Outside and sleep-deprived
watching the day emerge
as the sunshine flavored darkness evaporates
with the moon
and dogs singing lunar tunes
vanish with the night.
Outside and alone
the wind hits me
as sharp as a wooden spoon
Splish Splash, my tears fall
It's another Black and Blue Tuesday...
Author notes
Written February 26th, 2005
A contest entry
- Five Lines by Unique.
300 points, ended March 5, 2005, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I do not have an easy time incorporating other people's words into my own, which is why I am proud of anyone who can assimilate them and make those words their own. This is what I call "tragic beauty", a meshing of poetic creativity mixed with a grave amount of sadness. The second stanza makes me think of you walking in the rain, perhaps even crying. I think the way you added image is spectacular, also.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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You paint quiet a morbid picture with your words. I entered the contest with a poem with five lines only. I would have expounded more had I know it could be any length as long as it included the five lines, but that's okay. This is very well weitten. I love the sense of sadness you release here.
Renee ♥ -
Wow..I really liked this work. It really seemed to hit home with me. The alone...being outside...tears...
"Outside and alone
the wind hits me
as sharp as a wooden spoon
Splish Splash, my tears fall" Been there.
Great write!
Jason
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I like the way you put this together.
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hey there Ashlee! thanks for your comment on my contest poem!
and you did quite a good job with yours too! keep up the good work hehe
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Ha! Well, it wouldn't let me underline them. (Sorry.) Thanks for your comment!! I really appreciate it.
Love, Ashlee
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Oh, I liked this, way better than the one I wrote! It really does all fit together making it fun to read and easy. I guess no one is going to underline the five lines, tisk! Keep up the good work, and thanks for the entry--Ann
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Oh Ashlee, this is so sad, and very amazing! Your description in this, oh my, this is amazing, dogs sining in lunur tunes, and the end you can hear the tears, Excellent! I think you have a winner it, very impressive! Love ya, Annie > ,
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That's good! It all fits together, even though you had to use specific phrases. My favorite part is the last 2 lines, but I like the whole thing. Good luck in the contest, I love this poem!
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