Roistering through the city streets,
Whistling merrily along --
Tapping feet in measured beats
Accompanying my cheery song ...
I saw a gaunt and homeless child
Begging in the streets for bread --
On each side, heedless strangers filed
With conscience slumbering, or fled.
"Please, sir, grant me a trifling boon,"
The starving gamin cried --
I said, "Go hear your mother croon;"
He said, "Oh no! She died."
I delved deep in my pocket,
Pulled out a knife and comb,
Some money and a silver locket ...
Mementos of my own lost home.
I pried the faded picture from it,
Gave coins and locket to the boy --
My song resumed, I tried to hum it
As his pinched face lit up with joy.
Then, dancing gladly on my way,
I left him to the whims of fate --
I can't right all Earth's wrongs today.
Perhaps tomorrow. Sure, they'll wait.
* Re "Piping Down the Valleys Wild,"
with apologies to William Blake
Author notes
This poem is a parody on Blake's "Piping Down The Valleys Wild", found here: http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/52-William-Blake-Piping-Down-the-Valleys-Wild
I think he would have liked it.
Written February 27th, 2005
A contest entry
- ~Be inspired by stunning classical writing. PW by ladame.
500 points, ended June 18, 2008, 2 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - RAoK by RedAquarius.
450 points, ended June 23, 2008, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme and Flow part 9 Feelings - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended September 7, 2008, 50 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Re Write A Well Knowing Poem by Uniquely-Scarred.
1775 points, ended October 31, 2008, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Long Walks on the Beach by Judith Chandler.
930 points, ended November 27, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 56 of 56
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"I can't right all earth's wrongs today." That's a great line. I recognized the Blakean tone right away. Enjoyed your write. Thank you for submitting it.
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superb with honesty, maturity and class. I applaud you sir. Thank you for pointing me here. 
~Pamela 
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No better poet than Blake to emulate. I like your write and it made me realize how much our world is like his. Good luck with the contest.
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wow glad i let pre-writes in on this
hi i love your rewrite, i would say yours had more imagery and i would also say more emotion, however the contrast in rhymne in the two pieces has to be wb strenth in this piece, i liked it (your piece) i think you gave the writer more information but not enough for the brain to fight with the understanding of metaphor ect, all and all this piece is really good, dare i say great!! thanks for doing the rewrite of that piece, it is a new piece to me and i realy enjoyed the lyrical fell of it, take care and best of luck in my contest
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Thank you for your entry in the contest. A wonderful poem that was a joy to read.
Congratulations on the HM, well deserved.
Sue and Jeff
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beautifully composed and totally charming
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I got such a kick out of this parody. I literally bounced in my chair as I read it. Great choice for the contest, IMHO. Thanks bunches!
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Thanks. ;)
I'm glad you liked it.
Thanks for the shiny Silver trophy too.
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Very nice parody - much prefered to that of Mr Blake.
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This poem is a treasure. It combines elements of Blake's Piping Down the Valleys with Hartley's Bite Bigger.Another good effort. Keep typing.
Jim -
Hi ecrivain I was referring to this comment: > Do you mean that there has been a book published, with a forward, with your poem in it, which has not been credited to you? If you contact that publisher, they HAVE to credit you if they publish another edition, and also pay you for your permission to publish your poem this time.
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p.s. you can contact the publisher of the book with your poem in the forward and they must acknowledge (and pay) you in the next edition, and pay for use of your poem in this one. Should be about £50.00.
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Hello ecrivain, thank you so much for entering my competition. My daughter is a BIG fan of Blake, and I love Tyger Tyger, but I'm not such a big fan.. This is beautifully and accurately written, it has a worthwhile message, it speaks to the heart. It does not quite follow my rules (I asked for the poem to fit the form of the original exactly) and it has one to many verses but it comes close! Very enjoyable,
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Oh. There's no problem with you printing it out and keeping it, as long as you credit me as the author. I have gotten one of my own poems in a forward, and it wasn't attributed to me, so I wonder how many other people kept it with "anonymous" as the author?
