Thank you! Oh! Thank you!
I can hardly conjugate verbs!
I feel so horny!
And this statue -
it's so suspiciously phallic!
Oh, thank you again!
I just want everyone
to bow down before me and accept
that even in my wildest hallucinations,
I never would have fantasized
that this could ever help me
get laid so much.
And to the
other closeted homosexual nominees,
I want each of you to know
how totally mega-pumped
your crushing defeat
makes me feel right now!
You know when they first told me
I was a God on Earth,
I just had to take an epidural
and obsess about how
unaesthetic my thighs have been.
I guess it all just
makes me feel kinda special
You know,
there are so many ass-kissing
Napoleon Complex-suffering studio execs
to thank!
First off though,
I want to bitch slap
the self-congratulatory circle jerks
of the Academy,
who looked deep within
their lint-encrusted navels
before giving me this fantastic award!
Also, I want to thank Zeus,
for being such
a powerful force in my loins.
And to the
hooker with the heart of gold,
who taught me
to take life by the balls.
And finally,
to all the Producers
I slept with -
I couldn't have done it without you!
Thank you America,
now kiss my ass
and good night!
Bronze trophy winner
Adding your comment:
I thought this was a very clever write. I was smiling the whole way through 
. Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest! 
7 old applause
