Newsprint gray minds nod wearily on the train,
wandering and wondering the sea of
micro fine dots patterned for
contouring, contrasting and connecting
the sad eyes of an East Timorese
A world drained of colour where ink and paper discover
"You're either black or white my brother"
charcoal ink emanating emptiness
wilting white dulling daily
yet amidst the heaving sighs of mediocrity
ink and light convey the content
of every shade in between
displaying gray areas of controversy
where nothing is ever black and white
the paint palette is political, cynical, clinical
tints of pessimism, raggism, shaggism and
acrylic forms of indifference rain down upon the canvas
Newsprint gray minds nod wearily on the train
hoping for some colour
Author notes
My first entry for a contest...if I've done something wrong please tell me!
Written February 24th, 2005
A contest entry
- Anything goes...and somethings stay by lost thoughts- loop.
750 points, ended February 27, 2005, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I like the message I read in this....that sometimes, in our modern world, we experience only what the media brings to us...reality being painted on the page instead of being suffused into our daily life...leaving us feeling like pale imitations of human beings. I also like that it seems to say that you have to look below the surface to find the depth of meaning in things.
But, as with the Zen at the top of the mountain, perhaps what I've found is only what I've brought with me. The thoughts are so familiar.
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Overwritten. Tone it down. I don't want to wade through a sea of literary prisms to actually get down to the bone gristle of your poem. I wanna be lickin' my finger tips.
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I loved these three lines:
the paint palette is political, cynical, clinical
tints of pessimism, raggism, shaggism and
acrylic forms of indifference rain down upon the canvas
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Where have you been?
Where have you been? I have missed your words and imagination. I adore the way you touch, fold, and caress your language. Inexpressibly you touch each and every emtoin and sense. Your poem has wonderful flow and rythm. The images are strong and yet they do not overpower. Ther are so many wonderful lines. I think the line I like the most is "Charcoal emptines..." what an image of blank despair! -
well there is a lot of imagery vocabulary to get my brain around there, it certainly stretched my mind, which is always a good thing. It flowed very well, I have a few lines i could pick out but i won't because i'm judging hehe. good luck in the contest
keep writing
jade -
My dear friend, your writing ability is wonderful! You have portrayed society's feelings and racism in a talented insightful way, in which appeals to the reader and holds their attention. As far as I can see, you have done nothing wrong.
'A world drained of colour where ink and paper discover
"You're either black or white my brother"
These lines are my favourite, due to the revealing truth that is held within them.
Thank you for sharing this, I hope you do well in the contest, for you deserve it. I also thank you for the comment on my poem 'He'.
Empathy
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