In dark caverns the gremlins meet
Beneath a waning palled moon,
An angel weeps in sad defeat
With evil she will couple soon.
The blood is let,the runes are cast,
Bats screech upon the cold night air,
And ancient spells from times long past
Will call the demon from his lair.
Laid naked on the ancient stone
Inverted cross lies on her form.
The groping hands will make her moan
Tonight to evil she'll transform.
A virgin maid with thoughts so pure
Was born to stand in purest light.
Their cunning craft her heart did lure
To darkest caverns of the night.
From the altar smoke spirals rise
On the air the sound of thunder,
Whimpering, pleading are her cries,
Now the rock is split asunder.
A demon with Adonis face,
Sultry smile of pure temptation,
She feels his hands upon her thighs
And screams with passion's exultation.
Euphoric voyage on passion's wind,
She kneels before the lord of dark.
And she will rise her soul defiled,
On her breast she wears the mark.
Dark angel's wings are ebony
As last white plume falls to the ground
She gives her lord the pledge of blood
With him forever she is bound.
Author notes
Written February 27th, 2005
A contest entry
- anything and everything, just entertain me by Luciferschild.
800 points, ended January 27, 124 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 82 of 82
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Weird, interesting and even original, hell i even liked the premise. The only criticism is the rhymes seem a bit forced but not enough to interfere with the flow of the poem, thank you for entering and i will definitely look back at this one
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Out of words
the best iv read in a long time. its very deep i like it!
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Great poem... my favorite stanza:
From the altar smoke spirals rise
On the air the sound of thunder,
Whimpering, pleading are her cries,
Now the rock is split asunder.
Thanks for entering my contest and good luck
~Lumin
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Masterblaster ---
Thank you so much for entering my contest.
Wow.. this poem was... wow. it was interesting, and really really original as well. i loved it, I loved how you took a pure angel and turned her dark with temptation and such items. I loved the flow of this, and the picture was incrediable. Great work, as always 
Thank you for entering.
Good Luck in the contest,
Take Care,
x PatientGrace x
Jasmine
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Hi, thanks a million, hugs Di
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creepyness
WOW! First...i LOVED the picture, second...I loved the poem, it has rythem, it flows nicely and i love the rhyming scheme...you did great, third...its really creepy when you put it all together. loved it! thank you for sharing this -
Hi, thanks a million, hugs Di
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WOW AWESOME poem Loved the rhyming and slide show in my head I also loved the picture it reminded me of someone on Champions Of Norrath lol Again you get Kudos for Instant inspiration (I will give you xtra points after the contest in case you also place)
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WOW!!!! Awesome piece!!!
Thanks for entering, Goodluck.
Best Wishes
(¯`•.Tracey.•´¯)
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wow i really liked the emotion you put into this great job
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Hi, thanks a million, hugs Di
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amaizing!
i can't think of anything better to say besides...WOW!!!!!THAT'S SOOOOOOO AWESOME!!!!! YOU'RE SO TALENTED!!!! WOW!!!!!keep it up!
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Hi, thanks a million, hugs Di
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really good and very well written! love the imagery. good luck in competition!
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That...was...amaxing! I love it. It was vivid, vibrant, the imagery was stunning, and, and *chokes on a piece of pita, gasps for air* well yeah, it was just INTENSE. but it was beautiful in its dark way, enchanting and haunting. the rhyme sheme (i personally hardly ever rhyme) worked very well, and was...just..stunning. yeah. i'm out of words ^.^ beautiful work. i have to admit it was the title that drew me in...for obvious reasons
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Hi, thanks a million, glad you liked it, hugs, Di
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OH MY GOD. I wish I was that good. Great job, I especially loved the ending about the contract.
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Hi again what would you suggest on that line, not many rhyming words to fit the situation, hugs
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Hi David, I wonder if I will ever do anything right, lol, thank you, hugs Di
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The first stanza of this poem uses a lot of reverse adjectives... so many that it sounds a little unnatural.
"caverns dark," "cave stark"
I would try avoiding putting too many of these together.
Good imagery however. interesting plot! -
Excellent
I love fantasy stuff, this was exceptionally a good write. Love this! -
WOW
AMAZING! The imagery was so very vivid, well formed with an excellent flow throughout! This was such a well articulated and powerful write! Dark and beautiful! You truly have done an amazing job here! Good luck in the contest as well!
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this is great. i like it a lot and the rhymes and flow are perfect. also, the story in this poem is sad and dark. thanks for entering. good luck!
