The sun had seemed to go away
All I saw was white
The sky was gray just like your eyes
For they had lost their light
You moved your mouth with gentle grace
Snow blew by your face
Your words, they were like daggers
Daggers trimmed with lace
I don't remember why you left
Your words fell on deaf ears
My tears had blurred my vision
Your eyes confirmed my fears
You turned your head and left me
The snow blew strongly by
I watched you blend in with the snow
I gave a heavy sigh
This sigh was not one of relief
But one of pain and sorrow
The pain that you had gone away
And would stay gone tomorrow
I stared into the empty sky
The snow then slowed its pace
My love has ended with the snow
That once had filled this place.
Author notes
Another contest for this one. I hope you all enjoy it. Oh, and please... if you comment... just for my health, avoid only putting the fact that you liked the line "Daggers trimmed with lace"... at this point... I have a feeling it was good. Look for something else in it. (I don't really mind if you do... just... don't only do that)
Life is journey that is worthless without love so hold on to it while you can, don't let it go...
Written February 24th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Let the best poet win! by Norman Crabtree.
675 points, ended January 23, 2007, 107 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *** Chat Helpers ONLY Contest # 1 *** by Kari.
450 points, ended July 4, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Depression ( Make It Worth My While ) by EMOverlord.
1600 points, ended August 20, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write about anything you want. by Deaths Prayer.
750 points, ended August 25, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The best you got! by izzy1804.
725 points, ended September 7, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything And Everything! by lesbian-in-love.
900 points, ended September 15, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Mania by whispernthedark.
2975 points, ended September 11, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - broken and alone... by pieces.of.me..
400 points, ends December 15, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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this was really good
and the feelin of abandonment is all to familiar to me.
good luck in the contest
-liz -
Nice imagery you have presented here, very well written, thank you for entering.
♥
whisper
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This was really good. Thanks for entering and best of luck!
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Beautiful imagery....beautiful poem. Good luck.
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beautifully flawless ^_^ i love the imagery.
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I like the line "daggers trimmed with lace"...it's very profound.
LOL Just kidding <3
I couldn't help it!
ily
This is sad though
You're gonna win
LOL
You wish
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Such deep imagery in this piece... a lot of my friends have commented it already
I think it's great! You are a truly talented soul, and I wish I could get to know you more before you leave I am fascinated by snow and snow poetry, so this is truly touching. Wonderful job 
!! ~ Kerri
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awwwwwww I loved this piece..it was deep
I really enjoyed reading it. The best of luck to you in the contest!
Kari -
thank you for entering my contest!
this was a decent read and a very good poem, thanking for sharing this and making me think about holding on to my love.
The sky was gray just like your eyes
i preferred this line to the daggers one. -
wow
it paints a picture, and you see everything happening like its a silent movie, when I read it I saw it all in black and white, and it saddened me more than poems usually do...
a beautiful write, the unmentionable line was good too, but the poem was fantastic.
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this is a good piece of poetry i find which you have written here with some style, it holds a nice gentle rhythm to the poem and the flow is very nice indeed. i thank you very much indeed for sharing your poetic talent. i enjoyed reading it with my eyes. i wish that you have good luck in the contest you have entered. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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"Daggers trimmed with lace" and the end were just captivating! shivering in the snowflakes left by this one still. your poem left me with a chill:
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well for once someone that said thier own poem was good was right
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awwww...this is sad and quite beautiful!!! It flows smooth and lightly and I can relate to it!!! Great job baby!!!!
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This is really one of the most brilliant poems i have ever read on this site! Gawd! you really got my attention! I love the way you potray the pains of a love lost! You really impress me! I am sorry about the fact that you were hurt by the one you loved....I know true love will find you someday, just keep on being sincere! wonderful piece!...........Kingsley
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I liked how you talked about her grey eyes, looking like the sky, that put a really pretty picture in my head.
"My tears had blurred my vision"
That's how I cry, because I just don't want tears to fall, so they stay in my eyes and blur my vision. I liked relating to that.... Another good poem.
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wow.
wow i like this so much
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this is really good, i like the flow and the feeling. however, i feel that the meter is lost at times. and i lost my train of thought...o well
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nice write. i enjoyed reading it!!!
