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The Taking

Dark landscapes etched an opal-ed night

Wind blown poplars and jutting pines

Thick undergrowth and climbing vines

Beneath a silvered moon waxed bright

 Cast a pearled foreboding witching light

 

For those who recognize the signs

(committed to unholy rites)

Those restless hearts who cross thin lines...

 

Among the aspen stands he waits

Watching her with fevered eyes

Blind desire binds two fates

Hollow hunger undisguised

 

Two savage hearts

 Ravaged by need

One from the dark ...one from the light

In symbiosis they will feed

 

One so empty

...the other needing filling

One so hungry

... the other willing

 

Destiny and transformation

Go before a soul’s salvation

Change is final ...unforgiving

Death is only for the living

 

Sweetgrass perfumed the midnight air

...time for her unsacred taking

Lovingly with throat laid bare

She awaited her unmaking…

 

Her cold Goliath placed the kiss

(warming with unnatural bliss)

“For love!” she screamed

(with her last living breath)

“Immortal and alive in death!”

Author notes

http://tn3-1.deviantart.com/fs11/300W/i/2006/259/3/1/Vampire_by_Sallow.jpg

malkinpuss

Written February 27th, 2005

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 99 of 105     1 2  next >  (show all)
  • StroonsGreen
    June 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "Two savage hearts ravaged by need
    one from the dark
    one from the light
    In symbiosis they will feed
    One so empty
    ... one needing filling
    One so hungry
    ... the other willing"
    That was my favorite stanza...marvelous job. You picked a fitting title...good..good


  • Oleander
    June 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    WOW! That was Astounding! I enjoyed this piece a lot.


  • Swan song gold member
    June 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome!!!! chillingly great in a very good poetic way!


  • Lucifers Seductress
    November 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A very visual write, the imagery great. Great rhythm in the words, thank you for entering the contest.


  • Myjoy gold member
    October 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was really really good. I loved the last few lines it just tided the whole idea of love and need, pain and giving. This is a lovely visaul as well. Well done and good luck.


  • XInsanity-FairX
    August 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    that was nothing short of amazing...it was so filled with emotion and imagery...'one from the dark, one from the light'
    i like this part...opposites attracted to each other for different reasons....different kind of needs, desires, fufilled with an the ultimate act of change
    i loved this poem...thanks for entering and good luck in my contest


  • dream5111
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "Dark landscapes etched an opal-ed night
    Wind blown poplars
    Jutting pines
    Thick undergrowth and
    Climbing vines
    Beneath a silvered moon
    Waxed bright
    ...a pearled foreboding witching light
    For those who understand the signs
    ...committed to unholy rites
    Restless hearts that cross thin lines " is my favorite part


  • Sedasia
    May 8, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is very entrancing. You did very well with this.

    Thank you for entering.

    Sedie

  • TheDarknessVisible
    March 2, 2006
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    great vampire poem. I don't really agree with the contest holders notion of what gothic is, but apparently she agrees with yours. I liked the line "She awaited her unmaking". cheers!


  • Heavenly Angel silver member
    March 2, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome!!!!!


  • malkinpuss
    March 2, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    RainShadow, thanks so much for your wonderful words!!!


  • RainShadow
    March 2, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    that was incredible, i really really liked it. it flowed so well and the imagery was gorgeous.


  • malkinpuss
    February 18, 2006
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    a gothic romance, your words are much appreciated!


  • a gothic romance
    February 18, 2006
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    this is amazing. this is what im looking for. and this picture is one of my favourite pictures of all time. ive been thinking about getting it tattoed on me, it is definitely my idea of a gothic romance.
    the poem is really pretty, i like the words and the imagery. its effective, and deep, and has a really nice "gothic romance" feel to it. well done, and thanks for entering


  • malkinpuss
    February 17, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    SeirraFaith, thanks so much for the encouragement and applause!


  • malkinpuss
    February 17, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Suberu14, no problem.
    Edited on Feb 17, 5:19 p.m. because ''.


  • PaleRoseAngel
    February 17, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Lovely

    Amazing poem i must say,it felt like i was the girl in the poem getting that love bite..lol i wish..well great job and good luck but i don`t think your gonna need it talented as you are,so keep it up!


