!! This was brilliant, utterly brilliant. This was what I was thinking of when I started this contest. I wish it'd gone on longer, I really enjoyed it. Do you have any other poems like this one?
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It was good, but Im sorry, It just didnt keep my interest for my contest Create4ever
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Great writing
Fantastic poem. I really like your style. -
Wierd to say the least and Confusion is absolutely no problem for you with this poem if that is your intent. Which has produced the desired effect. You extremely creative with this poem. I love the metaphors and I think I am a little dizzy as it seems to take me in little circles with each verse. I don't know if I making any sense but thats the only way I can explain it. I liked it thats the best I can say. thanks for sharing
God Bless
Tammy -
thank you very much ~Rush *creator of loothy art*
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A very strong write excellent done I wish you good luck in the contest
Herman -
thank you I'm glad you liked it ~Rush *creator of loothy art*
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very good poem i loved it good luck in the contest
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Kudos!
Oh yes, we must be thinking along the same lines my Tut Tut was inspired by thoughts such as these. Prostitutes as roadkill? I didn't do that one. But your writing as ususal is gritty hardhitting and all those other cliche saying for something that bitch slaps you and then knees you. -
Bravo. Standing in Applause
Indeed they do, and in this day and age, death wishes my not be as personal as they used to be. Enlightening and alive. Well written, formed and presented. A pleasure to read, think on, and read again. Thank you for sharing it. ~Pam
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It definately fits intpo the category of wierd, and this is a very interesting poem, i must say, very unique. That is a good thing, I enjoyed reading it none the less. Good job
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Excellent
I have to say that I love that you quoted Dali in your comments. He is one of my absolute favorite painters. This is another very well written piece. I especially love the line
"Let's jump through a rainbow.
Out of eyes and into mouths
That feed corruption and greed.
Like the government"
So true my friend. So true. Great job writing this. -
Great poem , nicely worded. Keep up the good work.
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Awesome
A rare gift it is that you have. A great imagination. I loved reading this piece. Keep up the good work. I'm definately looking forward to reading future work of yours. Best of luck in the contest.
~The Shepard~ -
Wow!!! Very nice!!!
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yes this is one of my old poems i think you already read it, i was just trying to get more comments on it from different people
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Hi iRush, a very good write had a feeling is was very similar to one you wrote before, the beaver a road kill seemed to ring a bell, maybe it's just me,a very good write with good emotion, another gem from you, all the best, D
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great imagery. great poem....................................................................
........................................................................ .................... i liked it, keep 'em comin' -
yep, I have many weird poems that I have wrote...I consider myself the salvador dali of the poetry world..it's my style, it's how im unique..I always write about different things and it is always something new and exciting...you should read my other good pieces "A dire symphony" and "What I saw in infinite mirrors" I hope you tell your friends that are fans of Dali to check out my poetry, cuz I want to make a Salvador Dali fan club for everyone who is inspired by my work. ~Rush *creator of Loothy art*
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I may not have taken this entirely as you meant it but this is one of those pieces that for me, just sort gives you a head rush because of the thoughts it provokes. I also enjoyed the Author comment with the saying by Dali. That was an added pleasure. This was a very enjoyable read. thank you for the pleasure.
♥ Kimberly -
wild, makes me think I'm really conservative which anyone who knows me would find wierd
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excellent poem...i wanted weird and got weird. lol...
great imagination and great imagery. this reminds me of that painting of the melting timepieces...i'm not a art expert at all...but isn't dali, the one that painted that?...so i was quite happy when i saw your quote by him...i felt like we were on the same page...lol...great job.
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Cool
Living on the edge is such a rush, be it the edge of maturity, or the edge of sanity. Not so far a leap, nor near a path. -
nice
nice poem...and good luck in my contest -
maybe you should read the last line again....it has some really awesome rhyming imagery...it's all about imagery here...SUCH BREATHTAKING IMAGES TOUCH DEATH MAKING WISHES....that I think is the awesomest line ever..cuz such and touch rhyme...breathtaking and deathmaking sound alike..and images and wishes sound alike..it is called word manipulation. It conveys the imagery that I like to see in my artwork.
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Disco inferno. Yes! I really, really like. it. And I think i've taken from it what I will, but the end is abrubt, and i wonder if that is intentional? That the energy builds and builds, and stops, with that little line? A dam. Damn government.
love from,
klee. -
Very good
I still like this one very much. -
good stuff and that quote in your authors comment lol yep i entirely agree ..love that man's work btw. the way you jumped from scene to scene in this and yet tued them all up together is genius
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actually it has feeling, but not really a meaning...it's supposed to be surreal..like a salvador dali painting ~Rush
(take from it what you will) -
The title captivated me, I just had to read this. I sometimes have a problem following freeverse but this was very well written. I loved this part:
Let's jump through a rainbow.
Out of eyes and into mouths
That feed corruption and greed.
Like the government
Great job on this! And good luck in the contest.
~Lyrical
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yeah totally full of imagination. Maybe it has a meaning...maybe it doesn't...only the author knows and thats you!! Great job i guess and kepp on writing
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thank you very much, i am glad that you enjoyed the imagery and I find your outtake on it very fascinating ~Rush
~Surrealism is merely a crumb, a piece of the whole~ -
you must have like a great imagination to write such a wonderful poem.. and i have always wondered what it would be like to jump through a time portal and to go and change the past. let people know about the future.. as if it would ever happen. but it is a great thing to imagine.. and the poem made me think of it.. it's wonderful
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Unique
Okay I see the point and yes I would agree to that because confusion can set free creativity and it looks like it worked for you in this. -
This is fantastic work! I liked the meaning especially, it really got me. My favourite line is
Pay no attention to the beaver there
It was probably road kill.
