By-the-by ‘though come what may
And merely flew those words astray
Here and now ‘tis limp to I
While your fervour is sooner wry
Thou naïve still dote a ream
So, birds quarrel about the stream
Thus, in fine rely to loathe
And defy no hint of betroth
Does a cherub speak ones name
Aside the courter but in vain
Yes, me a bullion stone
To bare foible within your bone
Hush, this notion so inane
It ought not be of your pertain
Be it Sabbath for dim eyes
Then yearn for moonlight at sunrise
Author notes
In case anyone doesn't understand this, it's about unrequited love.
He tells her he "loves" her, but she think he's only saying this to sleep with her, no matter what anybody else says(friends/family). She also believes she's too good for him, and he should stop wasting both of their time.
Written February 28th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Options Contest, (love) by Lady Eclipse.
300 points, ended October 12, 2006, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I loved it! Very cleverly written, it must have taken you ages to come up with this, you'll have needed to think about each separate word so carefully (well, that's how it seemed to me anyway). Some of the language was a teensy bit too sophisticated for my young and innocent mind *cough cough* but I still thought it was great
Fab write, hope you're ok,
Love Laura xoxox <3 -
Extrordinary!
Wow this is great. Way to go! This is an outstanding poem and flowed well. I would applaud but, I am all out. That seems to be the case today! Please continue writing and have a wonderful day! -
great poem good luck with the contest
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I like the singsong feel this has with the rhyming, particularly since it's a love poem so it works. I can handle the old-fashioned words, I suppose. But you slaughtered your syntax. Particularly stanza four, line two. It pains me. So make it better.
Anyways, rhyming is evil, though, and you've managed it quite well, congratulations on actually having syllable counts and all that rot. -
a lovely poem, this is. it's... oh, i never could explain these things. but, I just wanted to tell you that I liked this and that it was good. and.. i agree with peluche, it was good, don't be unhappy with yourself.
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I think this was beautifully expressed. Lots of great imagery. You have a grand talent for words. This was just devine. Don't be so critical of yourself.
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