  • Suberu14
    February 17, 2006
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    Mmm...This really isn't the type of poetry that I like and it's more like a story to me, Maybe it has a deeper maning but I can't find it and i'm ultra picky, sorry. You're not the first ive removed from the contest so don't feel bad, I'm just very very very very very very picky.


  • Carpe Noctem
    December 23, 2005
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    Very very awesome I must say, but can you please put your option choice in your author comments as it was a rule? Thanks! And keep up the great writing!!!


  • malkinpuss
    October 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hot Mama Sin, thanks!

  • Cinder McKnight
    October 28, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wellllll....definitely a twisty way to write a poem and i love it!


  • malkinpuss
    September 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    HellsLight, what a cherishable comment...thanks so much!!!

  • HellsLight
    September 19, 2005
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    Love and Vapirism-a good mix. Well done. You were very descriptive and it made the poem evenbetter. I got chills. Your poem really came alive-or dead, as the case may be. Awesome write.


  • malkinpuss
    September 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    crivanea, thanks so much for your kind words!!


  • crivanea silver member
    September 13, 2005
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    wow..very nice poem...yep..ur winning..thnx for making the rest of us feel like loosers...jk.hhehe..anyway..great job! nice poem..and good luck!


  • malkinpuss
    September 11, 2005
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    sullenrock, thanks so much for your words...they encourage me!


  • sullenrock
    September 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    don't touch it

    really really great.. and so easy to read to...uhm.. can i borrow some of your talent??? please please...no? ok.. it wouldn't be fair either


  • malkinpuss
    September 11, 2005
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    LostAndBroken, thank you so much!


  • MissCassie
    September 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    omgosh, this isnt what I was expecting for my contest.. I dotn knwo what I was expecting but this poem really surprised me... I think it is great. Good job!! got the chills again!
    ~Cassie~


  • malkinpuss
    September 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    BlackLaceRazorBlade, thank you so much!


  • xFirexAtxWillx
    September 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this is so fuckin awesome! i really like this...omg its like really good! well very good luck in my contest!!!
    ~grace


  • malkinpuss
    July 29, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    thanks cake!


  • cake
    July 28, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This sounds like some dark fascinating cult. Scary though, got goosebumps. Thank you for entering. cake


  • dragondancer
    July 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    Gee...vampiric to the max here, huh? The entire storyline in this work seems quite familiar. I've seen a lot of the same over the years. Other than that, this is highly original. *shrug* The way you wrote it seems sort of repetitive because you keep mentioning two from separate worlds coming together in the name of love. The emotional stats for this write are very vague too, but that's no big deal...not in a story-poem like this. I like the way you worded everything though. A little hard to zip through (read fast) so it makes the reader concentrate on what's being said more so than others. The only question this one raises to me is why did you make the font so big?


  • Rose Dark Thorn silver member
    July 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Ah, I've always liked writes such as this. You've managed to write it gracefully, beautifully, and remarkably well. One often wonders how much one would be willing do for the sake of love. This woman was willing to throw her mortal life away. A lovely, possibly over done, but enjoyable tale. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • malkinpuss
    June 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    chitown juggalette,...Thanks


  • Perfectly Flawed
    June 7, 2005
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    thank you for addind this i love the way it looks and sounds


  • malkinpuss
    June 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    hippomilker, thank you for the wonderful comment!


  • hippomilker
    June 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    thats a very good poem i liked it alot great flow and a very deep poem as i was reading it i started out slow but then but then it seemed as if i was racing threw it because it got my heart pumping

  • malkinpuss
    April 29, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    ricochet rabbit...your negative review doesn't bother me in the least. It is impossible to create something EVERYONE would like. Besides this is just one of the many styles I write. I am pleased you felt compelled to comment at all.
    Edited on Apr 29, 8:09 because ''.


  • ricochet rabbit
    April 28, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Too much like fanfic for my liking, and fanfic = uncreative to me. Sorry for such a negative review. Hopefully you will realize this is just an opinion.


  • malkinpuss
    April 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    cvillelisa...thanks for reading...your words mean a lot to me
    Edited on Apr 26, 8:15 p.m. because ''.