I hate animal cruelty. Keep up the good work!
Love, Black-Moon -
this is a ver good poem, you write well, this poem stands out for me in this comp!!G'luck
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wow, that was quite a ride. very good, you're quite the poet
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thank you, I'm glad you like my poem Jaymielle..good luck judging the contest..atleast you have a lot of contestants in your contest...my contest sucks
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yep it's true...thank you for the appreciation ~Rush
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Excellent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow this poem was amazing I really enjoyed it!!!!
"That feed corruption and greed.
Like the government."
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Inspired by a Dali melted-clock painting, I imagine? The more I read this one, the more I like it. Not all of it fit together, though I suppose it's not really supposed to, it certainly matches your quote. I especially like the first three, and last two lines, they're just artful. good job.
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imagination and dreamy expansion, yet the careful detail to pay no mind to the real things that should matter (such as unfortunate beavers)
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you have to be careful what you wish for. well thats the idea this puts in my head, its a great poem. well done.
love vix xxx -
thank you
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ooooh ness i am most intrigued! i like this it is creative and imaginative... wel done! truely deserves applause lol... rach x
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You consider yourself the Salvador Dali of poetry? Well, somewhat presumptuous, but I can agree. Your poetry is surreal- very trippish, astounding.
You write some pretty neat stuff. I still cannot stand what happened betwen you and Cara, but bygones are bygones.
Poetically I respect you as well.
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thank you so much ~Rush
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this piece was wonderfully written , the imagery is trully amazing .......
~ Gothic Angel ~
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i can't help but appluad this peice, you brought such imagry to this peice i was amazing. I will have to go and read more of your poems.
Great write and read.
luv bunches,
~MARY~ -
guilty as charged
You have to systematically create confusion, it sets creativity free. Everything that is contradictory creates life. ~Salvador Dali
This was simply my poem dedicated to Salvador Dali. I like to think of myself as the salvador dali of the poetry world (salvador dali of course was a painter) This is surrealism writing, just like Dali was a surrealist painter. it's kind of abstract in a way. You aren't supposed to 'get it' For it 'gets' you instead ~Rush
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candy coated cyinide
I'm lost for words, this is incredible, I seriously wish I could totally grasp the concept of this.
reaching for the concept,
I constrict the information,
just can't understand it,
it's a complication...
maybe I'll finsih that some time... -
Again, great job I love the imagery you have in your poems, it works so well. I love the line "Let's jump through the rainbow". Awesome job.
Chainwall -
No you can only applaud a poem once, but I do however have a long list of old poems if you want to read more. I have a lot of masterpieces in my collection. Because afterall, you may not be able to applaud a poem more than once, but you sure can applaud another poem I appreciate your kind words, and I don't mind it that you commented 'late' *hugs*
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As always, your work never fails to astound and take my breath away! Twas a VERY interesting poem, and as always, deserves more than the one applaud I can give you! (I don't think you can applaud more than once, can you?). My deepest apologies for the delayed comment!
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I really, really liked how this was written. It is quite interesting. I am not sure what it is about exactly, but I think that mystery may have been something you were trying to create. If not.. well, then I am stupid.. but enjoyed it nonetheless.
Justin -
I really didnt quite get it, sorry, maybe i am still to tired. It seemed well written and flowed well
~~~~Love and Light~~~
~~Blaze~~ -
"Pay no attention to the beaver there
It was probably road kill."
That came out of nowhere, and holy shit I love it. That completely cracked me up.
Anyways, well done. I greatly enjoyed this.
Christy -
I love this one. Really! The part about the beaver...man that just blew me away. hah! Incredible work. keeeep writing because that was a good read and i didn't get bored.
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thank you
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beautiful, beautiful words...imagery...just great!
'Such breathtaking images
Touch death making wishes.'
what a great way to end a poem! a real full-circle ending- fabulous!
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wow this is good! i like the rhyme sceam....even though im not quite sure what its about i like the imagery in it...i get pics of a lot of colors and new york in mind....good write!!
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Gosh, this is a challenging piece to critique. In any case, it's obviously brilliant(I admire the construction and the way you intertwine everything, the issues concerning humanity) and solid - you don't compromise when it comes to asserting your style and meaning. I think I also like the initial images that you conjure - unique things to say, haven't you? Or maybe it's the ingenious way you put it.
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really nice work !!such a strong well written piece and by the looks of it very very popular !! this is a really good piece and i think you really show some great talent in this piece good luck with the results of the contest !!
Luv j x -
Such breathtaking images
Touch death making wishes.
Wonderful wrap up lines and I love the quote of Dali, it really helps explain what you may have been trying to do with this poem. I thought this was wonderful, and I would just like to thank you for commenting on my poem. I'll have to read more of your work at a later time.
Hearts.
Miseria -
thank you so much for the applause...it puts me higher in the ladder of the "most applauded" poems Thanks to you now I am in the middle of the ladder, thank you, I hope you tell friends about this poem, cuz I would like all to see. good day and thank you reading this one it really helped a lot. ~Rush
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wow...wowza, whoa.
This is a grand poem you've got here my friend. This is a wonderful talent you've got here too.
Keep it up, and thanks for sharing.
Melissa -
thank you very much ~Rush
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