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Awesome
This is AMAZING!!! it alomst brought tears to my eyes i love all the description it makes me picture it so well.... Great Job.... this is one of the best poems i have read... -
good
Differnt. Good -
Well expressed sentiments here, good rhyme and rhythm. Love certainly helps make one's journey through life more enjoyable.
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daggers trimmed with lace...great image
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i like this poem a lot. it was very well written. i loved the flow. nicley done. keep up the great work.
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I will give you an A for all the good work you have done here,
this might help -when your writing about your self drop the I because your all ready in the poem just a thought--kirby -
I think this is awesomely written, my friend! Wow! You have a fine talent for writing! Keep on keepin' on and I hope to one day read your words in a book of verse! Very much enjoyed! Wow! (again
My best to you! Sandy aka angelofgod
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Hey man, thanks for your application for APTP3. There are still many more applications to read through, and still several days of open lines but we have noted your name as a possibility.
I enjoyed the beat you pertained in several spots here. Also, the last few lines were really amazing. I feel with a touch more of imagery, you will be incredible.
We shall keep in touch.
Best of luck and wishes.
Justin -
Superb, This is brilliant, I think you should be placed with this, it is awesomely brilliant, even I cant ritw like this!!!
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This was amazing. You put in words what I felt when my first love left me. Awsome write!
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Good luck in my contest XX
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Seyloren - this is wicked. I love the imagery of snow - fragile and temporary. Such a pretty poem. :-)
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Woah. This was... amazing. Perfect rhyme scheme, perfect picture you painted. Wow... amazing. I don't care what epitome thinks, this is amazing.
x.x Becca -
I appreciate you’ve tried to employ a rhyme-scheme. However, I don’t appreciate the fact it’s not consistent. The meter seems fairy consistent, though: 4 metrical feet on the first line (tetrameter), 3 metrical feet on the second (Trimeter), 4 on the third, and 3 on the fourth. It does depend on how one reads it, of course. I can’t be bothered going in to accented and non-accented syllables (I doubt you’d have used them intentionally anyway). In terms of graphology, the piece actually looks like a poem (the quatrains probably do that)... which is nice. I haven’t really read it properly; I’ve just looked at a few features. I don’t know what it’s about. I’m sure it’s super; I’m not applauding you, though.
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holy jeez ass Sey! my god that was good! and apperantly others thought so too! jeez ass how many applauded it? i thought it was great! it was brought together well! the flow was great. the wording was killer! keep it up hun!!!!
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i loved this poem it ryms alot and its cool plez read butterflies kises on mine plez!
good luck from ERIN -
Oooo... I love the poem, Sey! *makes out with*
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Excellence Prevails in this
This is a really good poem, interesting write you got here, thanks for sending me the link through the chatroom. I like reading new writes from people I haven't had the pleasure of knowing yet. I think you have great imagery and you possess a very much greatness to your talent here. Challenging to the heart. You possess alot of deepness in your writes. I like it very much so!! Keep it coming!!
Nice to meet you.
Marianne aka stormigrl -
This was a great write.. I'm speechless... of course with a write like this there are no words that could do this justice..
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It deserves it!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOLY CRAP SEY!!!! I'm officially jealous...
<333 Citrus
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nice write very emotional thanks for entering my contest good luck *jordan**
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Very clear and focused flow, very enchanting, it's almost like a story, but in shorter form. I love your poetry, they always seem to have so mush depth and imagery, simply lovely.
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man that was a freakin awesome poem! such emotion and...oh my it got me so excited...i ...wow..have a loss for words! it blew me away it really did! It was so amazing!
<3 chelsea -
Sick!
Holy shit, that poem is amazing! You got so many applauses on it too! lol, nice job kiddo! -
Congrats on winning first place!!
~CryingOutLoud~ -
Congrats on winning first place!!
~CryingOutLoud -
I really enjoyed reading this and found all the imagery so very well used. The way you used the word 'snow' to describe the feeling was genius. Great write, good luck, and hope you feel better soon! Thanks for entering!
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i also noticed the emphasis on "snow", i feel although you semi-mastered words that somehow a bit more emotion could have been added, seems dry
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This is a beautiful poem. I loved the topic especially! Very unique, and very wise of a choice. I could feel the bone chilling snow, the daggers, and the sadness. Spectacular! You poured out a lot of emotion into this piece, and the images to go with it. I also found the snow to be a great symbolic part of this, signifying, at least to me, the coldness in his heart for being able to leave you so cruely, and the coldness in your heart from the despair. Great job!