Thanks for the kind words. -
This is truly amazing. If I didn't have this glowing screen in front of me, I would swear that I just finished reading a poem out of a dusty poem book found in my grandmother's attic! I hope you wouldn't mind me printing this out to put in my scrapbook of favourite poems. ^-^;; I do so love this! My sincerest apologizes for not being here to close or judge my own contest. Affairs of the mind called and I found myself away from everything for a good two weeks. If I could've had two first places and was here to judge (meaning no offense to the wonderful gold winner) I belive this to be first place <3
Thank you so much for entering, and thank you so much for sharing this perfect write! -
Masterfully done. This is very impressive and smooth. Fantastic piece!
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Of course you can put it on that page if you like. Sorry I didn't see this earlier.
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Jim, this is wonderful! I can see why the picture on my author page reminds you of it as I'm sitting there with a dirty face and cup in my hand. I could not have been more than four years old in that picture, possibly younger. My brother looks like an urchin, too. Mom made him wear the stocking cap because he had a double crown which made his black hair stick up in an unruly cowlick. She never did tame it! But he never seemed to mind. To this day, he is the most aimiable person I have ever known. There isn't a mean thought in him!
Thank you so much for sharing this write. I would love to put it on that page....If you will allow it.
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This poem is beautiful, I love it. I love the feeling it gives me. Even though this poem has nothing to do with me, I feel like a saint just from reading it.
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wow... that seems very deep. i loved the imagvry and the flow great write
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Mmm... Some familiar ideas in this piece . A pleasant read.
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This is a really beautiful and heartwarming poem. It makes me happy to read even a poem of such a good deed. Thanks much for entering my contest and good luck.
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congratulations
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Congratulations!!
This was so well written and an interesting story to boot. -
While reading this, I kept thinking of how much it sounded like Blake, and voila! It is Blake-inspired. You wrote this very well, and the meter flows effortlessly. I really enjoyed reading this piece as there was a clear story, crisp language, and meter, to boot! I'm a fan.
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"roistering through the city streets"
is a ballad that surely meets
stringent standards for calling poetry great
glad to have read it, glad to have met! -
I delved deep in my pocket,
Pulled out a knife and comb,
Some money and a silver locket...
Mementos of my own lost home.
I really like this stanza the best. It brings back memories. -
Not only am I not rich, I'm clear at the opposite end of that spectrum.
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APPLAUSE WORTHY
Your rhyme and meter were fine, but if the truth is said in your poems message, I think you were half-hearted. I agree with the last lines, but man, I feel so horribly for the poor boy.
Wait. After re-reading your poem, I must take back my horrid comments. I now realize that you didn't give the boy just your change, you gave him YOU. Or at least, a part of you. The locket he could pawn to eat, and the coins he could use right away. No where in your poem did you state you were rich, so yes, thank you. Your poem was so complex with such a simple message, that multiple reads were needed to fully comprehend them.
Still waters run deep, and my, isn't your surface just a mirror?
"I can't right all Earth's wrongs today."
But I'll do what I possibly can.
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well done truly enjoyed this sometimes we all try to take the world on but baby steps are even progress i enjoyed the inner struggle here of whether to give forth to the boys misfortune as so many refused, well done
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This was an absolute pleasure. You crafted this masterfully. You really have. I am very impressed. It's so dreadfully true of the society that we now live, unless people think someone is watching them and making mental note of what they do or how they respond, many in our society are totally indifferent, uncaring and even oblivious. It's funny how that isn't the case though if they see or suspect that someone has their eyes on them. You did a very commendable job here. Thank you for showing me this way.
♥ Kimberly -
Great piece of poetry...thanks for sharing, congrates...bravo!
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Hi, another super one from you, but I knew it would be,all the best in the comp you have my applause, hugs Di
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Just curious if you are saying you don't like rhyme, or if you are saying my rhyming was bad and it distracted you?
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I usually don't enjoy rhyme, but I found this one more enhancing than distracting and I genuinely enjoyed reading this poem. I have never read that particular poem of Blake's, so I do not know where this was derived from. At any rate, I love the story and it makes me happy to think that there may be somebody out there who would still give money to a starving child.
--Ivy
Edited on Jul 27 because ''. -
Awesome write!