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very well done, i can tell that you are one of the more experienced writers.. good luck this poem was very powerful and the words were choice
-A.o.D -
Hi, thanks a million, It's good to see we are competing again, I'm sportive lol, hugs Di
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Nah-ha-ha! We meet again...once more face to face in the contest ring
Really though...this is an excellent poem...you never disappoint! Good luck in the contesr
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*sigh* From a poet to another poet, in this contest in which we both decided to inclue our poems, in which the creator so wish to read. I must say, that your poem is bewitching, and also that it's so well organized. While mine, if I do say so myself, was quite sloppy. I do so hope you get good marks, from the creators of this contest.
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The rhyming is close to perfect, and I rarely say that. You really know how to rhyme where it is smooth flowing and does not detract from the image. Speaking of imagery, there is no lack of explosive mindplay here. this is overall a well done peice Di.
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Hi, thanks a million, I have just posted Dark Angel part 2 Damion, hugs Di
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this poem is writen so perfect..man..i love those words and how you used them..its an awsome..you better keep writing!
Edited on Apr 21, 2:09 p.m. because 'spelled something wrong'. -
Hi, thanks a million glad you liked it, hugs Di, ps it is part of a trilogy the third I hope to finish soon.
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Hi thanks for your support I had a very rough ride from that person and it came with a lot of insults,it hurt but some people are very small minded, thanks a million, hugs Di
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beautiful write Di as always hun .. very nicely penned .. enjoyed it immensely
keep the ink flowing hun
~Aimee
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This is so incredibly seductive and beautiful. I was enchanted and awed at this piece. I loved the imagery and the creative originality mirrored in this piece. Beautiful writeand an even more incredible read. Thanks so much for entering!
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It looks like it's a piece has been cutted from the threads of darkness, an excellent imagery especially on that line
"His bluest eyes now smile temptation"
and the poem has been rhymed well, great job. -
Wow, that was a pretty heated post that one person left you -- but nonetheless...it doesn't take away from the integrity of the work itself. I personally think that if something is good enough to win multiple contests, then why bother changing the inevitable. If people are not going to give you gold just because you've won other cometitions, then something's wrong...isn't this supposed to be a site about poetry? Not whether someone has won previous contests or not. Judging is supposed to be based on whether the poem deserves to win or not.
Whatever way you look at it, this was a very impressive work, indeed. Good Job. -
I think this was really well-written. The imagery you chose really served to highlight the overall darkness of the piece.
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Hi, No offense at all, I love your points system good idea,all the best with the comp. hugs, Di
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no no no masterblaster I reread what I wrote and it sounded awful. I simply meant it seemed like people hurt you a lot... not a fact just a pure thought ... I got from your poem. I'm sorry. I did not mean to sound in any way offensive.
- Ativan -
Hi, thanks a million, wreckless no, I could never be that in the job I do, hurt easyly, not easyly but hate people who hurt for the pure joy of it,so your test on me failed sorry my friend,lol, hugs Di
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I loved the poem- it was very good- you are a very talented poet. I got the feeling you are very wreckless and easily hurt... just a side thought but I loved the poem and it was very good! - Ativan
-these stats do not reflect judgment- (1- out of 10 - ten being best)
flow- 7
appeal- 5
professional- 8
unique- 8
emotional- 5
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Excellent
Visual dark and powerfully woven and excellent write painting many chilling visuals of a mastermind, written with deep thought into such detail as your words have reach, awesome poem. -
this is awesome
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Hi thanks a million the other poem that goes with this is The death of innocence, you will find it on my page, hugs Di
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that has to be the best poem ive read today!, flow was amazing, and it was so active you wanna keep reading it.
Very good poem indeed.
Tasha~ -
Wow .. vivid imagery .. beautifully penned and flows effortlessly .. well done .. this is a great poem
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WOAH111 LOVED IT!!! and the image went so well with it...awesome aweomse awesome! well done
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excellent
Very dark in expression. Well written .Good imagery
Thank you for sharing..... -
Wow, I love the dark feeling of this poem. And the authors comments just made it all the more chilling...
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Hi Tumbleweed, thanks a million, hugs Di
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This so intense! The imagery is so vivid, and the flow and rhythm are perfect. I love the feel of this. Absolutely brilliant
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Hi Jaggalo Sadi, thanks a million, hugs, Di
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Oh Letdown I see you are a GREAT fan of rhyme,you spluttered your critique so well my friend,so sweet of you.
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Beautiful.Absolutely wonderful. I love the imagry,the word usage,the scene that takes place in my mind.