However, until the time that you get into your author comments the choice number(s) you wish this to fall under, I cannot add it to my list to be judged.
~Saknika -
Hello again, you As I Said before, this poem is awesome, so good luck in this contest Xxxxxxxxxxxx
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Was that ever good This is one of the best poems, I have seen today. I also want to let you know, I wish you all the luck there is in this contest. I am sure that you'll win this one.
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very very good poem...i like how your express you're sadness about a love that's been gone and you relate it to the coldness of snow :-)
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I think this was amazing Sey! I hope im not biased when I judge, because I wuv u hehehe This was stunning, I loved it. Its..just...wow
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Great
i know i have commented on this before but I like it so much. I hope i read more great poems from you. you did great.
Good luck in the contest.
Teyona -
Bravo
Very cool poem you have here. Nice imagery, flows well and has an interesting subject. Bravo -
THIS WAS SO AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I absolutely LOVED it!!!!! I really loved "I don't remember why you left
Your words fell on deaf ears
My tears had blurred my vision
Your eyes confirmed my fears"
Great description and images!!!
Again, I really loved it, and keep it up!!!
<3
Wolvz
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Amazing flow and a poem wrote from the heart. I hope that you've recieved a trophy for this most amazing write. Amazing work. *Sonya*
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This reminds me of when me and my ex-boyfriend broke up. When I came to his house, he was wearing all white. He had told me on the phone that he was thinking about breaking up with me. My heart shattered at the thought and I demanded that we meet in person. So we did. His white clothing and smiles put on an act. I couldn't speak and tears streamed down my face. This poem reminds me of my feelings... It was hard to deal with. I loved him. Or at least, I thought so. And he's gone now. But, you know what? We learn a lot from these experiences. From that experience, I learned to grow to my full height, and to cherish every moment, even if that person who is in it won't always be there for me. I have a boyfriend now, and he's very different than Orlando. I have discovered so much through Orlando and through Tony. I have found what kind of person I am and how I am meant to be... Your poem reminded me what was... but I also know what is... remember that there wouldn't be a rainbow without any rain. Keep the hope. Without hope, how would we survive.... Well, good luck to you. Great poem. You deserve a trophy... but keep hope... You need it... Have a great day. Laters.
~Saved~
p.s. "Today isn't yesterday. Things change. Just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean it will never happen." -
Beautifully writte. There are a few places where the word snow seems a bit over used.
You turned your head and left me
The snow blew strongly by
I watched you blend in with the snow
I gave a heavy sigh
and
I stared into the empty sky
The snow then slowed its pace
My love has ended with the snow
That once had filled this place.
Other than this, the poem flows smoothly, flowing to the end with perfect ease. I really like the message and the feelings it evokes in teh reader. Such hardship and sorrow. Wonderfully written and thanks for sharing. You did excellent.
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GREAT!
i really love this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 -
words cant desribe... amazing
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sad, sweet
I loved your poem -- it was rhymed very well. you can just see it in your mind. all da snow and the sadness all put together doubles up as a horrible cold winter. reminds me so much of this year's winter. *sigh* new england weather.....
best wishes,
sunshinebear
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Dude! this poem rocks! the majesty, the pain, the love, and the hate of it all. Wonderful, i must say. Simply Wonderful.
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Great
Damn True SO True I Used to feel the same way a Long LOng <LOng <Ong LOng LOng time ago -
I really love this poem!!! Its excellent how it flows.... Keep up the good work, and Continue your journey through poetry...
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LOVE the way this flows. Simply beautiful. So sad, touching and visual. Can't wait to read the rest of your poetry.
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perfect
this is a wonderful poem one of the best i have ever read on this site. no exaggeration. this is beautiful. you are amazingly talented. very enjoyable.
Rachel -
Darn, I was gonna tell you that I liked that line Oh well I actually really like this one too. The poem has sort of a serene pain to it, that reminds me of snowfall, kind of painfully peaceful. Actually though, that last stanza is my favorite. I forgot what else I was gonna say I'm no good at this critiquing thing
Just know that its an awesome poem and I enjoyed it
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Love can fade away just like snow melts into
I never knew writers out there could write something like this! This is absolutely amazing! I loved every part of it from beginning to start! What's even better is that it took place in winter... the most sorrowful time of year( besides autumn ) Great job. You are just a fantastic writer!