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Well, it's really how many people are, you know? I have seen it many times in my life. Unless they think people are watching, they are indifferent and uncaring. If they think somebody important is watching, then they change. (Except at Xmas -- then a lot of people are more into the spirit of the holidays and more willing to help others.)
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Wonderfully written Jim! I really enjoyed this...the whole times I just kept seeing skin and bones...especially in the people who kept walking...
Peace, Kelly -
Actually, it has been published, in the Neovictorian/ Cochlea, in 2004. That's the only place, though, other than here.
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Such a tale this tells! You did a fantastic job of writing! No need to apologize to Mr. Blake! It's publishable good!
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aw, this was great!well done, you write great!Keep it up!
Alea -
Wow, this was great. I really liked this piece and enjoyed reading it. You have done a wonderful job writing this, almost could feel like I was there. Great job and thank you for sharing it.
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Thank you. I really appreciate the kind words and the trophy. Too bad I can't put it on my mantel (even though I don't have one). I'll bed you'd like Michael Burch's traditional poetry website, The Hypertexts.
http://www.thehypertexts.com/
If you do check it out, I have a sonnet in the middle of page Mysterious Ways (in case you might like to check that out).
Thanks again,
Jim Dunlap -
A poem as lovely in its own right as it is a perfect satire. The message is clear without being overpowering, and you have clearly understood the poem you are satirizing. An intelligent parody is always a fine thing to read!
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this was really really good, well done. The poem just flowed and you have very cleverly incorperated a really heavy and powerful message into such a tingled tune.Your poem is beautifully constructed.
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Outstanding
Actually Jim, I think Blake would be proud of your accomplishment, this is well polished, Fantastic imagery and meter, Bravo! blessings, Sandi
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i like this, it tells a nice little story. i am not familiar with the poem of which you parodied.
honestly i'm not much of a poetry reader in general.
and i do not kno if its me of if it is because of it being a parody. but the meter got skewed in the fifth stanza for me. it was rolling along real smooth but i got tripped up on that one.
it may just be me. i do not know how close you were following the other poem as far as meter.
but i enjoyed the story very much. and it has alot to say about society in general. the system.
i used to help ppl in need. but then it got to be, im blind, no one helps me. i suppose there are all specific sictuaions to every man circumstance. but genreally, i like to think i am a better judge of common man than our goverment.
poignant little piece. very well done. -
wow
awesome wow don't have words to disribe it bbut wow -
Blake would be so proud to see talent and audacity wed.Good job.
Tecohe -
This is wonderful! Your imagery is perfect as I was able to put myself into the write with ease...I think the one thing I have to say about this that really doesn't have a lot to do with the actual write is just the fact that I am glad that the one character stopped and paid attention to the child...So often in this society your line "On each side, heedless strangers filed" is all too true.
Tory Lin
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Cool poem. Brilliant flow and rhyme with a positive real message delivered without patronising the reader but still having humor in it. Great job
Big Respect
Jack -
this is so neat-i felt like it could be a scene in a movie the way you covered detail yet the messgae vague enough for my own imagination
wonderful piece
ash♥ -
OOOO yay! This was refreshing. I loved it ! It was kind of sad though and made me all teary at the thought of such a child being all alone in the world. But this was awesome!
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I really like the idea of this. You capture the sympathy Blake had for children, while presenting a subtle satire... the children of the world don't live on clouds, and money is unfortunately needed more than piped songs.
The archaicism detracted for me a little... it diminished the realism. The word accompanying frustrates me generally, that "ee-ing" always tosses off my read; the hard ending of "tomorrow", together with the period before sure created another slight metrical anomalie for me. The iambic pattern conflicted with the strong tendency to make it "per-haps/ to-mor-row./ Sure./ They'll wait." This may just be my funky mood, I think it might resolve better than I'm crediting.
A well thought out poem.
Brian -
I think Blake, himself would have loved this one.This flows like water, clear water.Also the bittersweet tale is timless in it's message.This is simply perfect for this contest, best of luck with this masterfull piece.Rob
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This was fantastic. I haven't read Blake's poem, but I will try! I like all 'old school poetry' and I hope you do well in the contest with this piece. It sends out a positive and heartwarming message that you helped the boy and made me smile at your kindness. Lovely rhyming as well, not forced, it just flowed nicely.
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