Great write. Best of luck in the contest. -
midnight splendor
Adonis, Anon, Quiver, Lia, the words sputtered forth, though and mine, moonshine midnight pine, Stone of Lime, temptress time, your words:rhyme -
Wow, this flows so beautifuly. It has a wonderful rythm too. Great details, and word pictures. Great write!
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lovely poem
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Di, This poem is so awesome... As always, I love the details... You are such an awesome poet... I hope you keep up the good work!!
Hugs,
Beth -
Outstanding
Very well done, as usual. I was going to make a comment on the "lure" line, but decided that the wording worked either way. (Not the same suggestion as made before). Anyway, very credible poem. The imagery is what you might expect with such a subject. The metre and rhyming scheme both lent themselves well to the overall effect. Thank you so much for sharing.
Rheeta-Lou -
wow that was fantastic... great poem.... i really hope u do great in the contest
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great
I read this earlyer and thought it was very good,keep up the great work,...and I look forward to reading more of your poems...............................................................be well. -
Very dark... your meter and flow are excellent. Captivating, for a rhyming piece of work.
Enjoyed it, good luck in the contest.
~ Wendy
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Hi poetress thanks a million ,hugs Di
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That was awesome. I'm always up for new topics and styles of writing and this one caught my attention. It was very descriptive but was still easy to read and captivating. You are a very talented writer and I hope to read more of your writings.
~V~ -
awesome, thats just about says it
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Hi Annie, thanks a million for great critique and applause, hugs Di
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You did wonderful with this, all the pieces came together beautifully, to form an amazing write, this is perfect for the contest...you have so much talent! All the best Di, Great work once again!!!!!!! Excellent, Love and hugs, Annie
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that was brilliant your words came to life and I felt so sorry for her. A great imaginary piece. Mia
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Hi there, thanks a million and for the applause,big hug Di
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Thank you , dark is dark you cannot write of little fluffy bunnies in dark, I do write childrens poems on fairies take a look when you have a minute they are fluffy. thanks for pointing out typing error,lure stays as it is permitted in poetry to do a turn round,victorian but is accepted. hugs Di
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Wonderful
Okay, let me first say WOW! That totally blew my mind! I was in to that poem from start to finish. It was gorgeous, and the words you chose fit it perfectly AND made it flow well. I loved the images that it brought to mind, they were beautiful. Good luck in the contest, and if I had more applauds, I'd give you one. Oh heck, I'll return tomorrow to give an applaud to this. Great job, and I look forward to reading more. -
man, what's with the demon rape poems - i just read another one from the feature box. maybe i should have guessed from the title, huh?
anyhow, your skill is very apparent here, perfect rhythm and rhyme, nothing too forced (well you said "did lure", maybe you can find a better way for that one), and some good imagery.
i think you mean "accepts" in line 4 of stanza 6.
weird topic, to my way of thinking, but you did a credible job with it. good stuff. -
great.
This is great dark writeing and I found the wording in this to be great,...I will like to read more of your dark writeing keep up the great work......................................................be well.blessed be, -
Hiya, thanks a million, was typing like a demented gremlin as comp closes in a few hours, thanks for pointing it out, hugs Di
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Very nice and very desciptive,this peice is wonderful.
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I like this one it was really good. Another great one that rhymed! Haha anyway...I haven't really seen you writing too much dark poetry, but this one was good. It's good to be dark once in awhile, and bright and happy once in awhile, and then random or whatever you like once in awhile. Good job I like it a lot!
Perfectdrummer -
first of all in the second stanza the word "the" is written twice..just wanted to let you know about it.. But the poem is beautifully satanic..not that satan is beautiful..lol But the poem is. I love the last stanza , I got the best mental image of a demonic wedding or joining. Wonderful write. "She feels his hands upon her thighs And smiling excepts his penetration" You can tell she had an evil bone to start with if she is smiling while fornicating with a demon. lol Great Write! loved it!
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I love dark poetry. This was full of great descriptive imagery, it put me inside the poem. This was a wonderful write. Thanks for sharing it
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Hi Whisper Moon Shadow, just thought it was time to write another dark,thanks a million hugs, Di
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Hi Smidge glade you liked it. thank you very much, and for the applause. Di
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this is beyond incredable. i could see, feel, hear all the comotion that was going on. you are definatly one I can learn from. thank you for posting one of the most incredable poems of the darkness that I have ever seen.. Never stop writing.!
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This is incredibly descriptive, and the meter is so organized Wonderful work, and keep writing
~Smidge~ 
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