Luv ya like a sis,
SaIyUkI -
Would I be able to find some new words to congratulate you work? Let's just say that I spent the most amazing minutes of the day in your company... Keep on living the dream!
frenchie
I would appreciate a comment on "FORGET" from someone as respectful as you... kind regards -
this was soso good i could not even pick the best part it was all so good it just floewed so well and wow i really love it good luck cheers!
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This entire poem is amazing... just the sadness in your voice makes me wish I could wipe away all your pain, all your tears, everything that hurts you, and give you all the happiness and love that you deserve. This is just beautiful. Bravo darlin
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Nothing really kept me going, obvious rhyme scheme, predictable.
"Daggers trimmed with lace" Nice imagery. This poem has a lot of quality in the story you portray, but still seems to be missing something. -
Very Very Very Very good. This is the best poem I have ever heard. It was great keep writting. Teyona
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good
i like it... so far the only poem I've read on this site I've liked, it really isn't my style, but its simple and sweet to the ears. -
wow this is a great story tied into a poem! i loved it, and I especially liked that you connected it to the snow it was very well written thanks for sharing
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I love how you get everything that's going on without even hearing a word! AWESOME!!
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this was a fantastic poem and i enjoyed the rhyme scheme. my favorite part was
The sky was gray just like your eyes
For they had lost their light
i can imagine this so clearly! great write, keep penning -
NICE! I'm too speechless to say much besides I loved the flow and rhyme and the honesty of it all. Keep up the good work--Ann
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well the of gray should be grey
n hey I just loves the last two lines they hit so hard
mind blowing imagination .....the snowy picture
no wonder u got so many applauses
kewl one -
have i come across this? last month? or another lifetime. very beautiful. best in the contest!
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So beautiful.. the rhyme flows.. not forced. I love the pictures, the imagery this poem has. The sadness, melencoly feel to it.. it's a wonderful write
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greta write
wow i see why so many people applauded your work. keep penning I'll keep reading. great conterxt its not all that long either there's a lot to theat little bit. keep penning I want more
and the fact that you mader it ryme too. greta ryme scheme. -
great great write
wow....wow.... i understand why u got so many applauds! i hate to be a follower but this poem definitely deserves an applaud. this is so so so so good and so heartfelt and it rhymes so perfectly. this is such a great poem.... its perfect. great great write -
good job
It was good. I like the first two lines, i like medaphors towards light. It's vivid for me. It was a nice read, some on here aren't worth a glance. -
WOWWWWW i really liked that daggers line LMAO...
ummm runs off with wings between her legs....
I liked how no words are needed to know what is up with someone.. when those words come we become like the icicle they drip from... -
Good Job
Awsome! Its exellent, its beutiful! Good Job!
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Really descriptive and creative, and you could see this all taking place. Really nice.
from bleedingmascara -
magneficent
Wow I've never written anything like that. -
Great poem. Keep up the great work.
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This is poem is amazingly worded I love it!
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good job
"The sky was gray just like your eyes" That line gives a conceptual vision of the persons eyes. I really liked this poem! It was well written! I like the flow, the visual, the scheme and the tone. Amazing job! -Amber -
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Well done!
This is one of those unassuming pieces that sneaks up on you like a librarian and lets you peek down her blouse. Oops, did I say that? My point being that this is a wonderful poem, excellent structure and content, well communicated and actually interesting. Touching in that it gives an intimate look into a very emotional moment. Well done! -
wow, this is a really powerfull poem, beautifull and sad, great write
xxxxx Kim xxxxx
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GOOD JOB!!!
This was really good. I had to read it twice just to make sure I didnt miss anything. I am going to read more of your stuff because if anyof it is this good, or better!!!, then I have a long day of reading in store for me. Great write, keep it up. -
this is awesome and the same thing almost happened to me. okay well g2g great write and keep it up bye!
Crystal -
this reminds me of the poem i wrote called coulds. not the same but similar. I LIKE IT!!!!.... A LOT!!!
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written in the snow for such a cold ending...awesomely done.
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OH MY GOD SEY! this is great i love it! 50000 thumbs up! SOO GREAT! i love it!
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Yay!
This was amazing, Sey. Full of emotion, and everything! Awesome job!
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