  • cvillelisa
    April 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Amazing how Dark and Light are showing up everyone I read lately (including in my own stuff). Well this was kinda fun ... not a usual read for me but I appreciate what you've done with the subject. Good luck in the contesto.

    Lisa


  • malkinpuss
    April 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    BluPoetess thanks for reading!


  • malkinpuss
    April 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    darkestsoul...thank you so much!


  • April Renee
    April 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    “For love!” she screamed
    (with her last living breath)
    “Immortal and alive in death!”


    lovely flow to it. love the ending. nicely penned. enjoyed. good luck in the contest.

    Blu


  • mesmerize me
    April 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    WOW! I was completly blown away.This poem is so great.I love your use of imagery.This is just so wonderful.I am speechless now,just great fuckingoem.


  • malkinpuss
    April 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    DeathsAcrezz...hey thanks !


  • DeathsAcre
    April 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome poem. Very well written and it flowed nicely together. Vampires rock!! Good luck in the contest!!!!!!

  • idiosyncraticme
    April 6, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hey, no problem. I love getting comments like that on my poetry, and your poem really deserved it. It is so awesome.


  • malkinpuss
    April 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    idiosyncraticme, it's comments like yours that make writing all worth while...thanks so much!


  • malkinpuss
    April 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Darke Childe, thanks so much !


  • malkinpuss
    April 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    YerTweetyness, thanks for the wonderful and encouraging comments they mean a lot to me


  • malkinpuss
    April 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks snickerdoodle...much appreciated!

  • malkinpuss
    April 2, 2005
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    anathema13, I'd like to thank you for reqading and the wonderful words of encouragement not to mention the applause!!!


  • malkinpuss
    April 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Sir Dakkon, thank you so much for the wonderful comment and applause!

  • idiosyncraticme
    April 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Gees, this is amazing. A most excellent write. The words you chose just make the poem come alive and draw you into reading it. I loved the rhyming too.

    Destiny and transformation
    Go before a soul’s salvation
    Change is final
    ...unforgiving
    Death is only for the living

    Great stanza. I love it all. Such a beautiful, intricatly woven poem.


  • Violent Serenity
    April 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Brovo! very good!

    WOW, very well written, very discriptive, and the pic was a great touch, it helped paint the pic you wrote in your wonderful words so well in my mind! i really enjoyed this, you are an excellent writter-a natural! keep it up! *CN*


  • April 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Enjoyed this one. I think it is quite beautiful. Nice write!!


  • YerTweetyness
    April 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    In symbiosis they will feed
    ...one so empty
    ...one needing filling
    ...one so hungry
    ...the other willing

    Hmm, this is kind of sexy I REALLy like the way you write! Wow
    Excellent I applaud you
    Yertweetyness


  • Child of Decay
    April 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful...

    Your poem flowed wonderfully, and the gothic style that you used made it especially beautiful. I loved it! Keep up the good work!


  • malkinpuss
    April 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Sir Dakkon, thanks so much!~


  • Lovely Luci
    April 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Bravo

    This was cool. I just really liked the entire poem itself, it had a wonderfull flow, a beautifully dark message to it, and great imagery. I also liked the pic at the beginning. Well done and bravo


  • malkinpuss
    March 27, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Again I thank you for your lovely words of encouragement, Lapis Lazuli


  • Lapis Lazuli
    March 27, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Once again, a fabulous poem! Full of so much imagery and emotion. It is fantastic. You have shown your dedication to your poems once again by choosing a specific image and using the perfect font. The last lines really appeals to me: 'Immortal and alive in death!' The poem flows beautifully. A brilliant write. Keep them coming!


  • malkinpuss
    March 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Immortal Flesh, thanks so much!


  • Immortal Flesh
    March 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Bravo!!!
    this was beautiful and dark blended with great poetry writing.
    This has a theme of gothic thrown in and I just love it!!!


  • malkinpuss
    March 16, 2005
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    momofkaleb, thanks so much for your wonderful words of encoragement!


  • malkinpuss
    March 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    A Lonely Heart, thanks so much for your encouragement!

  • A Lonely Heart
    March 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    i thought is was the best..ur a great writer dont ever stop...ur good at what u do..^_^


  • Pookiebubu
    March 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Very powerful!

    Excellent poem! I love the image, and the subtle rhyming you have used. The form of the poem also adds to the message! Excellent write!
    My only suggestion would be to either make the font bigger or change it to something a bit more readable. It is difficult to read with the bright green on black.
    Thanks for sharing, and good luck!


  • malkinpuss
    March 15, 2005
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    ThreeXsBeautiful Thanks so much!


  • ThreeXsBeautiful
    March 15, 2005
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    Greatly Written

    This poem is breath-taking and greatly written. You have such a talent and best of luck in this contest.


  • malkinpuss
    March 14, 2005
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    Thanks so much Kendra!


  • FlawedSoul
    March 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    great description, tho the text is a wee bit hard to read! very enjoyable tho, excellent flow.

    ~Kendra~


  • malkinpuss
    March 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks so much for the kind words...very appreciated!


  • Allyson Michelle
    March 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    HOw beautiful. This piece is beautiful and refined. The elegance presented here is breathtaking and fullfilling. Absolutely beautiful.


  • malkinpuss
    March 6, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    harlequinne, your words truly honour me and I thank you so much!


  • painted veil
    March 5, 2005
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    i love it soo much when intelligent poets emerge out of the woodwork. i'm not such a fan of dark poetry, but this was by far one of the best examples i've come across. it kept my attention, and i wasn't annoyed by petty descriptions (ha, partly because you didn't have any). i thought that at times, it seemed a little wordy- but it fits the feeling of the poem. cheers, kat


  • malkinpuss
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    AlternativeSONG, thanks so much for your praise and words of encouragement!

  • YourBestNightmare69
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    creative and fresh - 10/10!!!

    Truely enchanting! so amazed and satisfied for clicking-
    fresh and creative poem, awakened in the depths of the night...oh, truely enchanting and aesthetic descriptions, vivid - you should feel proud of your fruitful efforts- this deserves gold indeed! I need to read more of your work! WOW! I can see the scene so clearly, you've awakened every scent- completely captured the soul of Gothic Poetry, oh, so amazing!
    thou must never drop thy talent,
    *AlternativeSONG*

  • malkinpuss
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Sinnerwounds, wow...thanks so much for the encouragement your kind words fired me in me...and it made me feel greattoo!


  • malkinpuss
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Jaggalo Sadi, thanks so much for your kind words! You made my day!!!

  • Chronic Syndromes
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Remarkable!

    The flow of this peice is breath taking. A perfect picture of nightfall and two wonderfully entwining fates was left pounded into my head. When you get something that vivid, it has to be good! Keep up this style, and you see my comments more often. Fantastic creation!


  • TheMechanicalAngel
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing!Holy crap wowzers and lots of other stuff that I just cant seem to think of.
    (yeah eloquent just went out the window but what can I say,your poem has me speechless!)
    Its beautiful! I loved the rhyme scheme and the word usage! This is wonderful!
    I wish you the best of luck in the contest!


  • Sensual Sapphire
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    You are most welcome I enjoyed the read so thank YOU!


  • malkinpuss
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This was the most awesome comment because you caught so many details I was aiming for!!!! Thanks!


  • malkinpuss
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks so much KatSanchez!
    Edited on Mar 05, 1:28 because 'typo'.


  • malkinpuss
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow...you totally honored me...thanks!

  • Sensual Sapphire
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    No they'd just scream. I liked this. There was something about the way you put all this together that made it better than the sum of it's parts. I love the font it's sexxy. You can see this unfold before your eyes. Marvelous job with this one you could sense everything.


  • malkinpuss
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks .... cool!


  • KatSanchez
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Your beautiful words have entranced me. Great write.


  • malkinpuss
    March 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hey True Love Gal...I am so glad you liked it! Thanks


  • True Love Gal
    March 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This was a cool poem, you did a very nice job with it. Keep up the good work.


  • malkinpuss
    March 1, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    small town loser, Thanks so much for reading and for the accolades too!


  • malkinpuss
    March 1, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    small town loser, Thanks so much for reading and for the accolades too!


  • malkinpuss
    March 1, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    rushdelivery...hey thanks!

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